Fat Girl

There's a lot of irateness and anger going around because of articles on Salon and in Newsweek criticizing the plus-size teen shop, Torrid. So I thought I'd just add my voice to the whole hullabaloo.

Or maybe I should just put a big "ditto."

No, I'll go ahead and comment.

The fear seems to be, if we provide cute and sassy clothes for plus-size teen girls, that will encourage their obesity and they will NEVER be motivated to change.

Hooey.

I think Torrid is a fantastic idea! And I will bet my life that these girls know exactly how big they are. I bet they alternately binge and starve themselves, some of them may even purge. I bet they hear cruel remarks from kids at school, and even crueler remarks from their own internal monologues.

Weight has always been an issue in my family and I am glad that now there are finally options for women and girls who don't have ideal bodies and who may eat for other reasons besides being hungry. My whole life my mom had to dress herself in tents with Battenburg lace collars or knit stretch pants and large knit tops from the Lane Bryant and Roamans catalogs. It has only been over the last 10 or 15 years that these catalogs have started carrying clothing even remotely resembling anything cute and modern. I remember as a skinny little swim team 10 year-old flipping through the catalogs and wondering why they couldn't just take what I saw in the malls and at Fashion Gal and make them bigger. The advent of the Lane Bryant store, which sells completely different things than the catalog, is a godsend for the plus-size woman

My parents are both large people, but since I was 13 they have consciously made an effort to eat well, even going so far as to make our house sugar- and white flour-free for several years. My mom has lost a lot of weight over the past several years and has been a dedicated water walker since I was 13 or so (she's limited in her physical activity because of arthritis). She's still plus-size, but unlike when I was growing up she can now leave home knowing that her clothes are cute just like her hair and nails and make-up, which are always impeccable.

As several other people have noted, there have been "Big & Tall" stores around for men for years. Why is it that the women's stores cause such a outcry about our society encouraging obesity?

I saw Super Size Me, and I do think there are lots of things Americans in general could be doing to improve their health and diets. (Newsflash: it's not just Americans anymore. I read an article in The Boston Globe a couple of weeks ago about the expansion of European waistlines as well). It's an individual thing, though, and some people have to hit rock bottom, some people have to have some major health scare, and some people just need some therapy and a desire to be good to themselves before they will be willing to make changes.

Like author Wendy Shanker said in the Salon article, "Weight loss is not motivated by outside sources. You don't lose weight by tough love, whether from your mother or your local clothing store. It's a personal choice, and a difficult choice -- and if I can't do it for myself, I'm not going to do it for the Gap."

Speaking as someone who eats fairly healthy and is still overweight, there are skinny people and there are not so skinny people in this world. I will never ever be tiny. The one time in my life I was actually at my "target weight" according to the doctor's chart was right after I had jaw surgery. I looked emaciated and sickly. Even then, I was a size 7, which is small, but not Jennifer Aniston, size 0 small. I can't imagine what would happen if I tried to get myself any smaller than that. My healthy weight is actually about 15-20 pounds more than the charts would have me believe.

I haven't eaten sugar except for 1 day a month for almost 3 months. I eat fruits and vegetables and salmon and chicken and no-fat dairy and whole wheat bread. I know that I am getting smaller because of how my clothes fit, but according to the scale I'm not lighter. I feel better about myself because I am taking care of myself, but I know I still have a huge butt and thighs and cellulite. But gee, at least nicely made plus-size jeans make my big butt look kind of cute.

I freely admit that I shop for bottoms at Lane Bryant. Frankly, they are pretty much the only store that makes pants and skirts for womanly shapes (although I am praising the A-line skirts that are in fashion right now). I know I'm bootylicious, with child-bearing hips, and a tiny waist. Did you know the ideal hip to waist ratio is .7? Guess what mine is? .7 Have I EVER, even when I was a size 7, been able to find pants and skirts that fit me right? No. Because of Lane Bryant I actually have jeans that don't gap out 5 inches from my waist. Even though I'm glad I'm losing weight, I'm only 1 size away from not being able to shop at Lane Bryant anymore, and then I'll have to go back to ill-fitting bottoms once again.

So I know and the girls who shop at Torrid know and the women who shop at Lane Bryant know that we are overweight. We all have our own self-esteem issues. I can swim a 50 of butterfly and 40 laps of freestyle. I have a BA, a MA, and soon a JD. I am a kind person with many loving friends. But I still feel insecure about my body, just like I have since I started getting hips. As I become more comfortable with myself, the insecure feelings are less and less. I know, though, that no matter how thin I get (or don't get) I will always be a Fat Girl on the inside.

Giving these girls a store they can go to so they can get cute clothes is not encouraging them to be obese. It's letting them have a little dignity and pride while they struggle through those teen years that are already tough enough.

Another couple of applicable quotes from the Salon article:
"When you're trying to change your behavior, if you're depressed or feeling bad about yourself, it's more difficult to be successful," says Lauren Solotar, an eating-disorders specialist and the chief psychologist at the May Institute in Norwood, Mass. "If you feel good about yourself, you're more likely to be able to follow through."

Dr. Caroline Cederquist, the medical director of the Cederquist Comprehensive Weight Control Center in Naples, Fla., agrees. "It's not like all of a sudden we're saying they shouldn't be healthy," she says. "But they might as well feel more comfortable in their skin as they determine how they're going to get there."

So please, all of you people who tsk and stare and judge and judge and judge, remember that the fat person right there is a human being. Probably a human being who is in a lot of pain every single day.