Swimming

This post is for JL and anyone else who might be interested in the "Lap Swimming With Kelly" seminar. I'm not an expert, but I was on a summer swim team for 8 years and have been told I have excellent technique. In addition, I have been swimming at least 4 times a week for 5 weeks now and am feeling nicely toned. I personally think swimming every day is what's getting me through Barbri and keeping me from completely freaking out about this whole Bar exam thing that I have to take in a few weeks.

Not that I don't have my freak out moments. I just think they're tempered some by the swimming.

OK, here's my standard routine of late. The distances are in yards. Standard lap pools are 25 yards/meters, however since I started swimming up north I've discovered that many gym pools are only 20 yards. So I adjust accordingly. For a 200 I swim 10 laps instead of 8:

Warm up: 200 swim, 200 kick (I alternate freestyle kick up, butterfly kick back [butterfly kick is awesome for your abs and your quads. I usually try to tense up my abs as I'm butterfly kicking to emphasize them])

Then I swim 32 laps straight freestyle and I time myself. Current best time: 13:53

200 kick (freestyle/butterfly)

Then I usually alternate between either:
8 40's (2 laps) on 50 seconds
OR
5 40's butterfly up/backstroke back
(I used to race butterfly and I'll know I'm back in shape when I can swim a 50 of butterfly again without feeling like my lungs are going to fall out)

200-400 freestyle

I usually do 72-80 laps, although today I did 96 because I had the energy to (said energy came from being annoyed with the loose lane line and the fin-kicking lady).

I also have this strange counting system, which my friend Liz can attest to because I've told her about it before. I think it's probably my latent OCD come to fruition. The counting helps me keep track of where I am in my long set, and also is kind of a centering mechanism. You do the whole breathing thing in yoga, right? Well, I have a stroke pattern and I count.

Here's how it works:
I swim freestyle 4 strokes - breath - 2 strokes - breath - 2 strokes -breath (repeat until time to flipturn). So I have 5 different counting patterns that I rotate through. I have 1234, 12, 12; then 1234, 12, 34; then 1234, 56, 78; then 1234, 56, 78 (keep counting until the end of the lap. Usually 1 lap = 15 strokes); then 1234, 56, 78 (keep counting until the end of the 100. Usually 5 laps = 75 strokes). Then start over again.

Yes, I realize I'm insane. It works for me, though.

I swim because swimming is the one thing I don't get bored doing. I challenge myself and work on beating my times as well as work on different strokes.

Also, I have this zen relationship with water (like my mom and my grandma). We're all beach lovers and nothing makes me happier than being in water. I think I'm more comfortable in water - the ocean, the pool, whatever - than I am on land. When I'm in the ocean, I like to swim out as far as I can, away from the kids splashing in the surf. It's so peaceful out there. One time I followed a sting ray out pretty far. He was cracking me up because he'd stop swimming and settle down into the sand. Then his eyes would roll back around and he'd see I was still there and he'd take off again. I eventually left him alone. I learned how to scuba dive a few years ago and it was amazing to be 60 feet under water, swimming with the giant versions of the little fish I had seen for years on the reefs closer to shore. We even saw a nurse shark.

Anyway, like I said, I swam 96 laps today, but if I didn't have to come home and study I was contemplating doing another long set of 32. But I had to get out.

So that's my swimming story. Hope some of you find this interesting and helpful

Lap Swimming Pet Peeves

People who wear fins while swimming laps. A) The pool is 20 yards long, so it takes you like 5 kicks before you have to turn around. I'd get annoyed with reaching the end so quickly. B) Kicking with fins creates wicked wake for whoever you happen to be sharing a lane with.

Loose lane lines. When the lane line is too long for the pool, it tends to swing back and forth, moving away from whoever happens to be swimming next to it, thus cutting a 1/3 of the width off the lane on the other side. The Super Fast Girl and I were commiserating about that today since we were both sharing lanes with someone else and were confined to the side of the lane next to said loose lane line. We both kept bumping our hands on it, which when you're swimming even kind of fast can really hurt.

Random hair balls floating through the water. Can we just go ahead and make swim caps mandatory, please? Women's hair is gross enough, but I happen to know there's a guy with a long skeevy ponytail and 4 teeth who swims at this pool too. Hair is gross. Skeevy hair is grosser.

Speaking of skeevy men: Guys, do NOT wear flesh-colored swim trunks. It's just a bad move all around.

Request To Takers of the Multistate Bar Exam

Dear Fellow Bar Trolls,
I have two words for you: "Pick B." Today Barbri gave us a 29-minute orientation for the practice MBE we're taking on Friday. Gee, I thought all I needed to do was show up and fill in the bubbles completely. No, there is so much more to the intricacies of this standardized test. Like, for instance, it's important to remember to bring only quiet snacks. Or if you're planning on using earplugs in the actual test, Friday will be an excellent time to test out your whole earplug dynamic.

29 minutes of this, people.

However, there was one key phrase that struck me as important, and that I think we all need to rally behind: "Pick B." When you can't decide between one of the other choices and B, always, always Pick B. The point of this, as the Barbri rep so explicitly told us, is that if enough people pick B, we can literally change the right answer. The Bar Examiners will have to make B the right answer if no one picks the one they thought was right. I think the best idea would be for us all to band together and bubble in "B" for every answer. Then we all win. However, I don't think I can mobilize something that big, so my humble request to you is that when you're not sure, Pick B.

If anyone was confused about the fact that this test is just a big scam, I think I've succeeded in clearing that up for you.

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,
Kelly IM, Esq.

Bits for Today

To the man stripping the gears of his brand new sporty Infiniti: Dude, learn how to drive stick. Or, alternatively, donate your car to someone who does know how to drive stick. I'd be willing to take on that duty.

********

Apparently I have learned how to snow the essay graders. I got a 5 out of 7 on the essay we turned in last week. I'm fine with a 5 because from what I hear that's about the highest Barbri people will grade. And I'm also fine with a 5 because that's all I need to pass. It's amazing how doing the whole "state the law" thing at the beginning followed by strict IRAC makes them love me, even if my sentences don't all sound that great or even very coherent in parts. I have to remind myself to keep doing that.

*********

Michael Buble has a lovely voice, but I just can't get behind his name. Think of the other singers, with the smooth names: Frank Sinatra, Harry Connick, Jr., Nat King Cole. And then we have Michael Buble. Say it slow: Boo-blay. See, it's just silly.

Child of the 80's

Thanks to Emily for the 80's music quiz, even if the picture doesn't show up in the above link. According to the testmaster "I did scarily well on the 80's music test."

Should it worry me that he said I got a bunch of them that "NO ONE" gets?

We've Officially Hit Crazy

So I was singing in my sleep last night. Yeah. I woke myself up singing "Let Go" by Frou Frou. It's on the Garden State soundtrack. Great song, but seriously, singing in my sleep?! I used to walk and talk in my sleep fairly regularly. The first time I knew of I was 7 and my grandpa followed me through my grandparents' house as I walked down the hall, unlocked the sliding glass door, and started walking toward the pool. With the cover on it. In January. Really really happy Papa heard me get up. I remember the dream I was having: I couldn't find my grandma and I was walking through the woods calling, "Nana! Nana!"

Then follows a series of stories, mostly from Martha, my best friend from ages 10 to 13, of walking through her house and mimicking drying my hair without plugging in the hair dryer, or having full-fledged conversations with her at 2 AM when she would spend the night at my house.

Then there was the time when I was 16 or so, and I woke up in the course of cleaning my room, my arms full of clothes I had picked up off my floor.

Since then I haven't really had very many people sharing a room with me, and if they have, they've been pretty deep sleepers and never commented on me talking in my sleep. Although if I fall asleep while you're talking to me, I will still continue the conversation, but I can't guarantee that all of my responses will make sense.

I've read that people get restless in sleep when they're stressed, so I suppose that's the culprit. I should probably warn my roommates, in case I have some Bar-related nightmare involving knives.

**************

I'd like to give a shout out to my friends Maria, who I just found out has a blog, and Mary, who just started a blog, bowing to the weight of peer pressure surrounding her. Let's hear it for peer pressure!

And I broke my time again this morning: 32 in 13:53. I had a long, egocentric conversation with my mom yesterday about how I should have kept swimming through college and gotten a scholarship. I wonder how things would have turned out...

Search

Someone got here today by searching with "diet coke the new crack."

Awesome.

This Starts For Serious Next Week

I've been reading some other Bar study blogs. I've been doing PMBR questions today. I'm realizing I'm not spending enough time on this stuff. We have a practice MBE next weekend and I feel like I would really really fail right now. I just don't know enough yet. Next week I'm getting to work for real. Sure I've been going to class and doing my note cards and the essays. Obviously that's not enough. Next week I will be doing note cards and reviewing one subject's cards and doing questions for that subject every day. It would be unbelievably humiliating not to pass the Bar. And this thing is in a month!

On the upside, I did a bunch of Con Law questions today and realized I am making things too hard on myself. I have to keep reminding myself not to assume that there's some hidden meaning under the basic law that I already know. For instance, in questions about federal lands, I know that the feds have police power over federal lands, and so, like a freak, I assume that's a given and there's some other more difficult nuance that the Bar examiners are looking for. No, they wanted me to tell them about the police power. Duh.

Of note: My site meter passed the 10,000 mark! That seems like something to celebrate. In my sad, lonely, studying for the Bar and blogging world.

Hooray Hooray! Done With Professor J!

Wills and Trusts is over and we never have to see this particular lecturer again. Here's how slow he was going: so slow that I took notecards with me to class and WHILE HE WAS LECTURING, wrote out all but 6 or 7 of my notecards on the lecture. So I just shaved a few hours off of my afternoon.

Well, not really, since I have major Bar Guilt (to add to my Mormon Guilt) and know I need to do 200 PMBR questions and review my notecards and read the Conviser Mini Review outlines and Massachusetts Distinctions. But I'm seriously thinking about taking a magazine to the laundromat this afternoon. Do I dare?

Tonight I am going to Anna's Taqueria (the ONLY place to get Mexican food in Boston. Not technically, but when you grow up in Tucson, you have standards to maintain) and to finally see The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Hopefully I can maintain conversation with the friends I'm going with.

See, I've noticed I'm becoming really weird. Weirder than usual, I mean. I've worked very hard at breaking out of my introverted shell and being more gregarious and generally social. Studying for the Bar seems to be pulling me back into my anti-social cave. I went to Enrichment last night and could not carry on a conversation. People asked me how the Bar studying was going and I was just like, "Ugh. It's a drag. I'm tired." I said that about 52 times. And then I had to keep asking people to repeat themselves because their words just were not connecting in my head. I've become some weird Bar troll (which could be construed as drinking Jack Daniels while waiting for the next desperate guy to stumble through the door as a cigarette dangles from my lips, but this isn't nearly as fun).

Does this go away? I hope so. I can't handle being a freakshow for too long. It might start affecting my self esteem.

Speaking of freakshows.

Hyperventilating

It's 7 AM. I'm not at the gym. Instead, I decided that I really needed to consolidate my loans already since I have less than a week before the interest rates go up, as 75 junk mailings a day constantly remind me.

So here I am merrily entering in all the info. I got 6 loans typed in and hit the "I have more loans to add" button and...

Freakin' HTTP 404 Not Found!!!

NOW I can't even get to the start page for the consolidation process! How can it not be found? It was there 5 minutes ago! I was typing on the page 5 minutes ago!

It's all a plot by the feds! They won't let me get back on until July 1st and I will be stuck with a massive amount of loans with an outrageous interest rate!

Breathe...breathe...


Update: It came back online. The application is done and will be mailed this afternoon for Monday delivery. Hooray! One thing off my plate.

Worst. Barbri. Lecturer. Ever.

When I was at Middlebury College my first year of college, my friend Mark and I suffered through 2 excruciatingly boring Chemistry classes together. The first semester's class was taught by a professor whose monotone rivaled Ben Stein. The second semester's class was taught by his wife, a woman from Korea with an accent so thick I only got every third word or so (and when I went into office hours to ask her a question she would exclaim, "I already splained that!!" "Yes, but I didn't understand." She would sigh. "I already splained that!" Thank you. Very helpful.)

At least once a week, our eyes glazed over, Mark would glance over to me and like the drama queen he was, dramatically lift his arms and mimic the motion of slitting his wrists, then sit there with his arms splayed out and a look of utter boredom on his face.

Tacky? Yes.

Funny? Yes.

The point of this story is to tell you that I wish Mark had been in my Wills lecture today to at least infuse a bit of comic relief. Oh. My. Gosh. It was excruciating. And we get to go back for another 3 1/2 hours tomorrow and hear the same professor rattle on about Trusts.

Just An Observation

To Cambridge Public Works: Maybe, maybe, it's not the best idea to dig a giant hole in the middle of Massachusetts Avenue during rush hour. Especially considering said hole is in the middle of the most confusing rotary in Cambridge and completely blocking one of the exits off of the rotary.

To the traffic cop helpfully staring into the hole along with half the construction crew: Bravo. Brav-O. Thank you so much for all your assistance with the GIANT TRAFFIC SNARL 50 feet behind you.


This morning I had a little argument with myself. See, I have become addicted to the reruns of Lost, which means I didn't get to sleep until 11:45 or so. When the alarm went off at 6 AM I thought to myself, "Self, you've been to the gym 3 times already this week and if you go tomorrow and Saturday that will be 5 times and that's pretty darn good. Let's sleep in this morning." Then this little voice in my head said something about how the endorphins are all that keep me awake during Barbri lectures. In addition, I tend to break my records on the mornings when I drag myself to the gym despite almost talking myself out of it. Sure enough, 32 laps in 13:55 this morning. Hurrah!

{Warning: more fat girl body discussion to follow}

When I started with this whole regular work out and good eating thing, I had 3 fat rolls on my back. Then 2. Now I have about 1/4-1/2 of a roll. Which would explain the 2 inch loss in my boobs. At least I'm losing the back fat. So from the waist up, my back looks FABulous.

My thought is, since I lose from the upper body first, once that roll disappears and I lose a bit more off my arms, the exercise should start sucking the fat from my lower body. I am hoping July is the month of the smaller tush.

Isn't it weird how you scrutinize your own body?

Commercialization

Geico has finally done the coolest possible thing with the whole "Good news, I saved on my car insurance" campaign. They've utilized Speed Racer for one of their ads:

Trixie: The bridge is out ahead!
Speed: The bridge is out?!
Trixie: Yes, but I have good news.
Speed: What?
Trixie: I just saved on my car insurance by switching to Geico!
{cut to Speed. Silence}

Fantastic!

On the downside for pop culture in commercials:
Lust for Life by Iggy Pop - I will never again be able to listen to that song without thinking of Royal Caribbean cruises. Iggy...how could you?

The Power by Snap - Now while this falls into my own personal category of songs I'm kind of ashamed to like (along with Toxic and any song by LaBouche or The Real McCoy), I am APPALLED that it is being used in a diaper/pull-up commercial.

Today's Barbri Highlights:
Fidget Boy - Dude, take a Ritalin. This kid cannot sit still and reads the Metro and magazines during the lectures while glancing at the clock every 5 seconds, right leg bouncing like mad.

Crackberry Lady has added to her appeal by now snorting and murmuring to herself when reacting to something the lecturer says.

I always knew my Torts professor was the most awful Torts professor that ever was, but that knowledge was solidified today as Proximate Cause was explained to me in about a half page of notes. I've spent 3 years not understanding Proximate Cause for no reason.

A couple of days ago one of the lecturers told us about the Bar studying stages: I think the 1st is fear and stress. The 2nd is anger. I have reached anger. This is the same lecturer who freely admitted that the Bar is just a giant hazing ritual, which I have been saying for months.

The Criminal Mind

I'm kind of torn. On the one hand I'm really appreciating Jolly Roger's (as Prof. Whitebread called him) jokes that are easing our way through Torts. He's hilarious. However, I can't help but wonder if he cut out some of the jokes and outrageous hypos, maybe Torts wouldn't take 8 HOURS to get through.

Sometimes I really hate being a girl. I know guys have a chance of getting mugged or whatever, but for women there's this omnipresent rape or mugging because I'm smaller and weaker than a lot of guys fear. Today I was walking home from class and stopped by the market. A minute after I came out of the store I realized there were two guys behind me, their pace matched with mine. I glanced back and caught a suit jacket out of the corner of my eye, but seriously, what does that mean? Criminals can dress well. I turned off my iPod and kept walking. I slowed my pace and moved over to the side of the sidewalk so they would pass me, but they just kept matching my pace. And even though they were walking together they weren't chatting or anything. They wound up going into a pizza parlor a couple of blocks down, but it still gave me that uncomfortable feeling.

THEN ahead of me was a tall kid from the high school across the street who was walking along all normal. He glanced back and saw me and slowed WAY down. I couldn't help but to pass him. Then I sped up. He kept walking slow.

Nothing happened, obviously. But, ugh. I hate having that girl radar on all the time.

All Law, All the Time

Barbri highlights of the day: Today's Topic - Essay Writing

He who shall hereafter be known as Bread Boy. Based on a couple of his comments, I could already tell he was a quirky Harvard Law School guy. (Seriously, some students at Harvard Law really shouldn't be let out in public.) Today he shows up with a big round loaf of Italian bread and proceeds to eat half of it over the 3 hour lecture. Every so often he'd reach over, rip off a hunk, and nibble away as he took notes.

Crackberry Lady (love the term "Crackberry") left before the last hour of class despite telling the girl on the other side of her that she wasn't a good essay writer. Um, ok. Shooting yourself in the foot a little? I also discovered today that I'm not the only one who's noticed her Crackberry tendencies.

The big bearded guy laughing uproariously when the lecturer began his essay lecture by stating that of course we wouldn't have gotten this far without knowing how to write an essay. Apparently big bearded guy pulled one over on his law school. Then he slept through the last hour of lecture.

This is my latest bounty from the Westlaw Rewards program.

My roommate's blender disappeared a few weeks ago, much to my chagrin since I had just perfected the recipe for the perfect smoothie. Over the course of a few months it had been getting cracks in the plastic, the blade couldn't chop anything harder than a banana, and eventually the handle just fell off. It was still usable, though. I came home one day all set to whip up my post-workout smoothie and no blender. It was just gone. Base, pitcher, all of it. I figured maybe it finally broke all the way and my roommate threw it away.

So I used some of my Westlaw points to order my groovy new blender. Works great!

But here's the weird conversation I had with my roommate the other day when the blender arrived (bearing in mind I'd already confirmed with my other roommate that she had no idea where the blender was):

Me: "I got a new blender so we can make smoothies again! Whatever happened to yours anyway?"

Her: "What do you mean? Nothing."

Me: "Um, well, a few weeks ago I came home and it wasn't here so I assumed it broke and you threw it out or something."

Her: "No." Walks into the kitchen to verify that the blender is not where it usually is. "Huh. Yeah, I don't know." Walks back to room completely unperturbed that her blender has vanished into thin air.

See, this is why I really like my roommate at times, and other times just don't understand her at all. How do you lose a blender? And then upon learning that you've lost a major appliance, how do you not care?

Summer Sostice

Apparently there's a Summer Solstice celebration up in Salem tomorrow evening. How much do I want to go?! I wonder if any of my good Mormon friends would be pagan with me for a couple of hours...

More Food Than You Can Shake A Stick At

Remember a couple of months ago when I was all excited about buying a new swimsuit? No? Well, I was. I got this very cute Lands End suit that seemed suitable for lap swimming and was an escape from the same black Speedo I've been wearing for years because they don't make interesting lap suits in long torso.

The Lands End suit is pretty much kaput at this point. The blue in the side panels has faded to kind of a light blue-gray and the lining in the shelf bra has gradually been eaten away by the chlorine. Now, I realize Bally's puts a lot of chlorine in the pool, but I would think a swimsuit - a swimsuit marketed as "Workout Worthy," no less - would be able to stand up to the rigors of, you know, swimming for more than a couple of months. Guess not.

So yesterday I ordered a TYR suit. It's not long torso, but at least the Lycra will last for awhile and it cost less than the Lands End suit. Very disappointed with Lands End right now.

Next on my agenda, working out enough so that I actually look like the girl in the picture in my new TYR suit.

Speaking of working out and looking good (which seems to be the theme in a lot of my posts lately...), we had a great lesson today in Relief Society on the Word of Wisdom, taught by my favorite RS teacher, Katie (if you're reading, Hi Katie!). It was an interesting contrast because last week the Sunday School lesson was on the Word of Wisdom. The difference was, last week we talked a lot about the don'ts. Don't drink, smoke, drink coffee, and all the various no-caffeine permutations, depending on how "orthodox Mormon" you choose to be (and judging by my posts praising Dr. Pepper and Diet Coke with Lime, I think we all know how orthodox I am). It was a decent lesson, but I left feeling kind of down as it ended with the teacher's own discussion about the problem of alcoholism in his family. I'm sure I wasn't the only one in the room who was thinking about all the addictive behaviors in my family, which sometimes seem insurmountable.

What I liked so much about today was that we got a discussion going about the do's. Eat well, take care of your body, get enough sleep, etc. So many of the women in the ward are kick-a** athletes. We talked a lot about things we've learned, and things we do to get motivated. I thought of about 75 things to say (but I only raised my hand for one of them). My roommate Angie and I were talking when we got home about how we could have probably all sat there chatting about the topic for another hour or two.

One woman, Amy, mentioned how she doesn't keep the non-healthy food in her home so when she wants a snack she's not even tempted. I do the same thing. Then she commented on how the only time she really finds temptation in that area is when she's at a church function or at a church friend's house. There are always brownies and cookies and all sorts of yummy bad-for-you things around. She suggested we all keep veggies on hand for when people come over, which honestly is a great idea, and really probably no more work than whipping up a batch of cookies.

I've talked with my parents before about how church culture is so centered around food. It's understandable since food is the only vice we're allowed to have. I know it's not just a Mormon thing, but food is such a central part of many of our activities. Irony: after this great lesson and discussion today, the Munch and Mingle food was muffin quarters. Those luscious, fatty, Otis Spunkmeyer type muffins. They trotted out some grapes too, but the muffins were the highlight.

As an impetus to taking care of our bodies, it's always good to remember the blessings that are promised:

And all saints who remember to keep and do these sayings, walking in obedience
to the commandments, shall receive health in their navel and marrow to their bones; And shall find wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures; And shall run and not be weary, and shall walk and not faint. (Doctrine & Covenants 89:18-20)

That holds true for everyone who takes care of themselves, of course. Mormons don't have a monopoly, we just have a scripture to cite to if we feel like it, and a stricter code to follow than most.

I think the whole mind/body connection is so important, and this new age idea was written about in the Doctrine & Covenants in 1833. I am really really REALLY not a morning person, yet I drag myself out of bed most mornings at 6 AM because I know I'll be able to study better and I'll feel better both physically as my muscles get toned and emotionally as I swim my stress away for 45 minutes or so. Lately on the days when I don't swim, I notice a definite drop in energy and greater dependence on Diet Coke. And after reading what JL had to say about aspartame, I am strongly rethinking my diet caffeinated soda addiction.

Water Baby

New personal best: 32 laps in 14:05!
80 laps total today.

(Guys may want to stop reading right now.)

(You've been warned.)

How unfair is weight loss?! I just measured myself and my upper body is losing like crazy, and basically nothing on my lower body. Never mind that I have plenty of excess baggage going on around the thigh and tush region. No, instead, I have lost 2 1/2 inches off my upper arms and 2 inches off my boobs in the past month! My boobs are all I've got. V-necks are important for drawing the attention away from my lower region. And if they're gone, I have no distraction tools left. On the upside, I don't seem to be losing in the cup size, so much as the band size. It better stay that way. You hear that, girls?

Exercise gods, could we start taking the excess fat from the thighs and the tush please? There's plenty to spare. PLENTY.

Batman Begins

FANTASTIC!

Wow.

And Christian Bale...
Mm mm mm. That boy just gets yummier as the years pass.

Um...ahem...

Honestly the movie was amazing. I just got back from seeing it and I laughed, I cried, I was totally tense for a good 2 hours. Christian Bale, Michael Caine, and Morgan Freeman were excellent. I know Katie Holmes has been getting "Yeah, she was there too" types of reviews, but I thought she did a good job. Her character wasn't huge after all, but she said what needed to be said very well.

I suggest that everyone go see this movie. Right now. Go.

Things of Note

Fat Boy Slim's "Ya Mama" has the perfect beat for walking home from class.

I don't think my iPod really understands the whole "Shuffle" concept. When I have 886 songs in a playlist I don't expect to have 3 songs by the same artist, 2 from the same album, played in the first 26 songs of the day.

The woman who sits next to me in class has an unhealthy relationship with her Blackberry. She whips that thing out every 10 minutes or so and scrolls through her emails, occassionally letting out a little snicker. Then the minute we get a break she races outside to make phone calls. Look, I know you have two kids and a husband, but do you have to be THAT connected. The kids are 11 and 8. I was staying home by myself by then and not getting calls from my parents every hour. And maybe my parents neglected me, but I turned out fine. Right?

Right?

After Tom announced their engagement, a camera about 3 inches from Katie's face got her saying "I'm so happy" as she walked out. I know there was a camera in her face, but she didn't really look that happy, and she most definitely didn't look "so" happy. Run away, Katie. Run away.

My roommate Heidi and I are going to see Batman Begins tonight. Excited!

I need to start working on my last set of Contracts cards, but I'm not feeling it. Maybe I'll call my friend Randi in London (I just like saying that. Yeah, that's right. I've got a friend in London. I'm cool).

Public Service Announcement

I feel very strongly about this cause.

Every little bit helps, so, please, be generous.

Reprieve

According to the Barbri administrator girls, tomorrow's lecture is 1 hour and 56 minutes. Hooray! After yesterday's 4 hour lecture we deserve it. Although Prof. Epstein on Contracts is funny with his Texas drawl and hypotheticals involving grits, I can't take anyone lecturing for 4 hours. Today was 3 hours, and tomorrow just the 2. More time to catch up on the myriad of work that I'm behind on.

Oh yeah, and consolidate my student loans. I've been told by a friend in the student loan business that I should not use the lender I was going to use for consolidation because, as she says, their customer service sucks. Actually, now that I think about it she's a little too Mormon and refined to say "sucks," so she probably just said their customer service is terrible. Anyway, that is a good thing to know before I actually consolidate. I'll probably end up using the lender my school recommended because that's what several of my friends did and they have some nice incentives. The point is, I just need to get it done before the feds jack up the interest rates. Scoundrels!

I finally determined today that the 3 guys I noted last week as cute and worthy of surreptitious glances and smiles are not in the class anymore. I can only assume they did their first week at Harvard and are doing the rest of the class elsewhere. Why did all 3 of them have to leave? I couldn't have just one to look at for the next few weeks?

My Moment of Zen:

My roommate bought me this little candle/rock garden for graduation. I put it on the dining room table to assist me while I do my cards. Om.

Today's Horoscope

You are the secret jewel, Kelly, and you are apt to be extremely loving and devoted to those who recognize this in you. There is no reason to shrink back and hide. Put on your most royal air and flaunt your stuff - both inner and outer. Your peaceful, charming nature is shining through, and you are radiating the goddess-like qualities you have within. Whoever shares your company tonight is extremely lucky indeed. Make sure this person is worthy of you.

Any takers for this evening?

Bookish

Last night my book club met and talked about Gilead by Marilynne Robinson. It's a beautiful book that I highly recommend. The story is about a minister in 1956, who is dying, who writes a journal for his seven year-old son about himself, his life, the town they live in, anything he feels he needs to pass on to his son.

I found that I could only read about 20-40 pages or so, and then I needed to put it down and let what I had read percolate in my mind for a bit. The writing is so measured and crafted. It's as if each word has a definite purpose. Which is probably why it won the Pulitzer.

The most fun thing about last night is that I got to put on my English Masters Degree hat and go all literary analysis woman on them.

One thing I'm really curious about. There are many many many religious ideas in Gilead, which, as a religious person, I took a particular way. Since my book club is all Mormon or Mormon-esque, we had a similar take on those ideas. I'm curious as to how an atheist or someone who's not familiar with the Bible would react to many of the themes in the book.

Next month we're reading The Country of the Pointed Firs, which I picked. One of my favorites and one of the books I wrote my Masters thesis about. Since I'm supposed to lead the discussion, I should probably actually read my Masters thesis again. I'm kind of wary of doing that, because what if it sucks? I mean, sure they gave me the degree, but maybe they were just being nice.

Weather MADNESS

I know you're all sick of hearing about the weather, but this is just weird, people. When I walked to class this morning I arrived sweaty and gross like I have for the last few days when we had heat indices of 95 and such. I left class at 1 and it was actually pleasant out. Then the temperatures started dropping and not only do I not have the AC on, but I am closing all the windows because it's COLD. Apparently Boston is caught in some weather vortex. According to the Weather Channel other states around us and western Mass are in the muggy 80s per usual, but here it's 53 degrees.

I don't know how to dress for towns that defy the laws of nature.

Welcome to Kelly World. Population: Me

One of the attorneys I used to work with told me that when she studied for the Bar, she entered Cathy World. It was all Cathy, all the time. I'm beginning to understand what she meant.

Today: Get up at 6, work out, shower, breakfast, walk to Harvard, 3 hours of class, walk home, hour of lunch/reading email, 3 1/2 hours of Con Law card-making, 1 hour of practice questions, dinner and TV, write essay to turn in Wednesday, check email again. And here we are. 11 PM and I'm planning to finish up my book for book club tomorrow and be asleep by midnight-ish.

I find myself updating the blog because I get things in my head and since I haven't actually talked to a human being in 8 hours besides a "Hi, how are you?" to my roommates, I have to tell the whole internet world every little thing in a semblance of talking and communication (and then I worry that I'm just a big boring drag when no one comments. Although I'm ostensibly writing this blog just for me, but, as I've mentioned before, feeling popular rocks).

This is a very strange existence. I'm reading some of my emails and finding little time to respond to them. I need to do laundry, but I'm not sure when that's going to happen. Wednesday...maybe...? I just kind of throw my food together and eat, all the while thinking that I have a million thing to do because these weeks are going to fly by and I'll be taking the Bar before I know it and heaven knows, I'm not ready now, and this is no time to procrastinate or fall off the homework wagon even once.

Oy. The Bar is intense, just in case you were wondering.

And you know what really ticks me off? People who laugh and say, "Well, it's just PASSachusetts." Yeah, you can just shut up. It's still a freaking lot of law to memorize in only a couple of months, no matter what state you take it in. I realize it doesn't have the cachet of the California or New York Bars, but give me a break. It's still a Bar Exam.

I'm glad I'm going to book club tomorrow. I need non-Barbri student contact.

Spread the Word

Part Passionate Kisser

For you, kissing is about all about following your urges If someone's hot, you'll go in for the kiss - end of story You can keep any relationship hot with your steamy kisses A total spark plug - your kisses are bound to get you in trouble

Part Expert Kisser

You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

Lots of Fun

The power went off for 2 1/2 hours this afternoon. The heat index was 95 degrees.

I got my Con Law cards done, but not my practice questions because the heat was too irritating and I couldn't get comfortable. I have an essay due Wednesday, but since I have a book club meeting tomorrow, I'm going to try to write it tonight. Is it a bad thing that I don't quite know what the essay question is getting at? I still have 6 weeks before that becomes a major problem, right?

I have determined that there is no way to physically do everything Barbri tells us to do unless I do nothing else during the day. Ever. Including eat or sleep.

Proud of Myself

70 laps this morning and I did my set of 32 in 14:15 again. It wasn't a fluke!

Today marks the first Barbri class where I almost fell asleep. It happened during the first and third hours (during the second hour I was drinking a Diet Coke. Apparently I need 3 Diet Cokes per class). Today was the first half of Constitutional Law, which has never thrilled me anyway, and the lecturer, while a brilliant scholar whose hornbook got me through my Con Law classes, is really really dry and thinks puns are HILARIOUS! Note to professors (and the general public): PUNS IN REPETITION ARE NOT FUNNY. You can elicit a groan with 1, maybe 2, but 37 of them makes your audience just want to shoot themselves.

The roses are blooming:

Only in Boston. Or New York. And Probably South Florida During Snowbird Season

I got the finger today for taking the right of way. Granted, I was kind of a b***h about it, but he was having a mid-life crisis way before I came along. I turned left onto Somerville Ave from Beacon. There's a light there with a left turn lane and a right turn lane, and there's always a line of cars waiting to turn left because the light is crazily short. I turned left after waiting through one turn of the light and as I was turning, this guy in a tiny red BMW convertible came zipping along in the right hand turn lane and TURNED LEFT, bypassing the 7 or 8 cars who were behind me. My thought was, "Jerk."

Well, then there's a stoplight immediately after this turn. Somerville Ave is only one lane, even though it's wide. Beamer Man sidles up on the right side of the car in front of me, in the part of the street that actually isn't a lane, and I know he thinks I will just let him slide in. And I would have if he hadn't just pulled that little turn from the right lane maneuver. I've let lots of people in before at that same intersection when it was obvious they didn't realize there was only one lane.

Light turns green, the Honda in front of me takes off and so do I. Ha! I see some movement out of the corner of my eye, and when I glance in my rear-view mirror, I see his finger waving in the breeze, wanting to make sure that I get his point.

I'm going to think of his aggressive finger waving as more of a "Touche" or "Well played, old sport" than the angry display of a sad man with naught but a red convertible to satiate his waning sex appeal.

All Hail Willis Haviland Carrier

I love the world of the internet because as I'm sitting here in my rapidly cooling living room I can Google inventor + "air conditioner" and lo and behold.

Willis Haviland Carrier - a great, great man

So I'm only through the 2nd day of Property. But as I was writing out a note card on restrictive covenants and feeling more and more agitated as the sweat trickled down my back and puddled in between my thigh and the chair (pretty image, yes?), I decided to screw it and install the air conditioner I bought yesterday. I checked the weather first just to be sure I wasn't being a pansy. It's 84 with 65% humidity, which means it's REALLY 89, which is just hot and muggy (and, yes, I realize I'm moving to DC in 2 months, but my future apartment has a magical thing called central air). (And, yes, I also realize that compared to pioneer women or Pilgrim women or my immigrant family who came to Virginia in the 1600s, I am a pansy. But whatever. This is the 21st century and I demand air conditioning).

I am proud of myself because of the following sequence of events: I wrestled the AC out of the trunk of my car and carried it up the 38 steps to my apartment, where, despite our window sill looking nothing like the window sill in the instructions, I managed to install the AC and as of right now it doesn't look like it's going to fall out. I also rearranged some of the omnipresent crap in the living room (currently: Heidi's guitar, cello, trumpet, music stand, and pile of sheet music, Heidi's knitting, my crocheting, my computer, and my PMBR CD burning project. Huh, Angie has nothing out here. Well, she's missing out on some additional storage space is what I say to that.) Then Heidi came back from a bike ride and we moved the futon and couch so they're now in each other's spaces because since the couch arm is very high, you couldn't see a quarter of the TV when sitting on the couch because of where I had to move the TV to. And I had to move the TV because it was sitting in front of the window where the AC needed to go.

So anyway, that was my afternoon project and now I'm drinking water and cooling off and will hopefully get another hour of Property done before I go to the temple tonight. I was hoping to not have any more cards to do tomorrow, but I think the AC had priority status. Especially since it's supposed to be in the 90's Sunday.

Some People Say It Tastes Like Prunes

Someone in my neighborhood has a bumper sticker on their car that says, "I'm A Pepper" in Dr. Pepper lettering. As in "Wouldn't You Like To Be A Pepper Too?" Why yes, yes I would. Upon closer inspection, I realized that not only is the bumper sticker from the Dr. Pepper Museum, but the Dr. Pepper Museum is in Waco, Texas.

There's a Dr. Pepper Museum.

In Waco, Texas.

Well, obviously my life will not be complete until I make a pilgrimage to the Dr. Pepper Museum. It's taken on the same allure that The Thing held all through high school.

Thursday (or, I Can't Think of A Clever Subject Line)

Now that I've set my 14:15 mark, I am never going to be satisfied with any slower. Today I swam the 32 laps in 14:25 and felt like I failed - despite the fact that 14:25 is still 20 seconds faster than I was swimming it this time last week. I have an Overachiever Girl problem.

No Bar class today because of Harvard graduation. Harvard graduation that took over my corner of Cambridge today. On my way to the gym this morning I got held up at my turn onto Mass Ave by a parade of graduates led by a New Orleans Mardi Gras style jazz band. I actually thought that was pretty darn cool and think I might write BC and tell them they should consider a jazz band next year. Maybe after I get a job I'll donate funds and earmark them for a jazz band for BC Law graduation. However, there were A LOT of people graduating from Harvard today so I sat at that light for about 10 minutes.

Then after I did some work this morning, I drove to Home Depot and Target. The trip there and back took two hours (way longer than it should have), helped along by the massive crowds swarming through the streets around Harvard. Families of Graduates, please note that when you step out into the middle of the street in front of a car going 35 mph whilst talking over your shoulder at another family member, it is only by the grace of God that said car will avoid plowing into you.

I got an AC at Home Depot to put in the living room so I can close the door that shuts off the living room and dining room and study at the dining room table in air-conditioned comfort this summer. Today actually wound up being breezy and cool and the box fan in the window cooled things down nicely, but next hot day, that sucker goes in the window. You know what's great? We pay for all the electricity in the apartment EXCEPT FOR IN THE LIVING ROOM. The living room is somehow on our landlady's electric meter (which makes as much sense as our thermostat being in our downstairs neighbor's apartment, but I digress) so we can have the TV blaring, the fan turning, both torchieres glowing, AND the AC pumping, and we don't have to pay for it. Of course, we never do all that, but the point is, we COULD. We were a little worried last summer (I moved here in July) that our landlady would have a fit once we started running the living room AC, but she didn't. Life continued as before, but we got free air conditioning. Sort of makes up for no central air.

Yeah, not really though.

I got my flash cards for Criminal Procedure and the first day of Property done today. My hand is cramping up tonight. Hopefully, that will stop soon and I will be able to write all day come the end of July. I better be able to, anyway. Maybe the adrenaline will make my hand not ache. Tomorrow I'll be doing the note cards for the second and third days of Property. Property seems to be going pretty quickly, thankfully, so hopefully I can start getting to all the additional stuff Barbri wants us to do (like, you know, practice questions and silly things like that) sometime tomorrow as well.

Thus continues the life of someone studying for the Bar.

OK, how weird is it that I'm studying for the Bar? Just like my whole, "What? I graduated from law school?" moments, I now have these "I am NOT taking the Bar in less than 2 months." My life is very surreal. Maybe I should change the blog to A Day in An Often Surreal Life, because seriously, that's what I've been living lately.

Ow!

OK, Crest White Strips. You are not my best friend right now.

I've been doing the White Strips for 5 days. My teeth have become increasingly sensitive as the week has progressed, but I wanted my teeth whiter, darn it. Especially my incisors. All my teeth on either side of them are pretty white, but those two are yellowish, which I don't understand. I may have to stop after today, though. Today I have this weird lightning bolt of sensitivity shooting through the gum right before the first molar in the upper left side of my mouth. I took the strips off and it's still doing the little shooting pain thing every so often. To me, that doesn't seem like a good sign.

I'm thinking my lack of seeing the dentist for, um, a little while now, is going to bite me in the a**. And that's just going to make me mad because I have 2 1/2 years of braces, major jaw surgery, and periodic retainer wearage (even now, 10 years later, because my teeth are still moving) invested in this smile. If I go to the dentist and he grimaces and says "root canal" or "those teeth will never last past age 40" or "16 fillings, stat!" I will not be happy.

All because of White Strips. Thanks for making me paranoid, White Strips.

Sunny Sunny Sunshine!

Only 3 hours of class today. Hurrah! Starting us out with two full days sure does make the regular half days feel like a piece of cake. I find myself thinking, "Shut up! It's noon and I'm home?!"

According to my trusty Weather Bug it is 82 degrees out so I am going to pack up a blanket and my books and see if it's possible for me to make note cards while sitting in the sun at the park. Wish me luck because if I can do this on all the nice days it will make this whole Bar studying experience a much happier thing. And I'll be tan. I look so much better tan and most of my nail polishes look so much better on me when I'm tan. These things are important.

And as my public service announcement: SPF 30 and higher is important too. Just in case you were worried that I was going to be sitting there broiling in some Hawaiian Tropic tanning oil. Although, it does smell really good...

If this beautiful weather continues, I will know for sure that Harvard Law's clout extends all the way to the weather gods. Their graduation is this weekend and if they get a beautiful graduation while all the rest of us had to suck it up during the May That Wasn't and have indoor graduations and rained-out tours, I will feel happy for the people I know who are graduating, but I will also be a wee bit ticked off. Not that I will complain, because that's some serious clout, people, and I really don't want to be on their bad side.

The Fun Continues

Remember how yesterday I mentioned that the professor doing Crim Law and Crim Pro was crazy? Apparently he was just the warm-up act for today's Property professor. Professor Crazypants guided us through 6 hours of Property lectures today using various pneumonic devices set to song. Current pop songs, mostly, although there was a slide back to 1989 and an enthusiastic rendition of Bobby Brown's "My Prerogative" during a discussion of Fee Simple with Condition Subsequent. Other highlights:

Constructive eviction set to the tune of "Thank You" by Dido (something about "The morning rain comes through my window so I can't see at all" and how that led to constructive eviction because the window was leaking so badly)

I don't remember the topic, but she sang some parody of "Survivor" by Destiny's Child in which she made the entire live class say "Word" after each line.

And, as a bonus, a lascivious discussion about the REAL nature of Greg and Marcia Brady's relationship during a discussion of co-tenancies.

Good times.

Tomorrow is Property III so we get to spend another 3 hours with Professor Crazypants.

Swimmingly

Just a quick note before I leave for class. 72 laps this morning and I did my set of 32 in 14:15, which is a new personal best for me. So that's encouraging.

Barbri = Ick

Today was the first day of Barbri. I'm doing my course at Harvard and since their graduation is this weekend, we don't have class Thursday and Friday. But that means today and tomorrow we have 8 hours of class. The schedule usually goes: 4 hours of class in the morning followed by several hours of independent study in the afternoon and evening. That's not happening tonight. We covered Criminal Law and Criminal Procedure today and I'm about all lawed out for the day. It helped to have the craziest professor in the world doing the video lecture. At least it was entertaining some of the time. After 8 hours of sitting in one place and taking rapid notes, I can't bring myself to do the review and prep for tomorrow. Besides, I can't do ALL the review stuff for 2 classes tonight. I thought Thursday and Friday would be kind of relaxing, but I'm coming to realize, not so much.

And my hand is wicked sore from writing. I decided to take written notes instead of typing because the 2nd day of the Bar consists of 10 essays that we have to hand write and I haven't handwritten anything extensive for about 3 years. So I'm building up my strength. But my hand is SO sore. Too sore to write note cards anyway. I took 24 pages of written notes today.

I also am realizing that there is a LOT of information to memorize by the end of July. Feeling a little overwhelmed already. But I can do this. It's been done before.

I went to Staples after class to pick up index cards so I can make flash cards. While I was there I succumbed to the call of the Chicken McNuggets at the McDonald's in the same shopping center. Mostly because my brain is tired and I couldn't think of anything quick and easy to make besides cereal.

Tonight I am finishing burning the PMBR CDs for me and my friend Rachel. We're so clever. PMBR is a review for the multistate portion of the Bar. Neither one of us wanted to take the 6-day course, but we wanted all the CD's that you could get for signing up for the 6-day course. But if we signed up for the 3-day course, we could get 3 of the 6 CDs. So she got 3 and I got 3 and now I'm burning them all so we'll both have all of them. Don't tell the PMBR people.

And as you can see, my brain is too tired to be clever or witty or cute or anything else you might expect from my blog. I'll be back on my game on Wednesday, when we have the normal 4 hour class...or maybe Thursday...

60 laps this morning and then I walked the almost mile to and from Barbri.

Inspirational

Tonight we had a fireside at church put on by a family whose daughter suffered a traumatic brain injury in a car accident 6 years ago. The girl's sister is in my ward and her family has traveled all over Utah and Idaho talking about their experiences. For the Mormons with an Ensign subscription, the girl in my ward told us that there was a story about her family in December's Ensign.

At first I was sort of worried. It seemed almost voyeuristic and disassociative for us to hear her father and mother talk about the details of the accident and her recovery and their feelings about it as she's sitting right there. But there was a beautiful spirit there and I think one of the things that they conveyed so clearly that they are real people who obviously still suffer every day because of their daughter's pain and struggles. They spoke of her amazing strength and character. How everything she does, every movement she makes, is a result of months and years of struggling to train her body to work again. And how despite her struggles she is constantly looking outward and trying to figure out ways to serve others.

Then she got up and spoke. Her speech was halting and unclear, but listening to her it occurred to me what a miracle it is that she could stand there using her own strength and talk to us clearly enough that I could make out most of what she was saying. She spoke about 3 people who inspired her and the last story was about Jesus suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane. That was when I got choked up.

Afterwards I went up to the girl and her father and thanked them so much for their words. She held out her hand as if to shake mine and then reached out her arms and gave me a big hug. Her mother said in her talk that she has learned from her daughter that every day we need to think about how we use our time and how we live each moment. These are words I've heard many times before, but when you really see someone who honestly looks around her to see what she can do to help others every single moment, whether it is her family, or fellow patients in the hospital, or homeless people who she serves at a shelter, all with very limited motion and speaking ability, it really makes me realize how much more I should be doing.

There is a lot I want to do with my career, and I hope that I am able to once I get to DC. It occurred to me tonight that I have apirations for doing good, and I don't think God will let those desires go completely unanswered.

Just some food for thought for you and for me.

It's Good To Have Goals

I've discovered the real reason I want to lose weight. Wearing cute sylish clothes? Fabulous. Getting healthy? Great. Being attractive to guys? Nice. But the real reason is, I want to swim competitively again.

I swam my 80 laps this morning next to a totally toned guy in one of those biker short suits who obviously knew what he was doing. He was faster than me, but not by much. I've commented before about how much faster I bet I could be once I shed these 35-40 pounds. But today I felt really impatient about it. I want the weight gone so I can seriously start working on my speed. I'm hoping that once I get a job and settled and all of that, I can get involved with Masters swimming. Of course this all depends on what kind of job I get, how much money I make, how much time I actually have to put into it. But wouldn't that be fun?

I think my coach of my last year of swim team would be shocked to read this because, frankly, I was an absolute pill my last year. But it was kind of provoked. She was a bad coach. (My parents told me later that her dad was on the board of the Eastern Hills swim club or something and thus when our old coach left, guess who's daughter got brought in.)

The thing that she did that really irritated me was she screwed up our relays. That last year there were only four girls on the team in my age group, which meant that we had one medley relay and one free relay. Fortunately, each of us had a stroke we totally rocked at. I was freestyle in the medley relay. Always. Our old coach understood that. And I was the anchor on the free relay because (warning: tooting own horn to follow) I could make up any distance that we had lost earlier in the relay. (Yeah, I realize I'm a snot, but swimming is pretty much the one thing I did really well. And I kick myself for not swimming through high school and college. To give you an idea of my glory days: One night Daphne got the flu so I wound up swimming first and anchor in the free relay just for an exhibition race. We won. By an entire length of the pool.)

So what does Bad Coach do? She tries to mix things up. Now I'm all for trying us out on different strokes, but she would play her little puppetmaster games during scoring meets. I think half of them were scored and half of them weren't officially scored, so she had ample time to change things around and see how they worked when the scores didn't count in our total score for the season. But I would show up on the roster swimming breaststroke in the medley or something dumb like that. I was probably the slowest breaststroker on the entire team - slower than the 6 year olds who had to pause midway through their one length of the pool and cling to the laneline to catch their breath. So instead of vying for 1st place in the league with Indian Ridge (boo hiss Indian Ridge. Sorry, Santa Cruz Jenn) like we had in previous years, I think we were 7th out of 8 in the league or something ridiculous like that.

OK, now that I feel like one of those sad beefy guys who never got over their high school football years (a la Uncle Rico in Napoleon Dynamite)... My point is, I want to swim for real again. It's always a lot of fun being part of a team and because of Masters swimming I may have a chance eventually.

Wimps

When I went into our kitchen this morning I noticed that the neighbors have one of their window AC's going. Really? It's 68 degrees right now and reached a staggering high of 77 yesterday. To me, 77 means open all the windows and turn on some fans. I noticed they had the AC on a couple of times before and I think I've determined that if the temperature soars above 65 degrees, the AC goes on. I don't know what they're going to do when it actually gets hot. Lie prostrate on their floor, spraying water on themselves and praying for winter?

Yummy

I've seen some pictures of Hayden Christensen lately looking really odd with his hair too long and slicked over in a weird side part with strange flip of 3 curls in the back. I'm a big fan of the messy hair combined with the amazing eyes look, as in



With a spoon.


I keep forgetting to write in my workouts. I swam 80 laps Wednesday, Thursday, and today, and got in some butterfly and backstroke both Thursday and today. How is it possible that just flipping over on my back to do backstroke wears me out so much more than freestyle? It just shows me how the strokes use such different muscles.

Random compliment of the day: I was sitting outside the laundromat reading a book by Laurie Notaro. I had a semi-smile on my face because she's hilarious and some guy went sailing by on his bicycle and called out "Nice smile!" as he went by. I didn't even see him because by the time my brain had registered it and I looked up, he was gone. It's like the Random Compliment Fairy passed by. Thank you, Random Compliment Fairy!

Animals

I am now more tan than I was a few hours ago. However, Boston sun does not compare to Tucson or Boca Raton sun so I'm not as tan as I would be if I had been laying in the sun for 3 hours in either of those places. It's a start though.

Everyone was out walking their dogs at the park. About an hour after I got there I heard this jingle jingle behind me and suddenly there was a pile of white fluff rolling around on the magazine in front of me. This cute little dog writhed around in ecstasy as I rubbed her belly. Then she plopped down next to me and sat with me until her owner came over the hill a few minutes later, calling her. The owner called out, "I hope she didn't bother you!" and I assured her she didn't. I miss animals! I was just having a discussion today with Mandy about how much I love Beagles. They're so cute and have short hair and are little smarty-pantses. My roommate Angie loves to watch dog shows and I always turn into a pile of simpering goo when the Beagle comes on.

My old roommate had 3 cats when we lived together. If not for the cats, she and I would have run out of conversation about 6 months into our 2 years of living together. We were always calling the other one into our room or the living room or the kitchen or the bathroom to see what cute thing the cats were doing now. Kodos, one of the two brothers, adopted me after a bit and started sleeping all flopped on my bed with me.

This is Kodos and Kang on my bed. Kodos is the one on the right, and that's basically the position he lay in on my bed most of the time.


When I started packing to move out, Kodos got really clingy. Like sitting on my lap kind of clingy. Bear in mind, Kodos is a large 16-pound boy. Usually he just sort of leaned on my leg when he sat next to me on the couch, but when he got worried that things were about to change he started crawling right up into my lap and cuddling as close as he could to me. Basically he took up my whole lap and I had to kind of cradle him in my arms to keep him from sliding off one side or the other. I couldn't really do much while he was sitting there, but, you know, as long as the cat is comfortable, that's all that really matters.

I picked up my Barbri books today.


Behold the Bar madness. That's a 16 inch-high stack of lawyerly goodness. The plan is to have all of this memorized by the last week of July. Lots of fun.

What's That? Could It Be...?

It's the sun! Shining! In the sky over Boston!

I just got back from lunch with my friend Mandy (where we had the luxury of eating outside because, you see, the sun is shining!) I have sunscreen and my swimsuit on and I'm heading to the park to read trashy magazines and soak in some UV.

It's A Woman's Most Attractive Feature

I speak of confidence. I just want to talk about it a little since in response to vocalizing a couple of my neuroses, a few guys assured me that confidence is key to attracting that perfect guy.

I have spent most of my life feeling very insecure and afraid to let people see the real me. Over the past little while I have been coming into my own, which has been a lot of fun. Instead of only 3 or 4 people knowing the real me, like in the past, I think pretty much anyone who knows me now has some idea of who I really am. I'm not afraid to be me anymore. I find myself being sassy in ways that I wouldn't have been a year ago.

The fun part about being real and about feeling good about who I am and the strides I'm making with my fitness and diet is I know it shows. My girl friends say I look great, but I also see the reactions I get from guys. Just guys on the street or on the train (not guys at church, though). It's nice to know that I am getting looked at, that I do get appraised to some degree. Sometimes it's fun to feel like an object.

The fears I have:
That I'm too late. 28 is too late to realize that you're a cool person and still meet a guy.

That nothing will change. That I can have guys look at me on the street or from their cars or on the train, but still be invisible to Mormon guys, who have the core belief system that I would like in a boyfriend/husband.

That I will somehow exude TOO MUCH confidence and guys will just assume that I have no need/desire for a man in my life (I've had it implied to me before that even in my insecure state I seemed too together to be approachable. Holy cow, if that's the case, I must be a man repellant at this point).


I realize that dating in the church is difficult for many reasons. Women expect the perfect man/men expect the perfect woman. Or the man/woman puts too much emphasis on one date. I don't really know how to solve the too much emphasis on one date thing. First, I feel like some guys won't ask a girl out unless he's SURE that there's eternal potential there. Which is stupid for a myriad of reasons. Second, I feel like some girls freak out if a guy asks them out because she never gets asked out ans so she assumes he really really likes her. It's a vicious cycle that I think could be solved if Mormons just had normal dating patterns where all the guys asked out different girls on a semi-regular basis. We'd all get to know each other better and I think we'd have a lot more fun and let up on some of the pressure that attends first dates in Mormonland.

Oh, also, Chris, don't knock the goo-goo eyes on the first date. Sometimes you can feel it right away... :)

Crazy Little Thing

I think this is post-graduation let-down that I'm experiencing. I'm feeling antsy, but lazy at the same time. I'm snacking and then I'm crocheting and then I'm thinking of all the little things I need to be doing and I'm up, down, on the couch, walking down the hall to my room. I swept the floors again yesterday because they were covered in crumbs and dirt since being swept a week ago. (I love hardwood floors, but the upkeep is murder). I watched a movie, I started a second one, but was feeling too antsy to sit down and watch it.

My general feeling seems to be, Is this all there is? I know the Bar is coming up, and my move to DC, and looking for a job. I think I feel kind of stagnant right now because I know I'm leaving and I just wish I could go and get started with the next chapter, rather than waiting out these last three months. I also wish I had a magic wand to wave over all my stuff and make it go from Boston to DC because I hate moving with a passion. But I digress.

I wish I could let myself relax. I do a good impression of it at times, but my brain is always racing. Even if I'm watching a movie or reading a book, sometimes my mind will wander and I'll have to rewind or read the same page over and over. There's just so much to think about. So much to worry about if I let myself.

Thinking about singleness: Is it odd that I know a lot of single women who have been single for a very long time, and, for that matter, haven't gone out on a date in a very long time? Is this just unique to the Mormon world, or is this an issue with all groups? I feel like the vast majority of my non-Mormon girl friends are single for about 5 seconds before a new guy comes into the picture. But my Mormon girl friends all fall into the long-term single category. My friends who do have boyfriends were single for a looooong time before that.

I suppose I feel a bit hopeful moving somewhere new that perhaps I'll meet someone. But from what I hear from the girls down in DC, it's more of the same down there. And I'll never be blonde and/or a size 2 and will forever be off the radar for many many Mormon guys (this is based on prior experiences and empirical knowledge of the 5 girls in my ward who do go out. My apologies to the Mormon man who looks for more).

I'm glad I have an education. I'm glad I have a chance to have an (hopefully) interesting career. But here's the thing. I don't want it ALL to be career. I don't want to be defined solely by my career and my single woman in the Mormon church-ness. I want to be someone's wife and someone's mother. I can think to myself that I will keep myself busy and have hobbies and travel and work. But I really want a man to share all of that with. It's really all I've ever wanted for as long as I can remember. And so far it's been the hardest thing in the world for me to find.

According to my therapist, who I saw today just in the nick of time, the letdown and obsessing about nothing is perfectly normal. So I'm normal in my neuroses. Hurrah!

Picture of the day (this one's for Mike):


Say it loud, say it proud.

Women's Locker Room

I'm very happy that you're comfortable with your body and all, but I don't really like starting my day eye-level with your bits as you lotion up your inner thigh. Just saying.