"Fear is not of the Lord. You know that."
"I know that."
"So who do you think it's of?"
"The Enemy, of course."
"Bingo! If this weren't right in God's opinion, he would put sensible caution in your heart, not paralyzing fear."
I read this last night in the book I'm currently reading for 20 minutes or so to help me go to sleep.
I don't know if going to DC is the absolute right thing, but I do know that I have been paralyzed with fear and doubts. And I know that it's pointless and only hurting me.
Next weekend I go to DC. I have several networking appointments set up and one appointment with a legal temp agency. I'm supposed to go out with the guy, but I think I may cancel. I feel bad about that, but exactly one month from today my finals will be over. Which means I don't even have a whole month left to catch up on my reading and create my outlines. I need to spend every spare moment reading and preparing. And, oh yeah, the Trusts and Estates final, probably one of the more convoluted classes I've taken, is closed-book. I suppose it's a good prep for the Bar.
Seriously, though, what's up with the Bar? I have heard several attorneys say, "You will know more about the law the day before you take the Bar than you ever will again." And the thing is, you don't really NEED to know it all because everyone specializes and there are books and online databases and all sorts of resources. The Bar just seems like a rite of passage/trial by fire sort of ordeal. But it must be done.
Today in therapy we mapped out my schedule for the coming weeks, which I'm going to hang on my closet door. It made me feel better to see it all written out, and it seems more manageable that way.
I'm looking forward to a month and a day from now. I have a feeling I'll be asleep.
4 comments:
I really like that theory about how paralyzing fear is NOT a sign, but a trick. I might get that tatooed on my palms so when I'm covering my eyes and in a fetal position by the side of my bed wondering how in the world I will manage to actually finish my dissertation THIS WEEK I'll have something to read.
I actually checked a meditation CD out from the library and that's helping. You know, visualization exercises of what it is you want, what it will look like and feel like, and the width and sturdiness of the bridge from here to there.
Good luck with your next month and a half! What you're doing is amazing!!!
This week?! Holy cow! Sending schwong waves your way.
For me, everything happens in big clumps.
I'll have a job interview, new girlfriend, new calling, all in the same short period.
Then for three months nothing.
Then wash, rinse and repeat.
It's driving me nuts. If I could only figure out the cycle duration, I'd be fine...
dJake, six weeks?! I don't know what I'd do with that much time. Either go crazy or turn into a big lazy slug - one of the two, I'm sure.
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