A White World

This morning I woke up and got dressed right away to go exploring in the snow. I took my camera and shot almost a whole roll of film in my 5 block walk around the neighborhood. Just as I was leaving, one of my roommates came inside from having shoveled out some of the walk so I took a picture of her. She has this orange coat that looks more suitable to an Antarctic expedition than wintertime in Boston. She told me I would need a windbreaker because the wind was blowing really hard. Bear in mind I already had my heavy coat, scarf, earmuffs, and boots on, but she said the wind would whip right through my coat. So she loaned me a Columbia windbreaker of hers and I put it on over my coat - it was a men's jacket and big enough to fit over my coat and me. She was right, I needed it. I'm sure I looked dead sexy as well.

Upon stepping outside of my door, I was surprised at the quiet. I could only hear the shhh of the snow and the whooshing of the wind. It is never completely quiet where I live. Traffic is always rushing by on the busy street 3 houses down from me, and a lot of people use our street as a quick thoroughfare from one main road to another. I walked down the middle of my street and up the hill to my car, where I took several pictures of it buried in the snow. Then I walked to the main road and only had to step aside once as a Jeep with a plow attached to the front passed by. The snow was still falling hard and I could only see about 20 feet in front of me, and after that it was all whiteness. I met about five other people out walking and as we passed each other we gave each other looks like, "Isn't this amazing?"

The people in my ward organized three Sacrament services at people's homes, so at about 1:30 my roomies and I set out for our friends' house 4 blocks away. Once one of my roomies emails me the picture we had a passerby take of us all bundled up, I'll post it to this site. Heidi in her orange jacket, Angie with 3 hoods covering her head, and me with 2 jackets on. We had a nice time meeting up with some people from church and had a nice short meeting, followed by hot cider and chocolate chip oatmeal cookies. While we were there, the snow finally stopped. All told, I think it snowed hard for about 24 hours straight.

When we came back to our street, the whole neighborhood was out, shoveling walks and digging out cars. I decided I better go ahead and dig out my car before the snow froze into an ice block. All I have to say is, let's hear it for dry snow! I'm worn out, and I know my arms are going to be sore tomorrow, but at least the snow was pretty light. It took me about an hour and a half.

The problem I had was where in the world to put all the snow? Since you can only park on one side of the street, I repeatedly crossed the street and piled the snow on the snowbank on the other side. Several people had the same idea and the snow pile keep towering higher and higher. I figure it will be all melted by June or so. When I walk through the narrow shoveled-out paths on the sidewalks, the snow on either side of me is about waist deep.

I have to say how fabulous the local men with their snowblowers and snowplows are, especially the one at Chatham and Dana at about 5:30 PM tonight. I managed to dig out my car about 2/3 of the way. I figured if I could just make a spot big enough for me to back out a little and then turn and wiggle my way out, I'd be ok. I guess the city has a deal with various snowblower owners because they keep showing up to clear paths on the sidewalks. One man showed up at 5:30 and proceeded to make a path on the sidewalk running alongside my car. He came out to get something from his truck and asked, "Do you want some help?" Twist my arm. He got rid of the rest of that 1/3 pile of snow, so now my car is completely clear. Hooray! I thanked him profusely and was going to grab him some cookies one of my roomies made today, but he left right after he helped me. His karma is going to be good today.

The world is very surreal and strangely beautiful right now. I can still hear the wind whistling around my house and know it's going to be a cold cold night.

Storm of the Century

That's what they're calling it. My question is - would that be this century? Because, really, this century hasn't lasted very long so it's not that impressive when you think about it.

Regardless, it's snowing wicked hard and the wind is wicked strong (we are in Boston, after all). I had a bunch of errands to run today and I finished just as the snow started really coming down. The snow keeps falling, and the icicles on the neighbor's eaves look increasingly dangerous. And the wind!

All told, it's an amazing storm!

I am so not looking forward to digging out my car on Monday. I just looked at the cars out in front of our house and the drifts are about up to the hoods. I'm sure by the time I wake up tomorrow the cars will be completely covered. I'm going to take some picture tomorrow morning (the flannel pajamas came out as soon as I got home so I haven't taken any pictures tonight). I don't have my real camera since I left it at my parents' place at Christmas to be mailed to me, however that has yet to happen. I do have a cheap-o camera I bought at Menard's in Chicago several years ago so hopefully the pictures will look decent. The camera is a great icy blue - very appropriate.

I love fresh snow, even if it is three feet high. Church has been cancelled tomorrow, everything is at a standstill. There's something so cozy about being snowed in. Now if only I had a fireplace... My roommate told me everyone at the grocery store today was stockpiling like it's the end of the world. I will confess to filling up some water bottles and buying some extra cans of soup. Oh, and mint hot chocolate. Got to have my priorities.

Confession

I am not obsessed with Settlers. I know, I know. We're all shocked and appalled.

For those of you not familiar with the latest game sweeping the Mormons, I'm speaking of Settlers of Catan (all hail Lord of Catan. You are mighty and wise). In Settlers you have a board with various natural resources upon which you place settlements and roads in order to obtain said resources with the roll of the die and to attain such heights as "Longest Road" or "Largest Army." Oh the hilarity that ensues.

Plus, Settlers is so super special that you have to go to a super special store to get it. Not only that, but you have to pay a super special price for it - ie TOO MUCH. And there are expansion packs.

Honestly, I enjoy playing Settlers if it happens to be being played, but I don't generally seek it out. Some of the Boston Mormons play almost every night. In fact, one night I played at a house where TWO Settlers games were going on at the same time. Sometimes the games get heated. I've seen people yell and exclaim about the unfairness of it all, followed by the yanking out of the rulebook to contest their opponent's latest move, but Settlers has never inspired great passion in me.

For my money Nerts is the game to play. Nerts is a group Solitaire-type game that results in lots of yelling and flailing of cards and gnashing of teeth. Now there's some good fun.

Lord of the Rings Redux

LOL LOTR Alternate

Skankalicious

Finding out that I’m 51% Ska has reminded me about all the great ska tunes that Jenn in Santa Cruz gave me ages ago. I’ve worn out that tape, but thanks to the magic of the iTunes music store, I can car dance to Desmond Dekker once again. Hurrah!

I Am 51% Ska

Phew! I just barely made it over the 50% mark. Although I think I should get double points for knowing the answer to "______________ for you, Rudy." Anyone else know that (besides Jenn in Santa Cruz)?

I think I should get triple points for having a Dave's Big Deluxe T-shirt, but that wasn't a question in the quiz. Whatever (making W with both thumbs and index fingers).

The tests at this site promise to keep me busy for quite some time. Up next: the White Trash test. If my family tree is any indication, that one should come out about 75%. As my mom says, "We're white trash made good."

And proud of it!

Lipgloss is My New Secret Weapon

Several years ago, I went out to dinner with this friend of mine, we'll call him Mr. D. Mr. D had a crush on me for, oh, about six years, but I thought it was pretty clear by this point in our relationship that we were JUST friends and we were only ever going to be JUST friends. After we finished dinner, we were pulling out of the parking lot in his car, when I flipped down the visor and started reapplying my lipstick in the mirror. Mr. D stopped the car, put it in Park, and turned to watch me. I looked at him, one lip lipsticked, "What?" He said, "Nothing. Please continue." So I finished, with him watching me all the while. When I was done, he faced forward again with a little grin on his face, put the car into Drive, and pulled out of the parking lot. A little creepy? A little, yeah. But I had been fending off Mr. D's advances for several years, so that probably added to the creepiness factor. I just thought it was a little odd.

Upon reflection, I realized that he must have gotten a kick out of watching me apply the lipstick. I had the chance to ask a guy friend about it tonight and he confirmed my suspicions. This particular guy thinks Chapstick is the ultimate in sexy, because he likes more simple girls. However, lipstick works too. Apparently, though, lipgloss is the pinnacle of lip sexy. First, it draws attention to the girl's lips, which is always good. Second, it emphasizes how soft and kissable said lips are. Third, - and this is why lipgloss wins - lipgloss guarantees the lips will taste extra good.

Now that I think about it, I recall getting some rave reviews of a sparkly, vanilla-flavored lipgloss at one point...

Pay attention, ladies (for those of you who were ignorant like me). Lipgloss is the key. I just thought I was buying all that Bonne Belle for my own benefit, but apparently not. Maybe if I start applying lipgloss conspicuously in church, I'll actually attract a Mormon boy or two.

Party Planning

This semester I'm planning the Board of Student Advisors Advocacy Banquet. Why am I planning it? Because last September it seemed like a really good idea to add a giant party onto my things to do pile. This is a big event, held at a fancy-schmancy hotel downtown, where lots of alums get up and drone on and on about their time at BC Law and their following illustrious careers. And we give awards to the Moot Court teams and the winners of the advocay competitions. Thankfully, last year my back was to the podium, so I could make faces at regular intervals.

Here's what's on my to do list:
- Figure out the day for the banquet. I just found out that the faculty advisor has set a date already. I JUST found that out. That would be good for me to have known, since I'm planning the whole thing and ostensibly should have picked a venue already.
- Find a venue. I should probably just go with the hotel we've used in the past, but apparently last year they screwed us over in a few respects, so I'm shopping around.
- Figure out who is speaking and who should be invited. Thankfully, various faculty members will help with the majority of that.
- Coordinate invitations and make sure they get sent out and that people actually send back their reply cards. I don't really know how to ensure that other than constant nagging.
- Make programs.
- Order these little silver bowl thingies for all of the competition winners and Moot Court teams.

Um, that's all I can think of right now. It's a pretty hefty project. I think I need a committee. Maybe I'll rope in some other BSA members with promises of chocolate or money. Maybe I can skim a little off the top ofthe budget to pay people. Maybe I can skim a little off the top for a trip to an island locale after the whole affair is over and done with.

Romantic Movie Malaise

One of my roommates and I just watched a romantic Jane Austen period movie. I love getting caught up in the romance and feeling happy for the characters, but after it's all over, I sigh, wondering if I'm EVER going to meet anyone again who sparks any interest for me.

When I was 20, 21, 22 it was easy to find someone for a NCMO (non-committal make out for the non-Mormons). Now that I'm in my late 20's (gasp!) it's harder and harder to find someone to snog, as the British say. It probably has a lot to do with my being more discriminating now in general. I want kissing to mean more than just a random make out. The majority of my close friends are married, and several of them have started having babies, and I feel like I'm at a standstill in that area of my life.

Here's something I've wondered about for much of my life. How come it seems like some people always have a significant other trailing along behind, while people like me find it so difficult to even catch someone's eye? I don't think I'm repulsive and I think I'm a nice person, yet I have had one boyfriend in all of my 28 years, and he was no prize.

Disclaimer: to be absolutely fair there were many many issues that broke us up on both sides of the romantic equation. However, most of the time we were together I felt like I rated in his life somewhere behind his parents, his siblings, his friends, his schoolwork, and his favorite TV shows.

I have hashed over the relationship with many people and in my own head interminably. The point is, despite connecting on a very strong innate level, we were wrong in many ways. I've thought about this lately and feel like in reality he and I were very similar people with the way we thought about lots of things, but choices were made that changed things and drove us apart.

If I met him now, I don't think I would want to be with him. I don't think I would be attracted to him. I think I would see his insecure self and find it rather repulsive. I think the first time he said he was feeling distant from me because he thought I was judging him, or because he was jealous, I would have been annoyed, not despondent. This is all bearing in mind that my mantra to him was "I love you no matter what" and that I never gave him ANY reason to be jealous. I am the most loyal person in the world - to my own detriment. Even when my closest friends were telling me I needed to break up with him because the relationship was destroying me, I defended him. I would have defended him to my last breath. Even now, it's easy for me to rationalize his behavior, because it's so easy for me to see exactly what I did wrong.

But the more I talk about things with my friends who are in committed, long-term relationships, and the more I see how they interact with their boyfriends and husbands, I realize you cut each other some slack in relationships. I realize how much I was willing to let him slide, but how he never could understand why I wasn't perfect. I understood the hardships he was going through and the stress he was under, and all I got from him was "I am under so much stress," not "I know you're stressed out too."

Selfish bastard was his name after he broke up with me and I realized how fully I had been taken in. You know it's bad when beneath the sadness of the lost dream of the future, there is this little sigh of relief. There's this little voice whispering "I'm free." He and his family were not my concern anymore. I didn't have to drive myself crazy trying to figure out what I could do to help him and to make it so he didn't take everything I said to him as a personal criticism. I didn't have to watch what I said in the hopes that he wouldn't misinterpret it somehow and get mad at me, or think I was having feelings for whatever guys I happened to be friends with. I didn't have to accept that he viewed my scholastic and career goals as some sort of hobby, while his goals were the really important issue in our planning for the future.

I asked my therapist a couple of months ago, "When does it stop being forgive and forget, and when does it start being, I'm a doormat?" She told me if I'm forgiving and forgetting the same things over and over, then I'm a doormat.

That's what it was like. Every time I tried to tell him how I felt neglected or unimportant, he would apologize and tell me he loved me and I was right and things would change. And they would - for a day or two. Then it was back to the status quo. I was Kelly the Doormat and I freely admit that now. I was desperate to keep him at any cost to myself. Now I wonder what in the world I was so excited about. I thought he and I had this magical intense understanding, but I realize now that it wasn't really true. No, wait. Actually, I made the effort and I "got" him. His last birthday that we were together I sent him this great present centered around his favorite football team. Honestly, I could care less about football, but he loved football and I wanted to get him something he would like (because isn't that the point of presents?). He told me it was the best present he got, but he was so surprised I got it for him because he knows I dislike football. Well, duh. It's your present. I got it because I knew you would like it. Your birthday isn't about me. Things like that probably should have signalled to me how differently we saw what it meant to be in a relationship.

Once it was all over, I felt so worn out. I felt like he had sucked every last bit of pride and energy out of me, toying with my affections while he decided he didn't want to be with me.

I am not that person anymore. Thank God.

Both of us had issues of insecurity and neediness. I am not who I was and I would not be attracted to the little insecure boy who he was. I don't know who he is now. I know he is married, but I also know he and his wife didn't seem all that thrilled about being together the last time a friend of mine saw them together.

I wonder about him. I wonder if he has EVER dealt with any of the many many issues in his life. When his parents split up he went into denial mode, talking about how he guessed they didn't have the perfect relationship like we all thought. This from the guy who spent long hours talking with me about how miserable his parents made each other and how differently he wanted to do things. If he ever did have real feelings for me, I know he has never adressed them - at least not with me. I got a half-page note from him telling me we should "cut our losses" and then a venom-infused email 8 months later when I DARED to email him asking if we could talk because I knew he was back. Why the anger? Why the hatred? If he's blissfully with someone else, should my email have inspired such a vicious reaction?

No, he's probably thrown himself into schoolwork, because that's what he does best. Part of me hopes he's happy, but I'm not a big enough person yet to hope that whole-heartedly. Part of me would still like him to be miserable. I freely admit I'm human and I have not reached the point of angelically blessing his marriage.

Anyway....
I did not set out to write a diatribe about my ex, so I apologize to those of you who have heard all of this before. The romantic movie and the lack of ANYone else in my life can make me maudlin at times. I'm also slightly ill so that's not helping. I woke up in the middle of the night with an achey stomach and I missed church because of it. I should probably just go to sleep and tomorrow I'm sure I'll have some perspective again.

Have you ever noticed how out of whack your perspective gets at 1 in the morning?

The Men and Women Radio Broadcast

Here's the link to the NPR broadcast from last night called "Glass Ceiling at the Altar." They mentioned several interesting-sounding books to check out: Same Difference: How Gender Myths are Hurting Our Relationships, Our Children, and Our Jobs; The New Wife: the Evolving Role of the American Wife; Sex on the Brain: The Biological Differences Between Men and Women.

I thought the points made, especially by Deborah Blum, who wrote Sex on the Brain, arguing counter to the University of Michigan study were interesting. Particularly when they noted that the questions were formed in a way to get the answers they wanted (ie Men don't want smart women) and that they asked these questions to undergraduate students. I would argue that most undergrad-aged people don't know what they want or even really understand what a real relationship is. When I was 21, I wanted an intelligent hotty who worshipped the ground I walk on. Yeah, not so much anymore. That sort of adulation would get tedious. Now I really am looking for a partner. I want mutual respect, chemistry, intellectual discourse, and lots of laughter. So I think the same sort of thing can probably be said for the guys in the study - right now they think they want the less intelligent women who adore them unquestioningly. However, I don't think ALL of them would want the same thing when they're 31 versus 21. I sincerely hope at least some of them will have grown up by then.

Men and Women

Elizabeth put this in the comments, but in case you don't read the comments I thought it was worth noting that WBUR "Boston's NPR news station" show "Talking Point" is discussing the issue addressed in the NYT article tonight (Friday Jan.14th) at 7PM.

I'll be tuning in.

Much More Interesting Than Name, Rank, Serial Number

If anyone would like to fill this out and send it to me I love learning random things about my friends. I also LOVE surveys.

1. First Name: Kelly

2. Were you named after anyone: Nope. Basically my mom wanted a K name so my initials would be KIM like my dad's because they liked that and because they could use the cradle my grandpa made with KIM on the side.

3. When did you last cry? The last clear time I actually cry cried was on my last day of finals last semester.

4. Do you like your handwriting? It's pretty awful, but I'm fine with it

5. What is your favourite lunch meat? Italian roast beef or genoa salami

6. What is your birthdate? October 10, 1976

7. What is your most embarrassing CD? Gloria Estefan's Greatest Hits

8. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? Probably. I'm always looking for people who "get" me and who would get me better than me?

9. Are you a daredevil? No, unless swimming out as far as possible into the Atlantic Ocean counts.

10. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell? Yes, but only once I can think of and for a very good reason. (a friend liked another friend and I thought the 2nd friend needed warning of same since 1st friend was going to ask 2nd friend out. 2nd friend appreciated the warning, and as a bonus they're married now and I'm positive 1st friend has forgiven me)

11. Do looks matter? Weeelll, there's got to be some sort of chemistry. If I can't think he's cute, then what's the point.

12. How do you release anger? Either I vent IMMEDIATELY to everyone and anyone. OR I bottle it all up and it comes out in tears at some point 4 months down the road. OR I write about it. OR I go swimming.

13. Where is your second home? The Board of Student Advisors office. So much so that yesterday I attempted to open the door with the key to my apartment.

14. Do you trust others easily? Yes, although you'd think I would have learned by now...

15. What was your favourite toy as a child? When I was really little my favorite toy was Ollie, this yellow mound of plastic with orange yarn hair and wheels that I could ride on. Sadly, my dad ran over him when I left him in the driveway. That was a traumatic day.

16. What class in high school do you think was totally useless? Driver's Ed. Scare tactics and simulator filmstrips from the 70's do not a good driver make. Plus, I had already had my license for a year, I just had to take it to graduate.

17. Do you have a journal? Kind of. There's my blog and then random things I write on my computer. I have a plan to someday print all of these things out, but am not sure if it will happen before the inevitable day when my computer crashes.

18. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Absolutely. And because I'm so innocent looking I usually get a great completely shocked reaction from new people.

19. Favourite movie(s)? Millions and millions. Let's see, It's a Wonderful Life, Office Space, Raising Arizona, Pride and Prejudice...

20. What are your nicknames? Bood, Kellikins

21. Would you bungee jump? Noooo. Just the thought makes me feel ill.

22. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Yes

23. Do you think that you are strong? Sometimes, in some ways.

24. What's your favourite ice cream flavour? Chocolate raspberry truffle, Cookies and Creme

25. Shoe size: 7 1/2 W - 8 (if I get an 8, it doesn't need to be wide usually)

26. What are your favourite colours? crimson, ocean blue

27. What is your least favourite thing about yourself? My lack of confidence. I'm getting better and better, but I still feel intimidated by things a lot. At least my heart doesn't explode out of my chest every time I have to give a talk in church now. That's progress.

28. Who do you miss most? Nana and Papaw

29. Do you want everyone you send this to, to send it back? Sure

30. What colour pants are you wearing? Black with flared legs and cuffs (I'm sassy!)

31. What are you listening to right now? The heating system in the building I work in and someone in the next room looking through file drawers for something

32. Last thing you ate? Pineapple chunks and strawberry yogurt

33. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be? blue-green (which is actually more green than green-blue. I never got that about Crayola)

34. What is the weather like right now? Windy windy windy. I saw some guy lose his hat on Beacon Street. And warm - although according to Weather Bug the temperature is rapidly dropping. It was 60 about an hour ago and now it's 45.

35. Last person you talked to on the phone? Grace

36. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Height, smile (and teeth), hair

37. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yes, she's very entertaining

38. How are you today? Oh fine

39. Favourite drink? Diet Coke with Lime and Diet Dr. Pepper

40. Favourite sport? Swimming. Basketball

41. Hair colour? dark brown naturally. Kind of dark auburn now. Everyone thinks it's natural so shhhhhh.

42. Eye colour? dark brown

43. Do you wear contacts? Yes

44. Favourite food? sushi, snow crab legs

45. Last Movie you watched? The Full Monty

46. Favourite Day of the year? That first crisp Autumn day when someone somewhere has a fire burning, and I'm crunching through leaves as I walk.

47. Scary Movies or happy endings? Suspenseful movies and feel-good endings that make me cry

48. Summer or Winter? I'm more of an Autumn girl

49. Hugs or Kisses? Yes, please!

50. What is your favourite dessert? Randi's molten chocolate cake with raspberries

51. Who is most likely to respond? Beckie

52. Who is least likely to respond? Everyone else

53. Living arrangements? I live on the 3rd floor of a walk-up with 2 other girls. Bonus: we can paint the walls. Mine is currently a color I call cafe latte. Bonus two: we have a purple door and hardwood floors and black and white checkered tile in the bathroom.

54. What books are you reading? Mansfield Park by Jane Austen and various law texts

55. What is on your mouse pad? Nothing but a gel wrist rest (say THAT 3 times fast)

56. Favourite game? Spider Solitaire, Snood, Trivial Pursuit

57. What is the last thing you watched on tv? News Center 5 LIVE Update

58. Favourite smells? Lilacs, freshly-washed boy

59. Rolling Stones or Beatles? Beatles (as if it's really a question)

60. Do you believe in Evolution or Creationism? Both

61. What's the furthest you have been from home? When my parents lived in Tucson, AZ and I flew to Middlebury, VT all by myself to start college. It didn't hit me how FAR away I really was until I stood in the middle of my barren dorm room on my first night there. I had met a bunch of people that day, but I fully realized how alone I was at that moment.

Depression Ensues via The New York Times

A friend forwarded me this article today. Please, men, please someone tell me that there's someone out there who wants a smart woman. Lesbianism is not an option for me because men are just too darn cute.

It's A Small World

Do you just reach a point in your life where you've met everyone you're going to meet so they start recylcling through again?

I just discovered that a guy who I lived next to in a dorm at Middlebury College 10 years ago is in my Criminal Law class. And he's a 2L which means he's been here a whole year and we never bumped into each other. Dave made my day on my 18th birthday by writing Happy Birthday to You in Spanish on my dry erase board hanging on the dorm room door. He also reminded me today that my psycho roommate's shorn-headed boyfriend was dubbed "Scar" by the guys in our hall. Good times.

Down Dooby Do Down Down

Oh my gosh, this weather is killing me. I can handle snow and ice and slush and all of that, but could the sun peek out just a little bit? It's gray gray gray here day after day. Last winter was super cold, but at least it was sunny most days.

I think the whole grayness factor is the reason why I'm feeling so mopey. I had to draaaaag my behind out of bed this morning and into the shower, and then plod my way ever so carefully through the newly fallen frozen rain/slush mess that is Cambridge. Now all I can think about is the fact that I don't have a job and my world is going to end in a few months.

Am I being too dramatic?

To top it all off I realized that I can't Shuffle songs when I'm listening to them by Genre or Playlist; I'm stuck playing them in the order they downloaded and since the Genres and Playlists downloaded alphabetically by Artist basically I'm listening to the albums, so it's just like listening to my walkman and where's the fun in that? The problem with hitting Shuffle for ALL the songs is I have a fair amount of Classical, Christmas, and Enya songs that don't really get my toes tapping as I walk to the T. iPod likes to mix it up, so basically this morning I got The Breeders, a Brandenburg Concerto, Loreena McKennit, Enya, The Pixies, U2, and "The Island of Misfit Toys" from Rankin Bass's "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer."

So on my list of avoidance-of-real-life tactics is creating a bunch of great Playlists and re-downloading everything onto my iPod.

Hilarity

I just have to share this because it's way too funny not to. Go to http://stewf.blogs.com/stewflog/ and scroll down to "Big J Debut" and click on "Wild Life."

Big J is the husband of one of the many Jen/Jenns in my life.

Oo La La

There's a professor at my school who I've heard over and over is super attractive. Frankly I didn't really get it. I suppose compared with law professors in general, he's HOOOOT, but not say compared to Brad Pitt (sadness about he and Jennifer Aniston). To give you a law professor gauge, my first year section regularly compared our Con Law professor to Gollum. He was a great professor, but elderly and bald with wispy gray hair over his ears. He also had a tendency to twist himself into strange contortions as he lectured. Like, for instance, standing in front of a 2 1/2 foot high table, putting his book down on the table, then lifting one knee on the table so that his calf and knee were parallel to the floor, then bending down so his face was 2 inches from the book, all while speaking on the finer points of the 14th Amendment. Frankly, it was impressive. He must do yoga.

Well, this semester I have a class with the aforementioned hot professor. When I spoke with him before I thought he was decent looking, but a wee bit effeminate, which I don't find attractive. However, I think the attractiveness is heavily based on his presence in front of a large classroom full of students, dressed in a fancy-schmancy suit. It's like he glows. My friend Rachel turned to me and said "He's kind of attractive." I said, "Yeah, I've heard rumors to that effect." She raised her eyebrows, "Rumors...?" "No, no. Not those kind of rumors. Just about him being attractive" He's a very nice man and I actually bumped into him last year at the airport when I left town for Spring Break. He was with his wife and two sons. So no rumors like that, people!

My point is, classes are always better when you have something pleasant to look at.

Dreams

I had a scary dream on Saturday night, which explains why my sleep has been so restless over the past couple of nights. The really bad thing about it was that I felt like I was awake the entire time. Which begs the question: was I? I've had a lot of strange experiences in that state where I'm sure I'm awake, but maybe I'm not because the things I'm seeing just don't make sense. This has led into a lot of my discussions with people about ghosts. Am I experiencing dreams or is there something more to it?

On Saturday night at about 3 AM I "woke up" and felt like I was being constrained by something. It was as if something enveloped me and I couldn't move. Then just to the left of me, like someone was sitting next to my bed right next to my head I heard this low, evil chuckle. I felt terrified. I was able to turn my head and move my arm enough to reach out to turn on the light next to my bed. I pulled the cord and it didn't turn on. I yanked it 5 or 6 times and it wouldn't turn on. Then I noticed my clock was off and I realized the power was out, which happens every couple of weeks in this apartment. It figured, what with the heavy snow and freezing rain we got all day Saturday. I burrowed down under my covers, still feeling terrified, and literally prayed to not be scared and for the power to come back on. I still felt like I was being forcibly held there in that position and I tried to scream, but couldn't. No sound would come out of my mouth. I waited. After about 15 minutes I realized my humidifier was on, which meant the power wasn't out. I reached out to turn on my light and it came on. My clock wasn't blinking 12:00, which meant the power never went out.

Was it a dream? It seemed so real.

As stupid as it sounds, I slept with my light on last night. It makes me feel better.

I have more of these stories of seeing and experiencing strange things in that state. I wake up in the middle of the night and see something and immediately turn on my light because I get scared. There have only been two times I haven't turned on the light. One was when I honestly thought there was a man in my room and I ran out. The other time I tried to talk to the person I saw. She just smiled and walked out of the doorway.

I suppose I really do chalk these up to dreams, since I've always had an active dream life. I used to walk and talk in my sleep regularly. Maybe I still do, it's just I haven't had a slumber party in so long that there's no one to tell me.

However, it's more chill-inducing to think they are ghosts. But in moments like Saturday night, when I can still remember how scared I felt, it's best to think it's all in my head.

Various Annoyances

Today I'm driving to school and I stop at The Wrap to get...a wrap. Anyway, I had to do a U turn into major traffic and I needed to get over to the right hand lane. The guy behind me honked no less than seven times. First of all, there was NOWHERE for me to go, dumb guy in the car behind me. The traffic was packed and I was looking for any opening. Second, it was a very wide turn area and the guy could have easily gone around me if he was so intent on zooming out into traffic in wanton disregard of his and others lives and safety. But whatever. If it made you feel better to honk at me every five seconds, I'm glad to help. Grrrr.

Adventures in Delaware

Last Spring my best friend from high school spent a few months studying in Wilmington, DE. Being just a hop, skip, and a jump away (or rather about an hour via plane from Providence to Philly) I decided to visit. Since Jenn was getting married in November and Martha, a fellow bridesmaid, lived just down in DC we converged on Wilmington for a fab weekend.

Jenn's uncle loaned her a purple Neon while she was in Delaware. It's really great for those days when you just can't remember where you parked.



This is Jenn and me after consuming large amounts of ice cream. Almost as good as a Pixie Stiks high.



Jenn and Martha, fellow member of the bridesmaid posse.




Jenn stayed on the site of the museum where she studied. Below are two pictures of what was basically her backyard.







I saw a bunch of groundhogs at sunset, but never got a picture. They're fast! (and very cute in a roly-poly Punxsutawney Phil kind of way)

And just to sum up, in case you didn't know, Wilmington really is a place to be somebody.

Pictures

My former roomies and me at Thanksgiving.

Do It Yourself Napster

I had a CD burning party with my friend Mandy on Monday and got a TON of new songs that I am very excited about. She is my Pop connection - Britney, N'Sync, Ashlee Simpson. If I wanted Justin Timberlake, I could get that from her too, but, you know, I really really don't. She also has lots of great Euro-dance music to the extent that I could host a rave in my bedroom now. I have red curtains on my door so it's practically a posh exclusive club already. I just need a bouncer and a black light.

Last night instead of working on my paper that was technically due 7 months ago I made 3 new mix CDs. Hooray! I love rocking out in my car. Bunny and I have good times zipping along, yelling at the crappy Boston drivers, thumping to the bass (well, she thumps, I car dance).

I also watched Alias for the very first time last night. My roommate is a big fan. Now I know I'm not a tried and true fan, and the story kept me interested, but does anyone else think the pacing is achingly slooooow. Maybe it's to build the suspense, but really the super special 2 hour premiere could have been crammed into one hour, no problem.

Phew, thank heavens I don't get a ton of readers. I'm sure the Alias4Ever.com crowd would kick my butt.

Time to slip and slide my way home from work. We had freezing rain today. Joy. Only 6 1/2 weeks until I go to Florida for Spring Break where I fully intend to read trashy magazines and novels of the Bridget Jones variety, and to bake myself in the sun and come home with a tan that everyone is jealous of.

Shudder

How's this for freaky? This morning on the T I sat three seats away from a guy who looked almost exactly like my ex. He was cuter than my ex, but still looked a LOT like him. Same curly hair, same pointy chin, same semi-5 o'clock shadow even though I bet he just shaved. The profiles were disturbingly similar. His nose was straighter, which made him cuter because my ex's pug nose always bugged me and I secretly hoped our kids would get my nose.

Anyway, weird way to start the day. I had this strange visceral reaction when I looked over and saw him, like being repulsed and attracted at the same time. I did a double-take. As I walked from my stop to work my stomach still felt completely knotted up. Bleh. Almost 2 years later and these are the emotions this guy inspires. And it wasn't even him!!

An Addition to the Annals of Disturbing Commercial Mascots

Yes I have another one that grosses me out. So much so that I have to change the channel when the commercial comes on.

The ad is for a product called Mucinex and according to their corporate website, the big green animated loogy is named Mr. Mucus. All I have to say to that is YUCK. Check him out, he's vile: http://www.mucinex.com/07_mr-mucus.htm

I Am Wire Less

It's like losing a limb, being without the internet.

Our internet has been on the fritz for several weeks now. It's hasn't been a huge deal because I could get online at school while I was studying, was away for a week, and in the meantime could generally get on using my downstairs neighbor's connection. (Ours isn't encrypted either. I am perfectly fine with him using ours when we get it working again). However, he turned his off a few days ago and hasn't turned it back on. One of my roommates is in charge of the internet account and she hasn't been too expedient about calling Verizon. I asked her this morning if she could please call today and she said if she gets the time... I pointed out that I need the internet to do church stuff as well as my job search. I said I would be perfectly willing to call them if she would give me the bill. She said something about the bill as she walked out of the room that I didn't catch, but she seems to be in this constantly irritated state around me and I just didn't want to dig anymore.

What she doesn't know is that I called customer service a couple of weeks ago in my frustration. They wouldn't really tell me anything, since I'm not her, but they did say we'd need to call billing. Is she not paying the bill?! I really hope that's not the case.

So I have these great pictures from my best friend from high school's wedding in November and our adventures in Wilmington, DE, as well as Thanksgiving with my old roommates that I want to upload and email to people. I don't want to drive a half hour to school every night just to get online when I have a perfectly good connection at home. So annoying!

Well now I have to get to work, but wanted to post because I'm going through update-my-life-for-the-sake-of-random-internet-people withdrawal. According to my site meter I have some readership in Alaska, which I find intriguing. Northern Exposure is one of my favorite shows, and in my heart I know every small Alaskan town is just like Cicely.

Thoughts and Resolutions

Happy New Year!

It's 3:30 AM and I'm waiting out my downstairs neighbor's New Years party so I can go to sleep. Right now he's playing "I Believe in A Thing Called Love" by The Darkness so I'm pretty happy. And that's not sarcasm; I love that song. It's fabulous for head banging and screeching in high falsetto when you happen to be in that sort of mood. I'm also appreciating the drunk guys on the balcony below my window singing along. I think I'll go downstairs tomorrow and see if I can borrow the CD from Jeff. He should be up by 1 PM or so, right?

I got home from my own party at 2:30ish. It was fun. We watched the ball drop, played some games, acted silly in our tiredness, ate some good food, toasted with sparkling cider. I've determined I don't need alcohol to act goofy, although alcohol provides a really good excuse. The problem with being goofy with the Mormons is everyone remembers and there's no excuse. But whatever. I think I'm to the point where I'm comfortable enough to be me and they'll just have to deal. Well, I'm mostly comfortable with me :)

Here are my thoughts tonight. 2003 was a poopy year and 2004 was slightly better (it could really only get better). I think 2005 will be good. I hope. If all goes well I will figure out where I will take the Bar AND I will get a job that actually lets me pay my rent and my student loan payment all in the same month. I can dream, can't I? Right now DC seems to be the top choice for me to move to. I saw some Boston friends who moved to DC tonight and chatted with them about the DC atmosphere. There was a definite mix. One girl LOVES it, one girl thinks it's way too political, one girl is just unhappy and wants to move back to Boston. Of course, when I said I'm not thrilled with Boston, another friend looked simply aghast. I don't think Boston is my niche, but of course I don't really know if DC is either.

Sometimes I wish I had a boyfriend just to help this decision along. I don't want someone to decide for me, but I would like someone to discuss this with, someone who cares about where I end up, someone who matters in my decision-making process. Like say I met a guy tomorrow who I want to be with and it turns out he still has 4 more years of a PhD program. Well, gee I guess I'll stay in Boston. Or maybe I'd meet someone who also always wanted to check out DC so then Hey, let's move to DC. As much as I have enjoyed my lifelong exposure to various locales, it makes these decisions difficult. So many of my friends have a home base that they know is where they want to wind up, but I don't really.

I'm going to take a long weekend in January or February and go down to DC to stay with a friend and see what I think of the environment, the city, the church, the general feel of the place. When I came to Boston to visit law schools I felt so strongly that this was where I needed to be for law school. It felt right. I hope that going to DC will give me some sort of answer, whether yes or no.

Looking forward, the only resolution I really have this year is to get back on my workout and diet schedule and keep on losing weight. Since I actually have been doing that this fall I feel like I have more dedication to it than all the people who are just starting with the new year. The gym will be PACKED this month, though. It feels so fabulous to have people notice that I'm losing weight! I know that I've lost weight, of course, but I never really believe it shows that much. Apparently it does, at least over the last few months. That feeling is enough to keep me motivated. I have to check to see if Bally's is open tomorrow.... Get the year started on the right foot and all that.

Well, the bass is still thumping away downstairs so I think I'll continue downloading my CDs. I have lots of jazz to put on my computer. For some reason I write really well to jazz so I've got to have that.

Tsunami Aid

This blog has updates on how to donate and help in other ways:
http://tsunamihelp.blogspot.com/


Not that any "relief" will be real relief. I cannot even comprehend what people are going through there, but just cry as I watch the news.

NO Ice Block!

On the way home from the airport my friend Mandy drove me by my car and it, in fact, is not encased in a block of ice. I am so relieved. However, there is a red ribbon on the antennae, which Mandy thinks may mean I have a ticket. Hmph. Apparently in Somerville there's a rule that in a snow emergency you can't park on the odd side (or is it the even side). THEN if you don't move your car 48 hours after that, you get a ticket. If you ask me, I think that's asaninity (yes, I just made that up) in it's most blatant form. Are people never allowed to go out of town and leave their cars during the winter? So anyway, Cambridge may have a similar rule. But my feeling is, if there isn't a big ole sign telling me about it, I have grounds to contest a ticket. I've already contested one parking ticket with the City of Cambridge, I don't mind doing it again. They don't scare me.

I just have to say a big giant THANK YOU to Mandy for picking me up at the airport so I didn't have to drag my massive suitcase home on the icy streets and sidewalks. She gets extra super bonus points for picking me up even though we left Chicago 2 hours late.

Now that I have an internet connection for my laptop again I can start playing with my big Christmas present: an iPod. I LEAP into the 21st century.

Natural Disasters

Everyone, please say a little prayer for all the people in South Asia and Africa affected by the tsunamis. So awful...

Snow Snow Snow Snow SNOW

Usually, I am a big fan of snow. I love watching it fall as I sit all warm and cozy inside my apartment, preferably with a mug of hot chocolate in hand. I love the shhhhhhh sound it makes as it falls on a quiet night and the crunching sound my boots make when I walk across it.

However, I did not get to enjoy any of the above when the snow fell in Boston, and now have only the aftermath of icy sidewalks and my aforementioned block o' ice car to look forward to when I get home tomorrow. I have several broken bones in my past attesting to my bad relationship with ice. However, for a girl who grew up in Arizona, with summer trips to South Florida, I think it's a testament to my adaptability that I haven't broken my neck after six winters in icy locales (knock on wood). This winter I actually bought some boots. Hurrah!

It's all so unfair. I figure if I have to deal with the ice afterwards, I should get to revel in the storm itself, right?

I called my friend Mandy today and left her a message asking if she could pick me up at the airport tomorrow. She in turn left me a message while I was in the shower saying sure she could pick me up probably IF she got her car unearthed from the massive snowbank she found it in upon her return from Idaho. That doesn't bode well for Bunny, my little car. I am so praying for 45 degrees and rain tomorrow. Melt that ice!

Sunkist

Shut up!! Sunkist Orange has caffeine? I just read an article in Marie Claire (or maybe it was Self. Or Glamour. did I mention I ADORE trashy magazines when I'm on vacation?) about the caffeine content in various drinks. Who decided to put caffeine in orange soda? Caffeine seems like an integral element to colas, and I can even see the Barq's root beer connection since it's brown like a cola, but orange soda seems out in left field. I don't claim to be an orthodox Mormon - I drink soda with caffeine ( I know, you're shocked and appalled). However, since I'm on the whole weight-loss trend, I'm trying to keep as little caffeine in my diet as possible. A doctor told me that caffeine stimulates the appetite, as well as other things, which I definitely don't want. The Saturday before I came to Chicago I did laundry at my local laundromat in between studying. I didn't have a chance to eat breakfast and it was coming up on noon and I thought I'd just buy a soda out of the vending machine to get some filler calories in me. What did I buy? Sunkist. Those soda guys are tricky.

And how exactly did I get to be 28 and not know about the caffeine in Sunkist?

Snow in Boston?!

So I heard from my dad yesterday that it snowed about a foot and a half in Boston. Is this true? Seriously, could someone let me know? Here is my dilemma. Before I left, I checked weather.com to see if it was supposed to snow while I was gone. The reason this was so important is because I live almost a mile from the T station and either I could wheel my really heavy suitcase along the still icy and slushy roads from the snow the day before, dodging a car every 30 seconds or so because no one sees fit to shovel their sidewalks, which, really let's be honest here, are old and craggy anyway with tree roots pushing through and unexpected dips in the brick paths, which are charming, but completely impractical with the added ice and such. OR I could drive my car over to a point about a block and a half from the T station and walk down the middle of the street, only dodging cars for a minute or two and only getting slightly out of breath as I wheel my really heavy suitcase to the T. So after checking the weather, which told me that for the next 10 days or so the skies would be pretty clear, with maybe a slight chance of rain, but in the 40s the whole time so don't even worry about it, Kelly, I drove my car over to the T and parked. Now apparently it has snowed and last night there was a deep freeze. So my little Ford Focus should be a completely plowed-over ice block by the time I get back to Boston on Thursday. Joy. Anyone want to pick me up at the airport?

I do have a smidgen of hope. Weather.com, who failed me before, but whom I'm clinging to in this time of panic, has informed me that Wednesday and Thursday are supposed to be in the 40s and Friday should be in the 50s with rain. Oh please oh please oh please. Please melt down my little block of ice.

Bears

It IS Charmin:
http://www.teddies-world.net/adver/charm.html

Have You Ever Noticed?

How family doesn't really see you as an adult until you're married, preferably with kids? I understand that I will always be my parents' kid, but I think they respect me more as an adult than a lot of my family. For instance, I emailed my aunt a couple of weeks ago and just told her all the stuff that I was working on in the past month or so. She wrote back and said "You are one busy girl!" This from the aunt who was 13 when I was born. I know it's just a phrase, but I think it sums up how they see me. First, I'm still in school - granted it's law school, and I have an MA on top of my BA, but to them it's just "school." I won't be an adult until I'm out of school. Second, there's no husband in sight - or even a boyfriend for that matter - as far as the eye can see. Is there just something wrong with Kelly that she can't hold onto a man? My cousin Marie didn't get married until she was 38, and I remember how the family talked about her in such a different way than those who were married with children, even if they were 15 years younger than Marie. It was like Marie was biding her time until a man came along, even though I knew she had a career she was happy with and was making a success of her life despite coming from some hard circumstances.

So what happens if I never get married? Am I always going to be little Kelly who doesn't have a "real" life, despite whatever else I happen to be doing?

Now don't even get me started on being single in the Mormon church. As my friend Katie said the other night in what has become my favorite TV catchphrase: Can open; worms everywhere.

Just So You Know What Kind of Geek You're Dealing With

My dad found a website of some guy who is selling all the Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes! Alllright! My parents and I watch both Christmas ones every year - it's become a Christmas tradition. I think both movies came out in the early or mid 60's and they're hideous. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians has Martians with green face paint and glittery painted scuba masks on their foreheads. Are the masks some sort of telepathy device? Screening from the UV due to Mars's thin atmosphere? Some sort of benign growth all Martians have from the aforementioned UV? I don't know.

Santa Claus is an English-dubbed Mexican movie with the freakiest reindeer you ever did see. I think it's the demonic laughter that worries me the most. One of the best lines: "That's not a doll, that's a sister!" as Lupita, the 4-year-old star staggers in with this doll as big as her. Both movies gain so much by having the MST3K guys give them the once over.

The other one I want is Attack of the Eye Creatures just because of the freaky guy in the striped nightgown. You know, they made some weird movies in the 60's.

Survival

I did it! I lived through this semester. I sometimes wondered if I would. When I told people everything I was doing this semester they would ask me, "Are you crazy?" The answer was always a definitive "Yes!" This semester I:

-worked 8 hours a week at one law firm
-interned 16 hours a week at another law firm
-took classes
-started the Health Law Society at BC Law and became President. We even managed to pull together a career panel in November with five practitioners for student to talk to.
-represented BC Law in the Health Law Section Steering Committee of the Boston Bar Association
-helped out with the Mock Trial competition for the Board of Student Advisors
-picked topics, found speakers and prayers, and coordinated with the music director for Sacrament Meetings every single week (well, no speakers on Fast Sunday, but you get the point)

I took my last final this morning and I think it went well. As I mentioned before, this was my prof who told us what was on the test beforehand. Despite that, there was still an insane amount of information and I basically typed straight through the entire 3 hours.

After the exam, I went to Macy's to spend my gift certificate that the attorney I interned for gave me (so nice!) and to get one of my roommate's Christmas presents. I had a minor meltdown on the drive out to the Burlington Mall. It just suddenly hit me that I did it. I made it through this semester that everyone said I was nuts to take on. I did it. I started crying thinking about it and realizing that next semester is going to be infinitely better.

And now, I'm going to sleep. Tomorrow I fly to Chicago for 9 days of doing nothing. Ah, the sheer decadence! My mom just IMed me and told me about all the yummy things they'll have to eat while I'm there (they went grocery shopping today). Hurray for parents and being able to relax!

Not To Be One of Those Christian Freaks...

Church today was wonderful. I love Christmas-time because it gives all of us a valid excuse to be all mushy and gushy and sweet and good to each other and talk about how much we really really appreciate just exactly what Christ did for us and why his birth - and his death and resurrection - are worthy of the immense joy this season brings. Today I gave a talk in church about The Gift of the Savior. I sat on the stand with my friend Christy who talked about The Gift of the Holy Ghost. Christy is one of the best people I know, and she gave an awesome talk. She is so kind and loving and funny and just makes me feel genuinely okay with who I am. Then we had a lovely musical number of What Child Is This and by the third verse, the tears had taken me over. I got through my talk, with only a little bit of tears. I always have this weird detached feeling when I stand up there, talking into the microphone. I have my talk written out and I speak the words, but I feel like I'm watching myself and am not quite sure what will come out of my mouth. Maybe that has to do with the whole fear of public speaking thing. However, I loved standing up there, looking out and seeing a sea of people who know me and care about me and who aren't going to judge me even if I stand up there and babble. Well, ok, maybe a little judgment - but I'd judge me too I suppose if that was all I did. Regardless, it felt good.

I wasn't going to go to Relief Society because I needed to come back to school and study for my final tomorrow morning, but I found out my friend Katie would be teaching so of course I had to stay for that. She is an aMAzing teacher. Here are the moments I love in church. Katie stood up there talking about the Savior, and I realized that she was making the same points I had made in my talk. She told me before Relief Society started that she had been a mess all through my talk, and I was a mess all through her lesson. Lots of tears today - but good, joyful tears. Afterwards I told her how I started writing my talk last Sunday and then I started over again last night. I came to the exact same point both times, even though I started from different angles. And it was the point Katie made too. The moments like that help me believe that maybe I am a little bit in tune spiritually and am saying the things that I, and the rest of my ward, need to hear.

The point is this: The Savior gave and gives us so much. In my talk I focused on the peace and love He gives. My favorite scripture is John 14:27"

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

Finding that peace and joy for ourselves is only the beginning, though. To continue Christ's work, it is vital that we spread that peace and joy to others. Christmas gives us the opportunity to see how things could be if we felt the desire to share it every single day. The point of being a Christian, in my mind, is to share that joy. I don't mean that we have to run out and convert masses of people and tell them to believe what we believe. I'm talking about looking outside of ourselves and doing the best we can to "mourn with those who mourn, and comfort those who stand in need of comfort," as well as take part in other people's joys. This is what I want to do this year (and next year and the next...). I want to be a better friend. I want to be able to share a bit of Christ's love with everyone, by being some sort of stand-in for Him. I know there have been so many times when I have received the comfort I had been praying for from my friends, and I want to be that person in others' lives. I want to embody the true meaning of "Christian" and help others through whatever it is they happen to be going through.

And I know I will fall WAY short, but then, that's the magic of the Atonement. We do all we can, knowing that Christ makes up the difference. Such a wonderful deal!

I Don't Think I Failed

I just finished Corporations and it wasn't as hideous as I thought it would be. It was long and detailed and there were definitely some answers I wasn't sure of. However, the questions were based almost verbatim on the cases. Makes me really glad that I caught up on my reading and didn't just try to wing it with notes alone. Phew! I'm glad that's done

Next is Mental Health and the Law on Monday. Assuming I make an effort at studying (which I plan to) I think I'll be okay since she TOLD US WHAT'S ON THE EXAM. No kidding. The last day of class she rattled off what the four essay questions would cover. Basically, we don't know the name of the mentally ill guy and his sister - most everything else is right there spelled out for us. The professor told us that last year the administration took issue with how high her grades were to which she replied, "I don't care." She said she figures we've been in class and have participated and have done the readings, why make the exam unnecessarily hard, which is refreshing considering the sadistic tendencies of law professors at exam time. Besides she's a judge. The administration is going to debate grades with a judge? Yeah, no.

And, oh yeah, I have to give a talk on Sunday. You would think since I'm the one who plans Sacrament Meeting I could have made things easier for myself - or heck, not even assigned myself a talk. However, the new bishop requested that I speak before the end of the year and the 19th was the ONLY time I could do it. I am SOOO not into public speaking and since my prep time for this talk has been almost non-existent - well, I'm going with the Spirit on this one. I think the bishop thinks I have good things to say, but I think he may be wrong. At least I think I can guarantee it won't be stream of consciousness (we had one of those a couple of months ago. It wasn't pretty)

Ghost Stories

It's 8:35 PM and I am officially stopping this whole studying thing and leaving school. I will return bright and early just in time to fail my Corporations final. Is there a direct correlation between that and discovering that I really like writing this and doing important things like looking up "toilet paper bears"? Perhaps. However, since no one seems to want to hire me as an attorney right now, I'm thinking about a career as a professional blogger. Anyone want to pay me to do this?

A friend and I discussed ghost stories today (and since he's a fan I'd like to give a shout out to Allen). We both have some creepy spine-tingling stories - I love that spine-tingling feeling. I wonder where ghosts fit into Mormon theology? I can see a place for them, since we do believe in spirits and in certain immutable traits. I figure I'll still be me when this life is all over and done with. So I can see, say, a mother checking up on her child, but what about the random hauntings you hear about? What's the explanation? Overactive imaginations? I personally don't think I can chalk it all up to that.

OK, I'm really leaving now. Wish me luck on my final!


PS I can't really fail. It's BC Law after all, the touchy-feely law school. I'll just get a big fat C.

Toilet Paper Bears

Does anyone else find Charmin's new mascots really disturbing? They have sort of ethereal little cartoons with big ole brown bears in the woods talking about how clean and fresh Charmin makes them. OK I don't want to know that much about the potty habits of animated bears. They just look SO SO pleased and do a little shimmy dance at the end.

(At least, I'm pretty sure it's Charmin. Let's Google that: "toilet paper" + bears

http://www.mrspohlmeyerskinderpage.com/bears.htm
Scroll down to "Toilet Paper Roll Bears: We make bears from toilet paper rolls"
I don't understand that. Really, TP rolls are too skinny to make a realistic bear, people. Come on now.

http://www.bears-lair.com/dir_name__Web_Links--l_op__viewlinkdetails--lid__644--ttitle__Win_Toilet_Paper
Down at the VERY bottom of the page: Win Toilet Paper. Apparently you can win 24 rolls of toilet paper in a weekly drawing. Ooookay.

http://www.papabearsnorthwoods.com/
Wisconsin's LARGEST Rustic Home Furnishings Store. You can get a bear TP holder, dontcha know.)

OK, back to the Corporations outline. Tomorrow I fail the test and won't have to outline anymore. Hurray!

I Passed!

I passed the MPRE! Hooray!

Oh My Heck

It's freakin' cold outside.

(The above lines are proof positive that I am a Mormon who spent a substantial amount of time in the Mormon Belt - Utah/Arizona/Idaho)

But seriously, it's cold. Suddenly my heavy coat, scarf, and earmuffs are all very very necessary as I walk to the T. According to my WeatherBug update, it's 24 degrees in Cambridge. I suppose it's about time I pull the air conditioner out of my window. I felt a distinctly chilly breeze as I stood in front of that window this morning.

Has anyone else discovered the joy of earmuffs? The first time I visited my parents in Chicago when I was 19 I was oh-so-not prepared for the cold. Yes, I spent my first year of college in Vermont, but it was a very mild winter. And Chicago is a world unto itself as far as cold, blustery winters go. All those tall building create the most amazing wind tunnels. Wrap-your-umbrella-around-you-as-you-cross-the-street wind tunnels. So I stepped off the plane from Tucson into O'Hare Airport; no problem. From the airport to the car in the parking garage; completely inside, NO problem. However, I froze my behind off walking from my parents' parking space to their apartment - and it was all of 50 feet. The next day my dad and I walked to the mall (Water Tower Place) 3 blocks away and by the time I got there I had my gloved hands over my ears. The pain - oh the pain! - of frozen ears. At the mall I bought some earmuffs and I have never looked back. I don't care if people think I look stupid, my ears are toasty warm and for some reason that makes everything ok. I think the muting effect of the earmuffs on city noises makes me feel more peaceful too. Zen in a couple of fuzzy black discs.

Iraq - To Amy

The following is a response to my cousin's comment to my post about being sad because my other cousin, her brother, is in Iraq.

Dear Amy,
Since I have talked a little about politics on this site, I suppose I should say more about why I feel the way I do. I have thought about the other side of the coin; I've thought about this from many angles. I love Greg and I know he truly believes he is doing the right thing by being in Iraq. I completely respect that and am so grateful that he and the many other people in the military are willing to risk their lives for the rest of us. Even though I don't support the war, I have been tempted to buy one of those "Support Our Troops" stickers because I do support them, especially now that a family member is there.

I am a pacifist by nature, disliking conflict in my own life and abhorring warfare. I remember vividly when we began fighting in Afghanistan. I cried, but I believed we were there for a reason. Al-Qaeda attacked the US and the Taliban harbored Al-Qaeda. The war in Afghanistan was a defensive war. If we had done nothing I would have been very angry. However, once the people in the Bush administration turned the focus to Iraq, they lost my support. It happened so quickly. In the 2002 State of the Union address, only four months after 9/11, Bush began talking about "the axis of evil" - Iraq, Iran, and North Korea. Suddenly the focus was off of Afghanistan, where the Taliban was routed and Al-Qaeda dispersed to an extent, but not destroyed or dismantled.

I didn't and don't understand the point of being in Iraq. I didn't support being there in the early 90's either, but at least there was some semblance of an argument for force - that Iraq invaded Kuwait and we were fighting against that aggressive action. This time we were told that there were weapons of mass destruction - I remember Bush and Cheney and Rumsfeld telling us so. Once it was revealed that there were no WMD's, the main argument they gave for going to Iraq, I was furious. The people in the administration began backpedaling, stating that they hadn't been sure, and had never said they were sure. But I remember them saying the weapons were definitely there and we needed to go in so Saddam Hussein couldn't use them against us. They also told us that Al-Qaeda and Iraq were linked. Another untruth.

Now we are there and Americans die every day - for what? Now that we are there, it is a mess, and I hope someone has a way for us to extricate ourselves before Iraq becomes simply a protectorate of the United States.

I do not believe in offensive war, which is what the war in Iraq is. I believe in fighting to protect home and family and a way of life. Iraq was not a threat to any of those when we started this war.

Some may argue that Saddam Hussein is an awful dictator who killed his own people. This is true. However, that can be said about many despots in many different countries. Will we be fighting in those countries next? China has been cited for many human rights violations over the years, but we will not question them for many reasons, one of which is the mass amount of trade between our two countries. I don't believe that it is the responsibility of the United States to be the world's police, especially by taking unilateral action.

I don't have an answer to the world's ills, but on the other hand I don't believe starting a war is an answer.

So these are my opinions. I usually don't discuss politics with you and the rest of the extended family because I know we have very different opinions and I would rather just enjoy our time and communications with each other, rather than foster contention. I hope you understand that I love and support Greg and hope with all of my heart that he comes home safe and sound. I hope all of our troops do, and I hope they can come home soon.

Love,
Kelly

Oh dear

http://www.wholesomewear.com/

Diet Coke w/ Lime, aka Crack....w/ Lime

This morning I went to Store 24 (interchangeable with 7-11 or Circle K) for my jolt of caffeine for the day. I usually don't drink a ton of caffeine, but around finals time, well, really I should just hook myself up to a caffeine IV when all is said and done. I walked up to the cooler and at the very front of the Diet Coke w/ Lime selection was a bottle with a giant orange 99 cent sticker on it. Hurrah! My caffeine fix and savings. The guy rings it up and says, "$1.34." I say, "Wha... It says 99 cents." He says "Yes, but that was before. The date has passed." I turn the bottle around. Nowhere on the lovely orange sticker o' savings does it have a date. I point that out to him. He says "Yes, but the date has passed. It was the 15th. What was that...two weeks ago." I look at him blankly. He sighs "OK, fine, I'll sell it to you for 99 cents."

The moral of the story is if you argue or just look confused, you will get your price. I'm sure that's a conclusion that many of you have come to before, but in my new-found law school obstinacy, I'm discovering things like this all the time.

My Mediation paper is now 19 pages long and I'm just about done editing it and then I can send it off to my professor and concentrate on my 2 finals. Corporations is the plan for today and just ask me how much I do not want to study for that exam. Go ahead, ask. First of all, I've been working in Corporate Law for a year and a half now and realize that much of what we have been reading and listening to lectures on is completely obtuse and useless when it comes to the practicalities of day to day practice. In reality, yeah it's good to have some sort of foundation, but I wrote a memo on fiduciary duties this semester for my internship about 2 months before I actually studied it in my Corporations class and, guess what, my memo was just great without having read the 111 pages on fiduciary duties in my textbook.

Second, my professor is insane. Seriously. He started out mildly; I just figured he was a little eccentric. As the semester wore on, he got weirder and weirder, with strange little rambling asides that the class couldn't quite hear as he mulled over some point of law in his head. Then he'd look at us with his red face and yellow hair and slightly maniacal grin and call out "Are you with me?" Smile and nod seemed to be the best approach.

So I get to study for that test now. I have a whole big diatribe on law school testing and grading, but I'm not going to get into that now. I'll just say it's all based on whether we happen to be reading a professor's mind that particular day.

It's A Fact

Eating large quantities of Christmas-wrapped Reese's peanut butter cups over the course of the day will not only keep you energized, but will also prevent you from being hungry for anything else. To attempt to counteract the large amounts of sugar coursing through my system, I am now eating carrots. Mm-mm-mm.

Ironic that I just wrote about losing weight. Huh. I guess in a couple of weeks I'll be writing about coping with the crippling depression that my massive weight gain has inspired.

Losing Weight

I have been battling my weight since I was 9 years old, mostly on the losing side. My metabolism and predilection for ice cream and dark chocolate continually conspire against me. However, since I moved to Boston I've lost 35 pounds (most of it since shedding my ex. Talk about dead weight ;) ). It's reached the point recently that I am getting lots of comments and my old clothing is no longer fitting me well. That's fabulous, of course, except for my lack of money to buy new clothes. Maybe if I start wearing my baggy sweatpants everywhere, one of my friends will nominate me for What Not To Wear, or write Oprah telling her about their sad sad friend who desperately needs a new wardrobe - and a trip to Italy - and maybe a convertible... I don't want to lose weight so guys will look at me - although that is a nice perk - but because it feels so good to try on cute clothes and say things like "Oh my gosh! I'm a Medium at Ann Taylor! Do you know how long it's been since I've been a Medium?!" Oh and yeah, health and wellness and feeling more mentally alert blah blah blah.

Lately I've become the unofficial spokeswoman for www.ediets.com, mostly because they're so practical in their approach to weight loss. Well, unless you do one of the extreme diets. But my mama always told me to eat my fruits and vegetables and whole wheat bread so I'm all about the balanced diet. They give you recipes, menus, and grocery lists. Well, not "give" since there is a monthly fee, but it's not much and is totally worth it in my mind. Since I am also a Dr. Phil acolyte (don't judge) I'm doing his plan and it's fabulous! The recipes are really yummy. Ex: today for lunch I'm having a Mediterranean Salmon Couscous Salad and an apple. How can you beat that? (Anyone who mentions New York Super Fudge Chunk will be summarily dismissed)

I'm thinking about this a lot today because I weighed myself at the gym and I've lost another couple of pounds despite the 4 day span of gluttony that was Thanksgiving weekend. Hooray!

Single 4-Ever

I just found out another one of my terminally single friends has acquired a semi-boyfriend. That's 2 in 2 days. I am genuinely happy for them, especially for my friend who feels like she's met THE ONE, but I wish it could be my turn.

Is it me? Is it the men? Is it Boston? Is it "just not the right time" as everyone keeps assuring me?

Not to obsess.... A friend and I were discussing just the other day how obsessive and crazy we become around finals time. I'm chalking it up to that desire to think about ANYthing besides the fact that I have finals to prepare for and I am not prepared at all.

Procrastination

OK, so I didn't get to my paper today, but I did manage to get two of my backed-up Corporations assignments read. It's progress, even if it's lame-o, not enough progress.

After sleeping for 8 1/2 hours last night I realized, hey, I'm tired. This semester has worn me out. I am so looking forward to flying to Chicago on the 21st and relaxing for 8 days. Oh except for the days my mom has set aside for mandatory baking. Every couple of years she gets a bee in her bonnet about us baking like crazy for Christmas, which usually translates into her supervising as I bake up 9 or 10 different types of cookies. My parents used to have doormen we could distribute to, but now they live in the suburbs. 2 years ago, we sent the majority of the cookies to my now ex-boyfriend who was on a mission. I don't know if he and his companion even got through them all. Who knows who we'll give them all to this year. The horses at the stables down the street? My mom became the baking taskmaster once she acquired Big Red - her KitchenAid mixer. She loves to supervise.

The Mouse Story

{Warning: The following is grody. Maybe even to the max}

So way back in September I alluded to The Mouse Story and then never told it. Since I am of the belief that it's best to release painful memories, I shall write it out for you all.

Context (my old roommate truly believes that context is key and I have latched onto that philosophy with a vengeance): For two years I lived in a 4th-floor apartment with a roommate and her three cats. According to the slightly crazy lady on the 3rd floor our building was infested with mice. Jenn and I attributed the fact that we had never seen a mouse to the fact that A) Jenn has three cats, and B) the lady on the 3rd floor is slightly crazy.

In July I moved to a new apartment with no central air and cooled my room using a window AC and my big box fan, which had spent most of the prior two years lying on its side under my roommate's futon. One morning in September I was getting ready for school, when I happened to glance at my fan and noticed a dried-up leaf was stuck inside the bottom of the fan. As I went in for a closer look I realized that the "stem" was actually a TAIL and the leaf was furry.

Flashback to crazy lady on the 3rd floor and I realized that mouse had probably been in there for at least 3 months. Eeek!

Under my disgust was the thought "Poor mousey!" but then I'm a little off-kilter myself.

What to do, what to do? Yes, practicality says suck it up, pull the fan apart, and dump out the mouse. Not appealing. I called my mom. Her suggestion was to trash my fan and go to the Home Depot and buy a new fan, which happened to be on sale just then because she and my dad had just bought one. I love my mom.

However, on my starving student budget I couldn't quite justify that. Then I realized my roommate Angie is a biologist. I asked her sheepishly if she would get the mouse out and she agreed. Hooray!

So she took care of it and then I got out the Lysol cleaner and started disinfecting the fan. it was then that I noticed on the inside top of the fan was this layer of grime. Weird. I started scrubbing away and then looked at the paper towel. Fur! Ack! Apparently (grodiness really starts now) one of the fan blades had taken off the top of the mouse and thwacked it on the top. I mentioned that to Angie and she said, "Yeah, when I took the mouse out it looked like part of it was missing."

Ew ew ew.

And that's the mouse story. It was traumatic.

Should Be Writing A Paper

But I wrote 12 pages of it Saturday and somehow that translates to "never have to work on it again tra la la la la."

I've been sitting here at school checking my email, etc for the past hour and now I have an hour and a half until I have to go meet with one of the deans to see if I can get out of my professional Responsibility class next semester seeing as how I took the MPRE already and did professionally responsible stuff in my internship. We shall see what she has to say.

I love this time of year and am sad I can't decorate this year. No time. Ah, you say, but you have time to check email and procrastinate writing. Yes, but that's different. Mostly because I'm at school and can justify an hour here or there goofing off, whereas decorating is a big production. I usually decorate over Thanksgiving, but I was in Ohio this year visiting with a couple of old roommates. So I will have to be content with listening to Christmas music ad nauseum and my roommate's poinsettia in the middle of the dining room table.

I got my mom the *BEST* Christmas present the other day and I am so happy. I was doing a little happy dance all the way home. I hope she loves it as much as I think she will. Now I'm trying to figure out what special something to get my dad.

How do I get the cute guys on the T to talk to me? That's my question of the day. I'm trying to get better about glancing quickly away whenever we make eye contact, and actually smiling. I usually get a smile in return, so what am I afraid of? I realize my "can't let him know that I like him" attititude is very 5th grade, but I can't seem to shake it sometimes. What's wrong if a guy knows I think he's cute? At the bare minimum, it will give him a little ego boost for the day, right?

Alright, going to make an attempt at the paper. Orrrrr, I'm going to have another Peppermint Patty. Decisions, decisions....

MPRE

I took the MPRE today. That's the professional responsibility exam that all future lawyers have to take. In Massachusetts you have to take the exam and pass it before taking the Bar exam. So it's kind of important. I totally feel like I failed. I don't really know what more I could have done, short of memorizing the 150 page outline they gave us (and yes, I realize there are probably some psycho people who do that, but I am just not one of them). I studied so much and I still feel like there were too many answers I was unsure about. Well, one of my friends feels like she did poorly too so since they grade on a curve maybe I have a shot.

So I've determined what's wrong with online dating. Here's my theory. In real life, you meet someone and usually there's some sort of spark, right? Then you get to know each other and find out if you have things in common, if you want the same things, if you're intellectually, mentally and emotionally suited. OR you're friends first and romance blossoms. But there's usually some underlying sexual tension all along - at least that's been my experience. When you're online dating, it's like checking out someone's resume. They look great on paper! Wow, you like the same TV shows, you're both educated and want the same things, etc. Then you meet - no spark. Sigh, back to the drawing board. The whole set up is backwards, really. This is my reason why it's not working for me - not that I'm a loser.

Kelly