Taking a poll. So I thought I was going to wear my Nana's opal necklace on my wedding day, however, I wore it to church last week and realized the pendant kind of swings around a bit and I would probably need to be resettling it properly on my chest periodically and I'm going to be wearing way too much clothing* to be worrying about that too.
So here's the thing. I have a lovely strand of pearls that my parents gave me when I graduated from law school. They are slightly off-white (as pearls are), but my dress is white white. Too clashing?
I bought these yesterday: I tried them on and was shocked that they didn't make my feet look like giant white boats like every other white shoe I have tried. They're actually pretty cute and the shoe store owner had the brilliant idea of dyeing them black or something after the wedding so that I could wear them because honestly, when am I ever going to wear white shoes again.
I tried on my dress with my shoes and my veil yesterday and, holy cow, I look like a bride!
* One of my panicky thoughts last night as I lay in bed running through my list of what's left to do was, "What happens if I have to pee?!" Seriously. I have no answer.
I’m going to ask for a little intercessory prayer to the weather gods on my behalf.
The whole idea behind getting married in October was so that my family could all revel in the charming Autumn in New England scene. However, the leaves have started to change and while I find myself oohing and aahing over some particularly lovely bright red explosions of color, it is TOO EARLY. I want foliage in the pictures! Slow it down, New England!
October can be kind of fickle weather-wise and just Sunday I heard of a wedding in October a couple of years ago where it just poured. Eeek! No rain on October 20th! It can be cloudy all it wants. In fact, cloudy would be great for picture time since then we wouldn’t be all squinty and have weird shadow patterns on us. But, please, no rain!
You know what's awesome? Friends, that's what. Or, maybe it's that's who. My Masters in English is serving me well, apparently.
Anyway, ever since we started planning the wedding, friends have been generously offering to help in any way they can, even saying two or three times that if we need them, they're ready and willing. I feel so loved and supported. Since I am trying to keep this as simple as possible (and on the small side) there hasn't been too much we've needed help with yet. But it's wonderful to know that our friends want to be there for us.
* And now you have that song going through your head for the rest of the day. You're welcome.
1) Finished buying everything for my centerpieces.
2) Decided that we will be doing the flowers ourselves, even though I may regret it the night before the wedding, but I know I can count on at least 3 good friends helping out, one of whom I just found out today used to work in a nursery making corsages and boutonnières. Score!
3) Bought gifts for 3 babies because, oh my gosh, everyone is popping out the babies lately. There are still 2 that I need to buy presents for. Sure, I enjoy trotting around the baby department at Target, but I just have to say there are a LOT of babies in my life lately.
I still need to:
1) Order a cake. I have to go into the bakery at 8 AM on a Saturday morning because I need to get in there before the crowds descend, and seeing as how it's a super popular bakery in the North End, the crowds, they do descend. I was going to do it a couple of weeks ago, but wow, do I need to get up early to make it to the North End by 8 AM. On a Saturday.
2) Get my dress altered. It's official that the dress will need to be let out. My amazing adventures in weight loss hit a snag in about June when I started working real jobs and Jason got in an accident and I bought a new car and I started spending more time down in Providence and the wedding planning kind of took over my spare time and thoughts processes. So I believe I've gained back a few pounds. Boo! However, I gave Jason a reality check a couple of weeks ago when I made him stand on my scale and I have a feeling that once the wedding is done and I am moved and we're living in the same place and not doing this driving an hour to see each other thing and I am doing the shopping and the cooking, we can get the weights under control.
3) Buy a guest book. Why are all guest books tacky tacky tacky? I can put together a classy and simple wedding, but heaven forbid someone make a classy and simple guest book. They are usually padded with lots of bows and glitz and sometimes feathers.
Jason and I spent Saturday night printing out invitations and they look great, if I do say so myself. The invitation itself has a pretty gold leaf at the top, to go with the whole Autumn in New England feeling of the wedding, and Jason put a watermark of the church we're getting married in behind the print. However, due to some issues with the envelope printing that were partly my fault and partly Word's fault, we only got half of them printed. So if there are any family members who hear about, say, the Escos or the Blooms getting their invitations, while say, the Szabos did not, rest assured that you will. This weekend we only made it through the R's.
This whole time I have been planning on doing my own flowers for the wedding. It was going to be very simple, which has been my mantra throughout this entire planning process. Simple. Simple. Simple. Maybe a couple of bouquets in the sanctuary, but nothing major, bouquets for me and my three ladies, boutonnieres for Jason and his guys, 3 corsages and 5 more boutonnieres. I also planned to use flowers in the centerpieces, however this weekend I came up with a design that is simple and incorporates candles (which I wanted) and, in fact, does not involve flowers.
So now after totaling all of this up, I'm thinking maybe I should just suck it up and go to a florist since I don't know if buying 100 wholesale flowers is really necessary. The thing is, all of my flowers are roses and I bet the florist will charge a ton for roses. I can get 100 roses and filler for $150 from the wholesaler. It's called Wedding in A Box, and I think it's brilliant.
But then you have to factor in wire and ribbon and the labor time. But then I could also distribue the excess roses amongst my friends, which is kind of fun. Thoughts?
On Saturday I drove out to Burlington, MA to what I thought was a flower wholesaler. I guess technically he was, but not a very useful one.
Basically I walked up to the store, where a burly man was talking on a cordless phone. I went to pull open the door and he said, "Hold on. What do you need, hon?"
I said I wanted to talk about wedding flowers.
He asked, "When's your wedding?"
I said "October"
He guffawed and said, "I don't know from one day to another what I'm going to have in stock. I jsut get overflow from folks."
I said, "Ok, well I want particular flowers so I guess this won't work."
Then he said, "Yeah, you can go to one of those other guys to get 'what you want'*, but they'll charge you an arm and a leg."
"Well...yes...maybe so. But I kind of need to know what flowers I'm going to have for my wedding."
He shrugged as if to say, "suit yourself" said thanks for stopping by, and went back to his phone conversation.
So that was kind of a pointless drive, except for then I went to Michael's and made up my centerpieces. I also discovered a new route to Burlington that bypasses the highway and winds through these really pretty, woodsy neighborhoods. Nice.
*This was said with a sneer in his voice. Like I was being absolutely ridiculous wanting particular flowers and in particular colors for my wedding.
One of the things I do not like about having two lawyer jobs is that I have two separate sets of piles of papers. Maybe one of my sets would just be doubled if I worked one of these jobs full-time, but I'm not so sure.
My little cubicle at the health care company is getting overrun with papers from various projects I have worked on, I am working on, or I will be working on when the stuff I am working on is done and assuming that other items haven't come up in the meantime to supplant them. I have done my best to organize by topic and into different colored folders, but the papers are taking over. It's even migrating to my house because I usually take a couple of those colored folders home with me, ostensibly to work on, though that hasn't really been happening much lately because of the wedding planning and the qoing away parties for friends* and Jason's family visiting, etc.
At the firm I have more space because I have my own office, but even though I haven't been there nearly as long as at the health care company, I already have a formidable set of papers since I got thrown into two huge projects almost immediately. Earlier this week when I had a slow moment, I went through the piles and organized and labeled them, but since then, more stuff has come in and now the piles are migrating to the floor.
Plus not only do I have 2 different sets of piles to keep track of physically, but I also have to keep track of them in my head. I can be right on top of things at one job, but then the next day I'm at the other job and every time I'm asked a question, I have to crawl back into the recesses of my mind where I stored that information two days before and I'm just hoping that doesn't make me appear completely scatterbrained. It's there, it's just not at the forefront of my brain right now.
* Everyone is leaving! Tonight I have a going away dinner for one of my roommates, and tomorrow I have a going away party for three other friends.
Today is a big day. For one, it’s Jason’s and my two year anniversary! Happy anniversary to us.
For two, it’s exactly two months until our wedding.* And it is starting to feel very real, at least for me. Something clicked in my brain this weekend. Probably because Jason’s parents are in town and I feel like now that Jason and I are getting married, I’m getting accepted and welcomed as a future family member. On Saturday there were some impromptu family pictures and Sarah’s brother-in-law posed us by saying, “Okay, the wives stand behind the bench…” and I thought, oh yeah, I’m going to be one of the wives.
I also found myself eyeing my friends’ babies** and thinking about how that could be us in a few years. I mean seriously thinking about it. I’ve always wanted kids in this abstract sense, but to actually look at the babies and think, ‘we could do that,’ was sort of a new step for me. I think it helps that Jason is completely adorable with Sarah’s 5-month old nephew, although he did tell me that if our babies aren't as awesome as Sarah's nephew, we may have to send them back. I suppose mulling over these big life events and feeling like they are actually possible is what this whole starting a new life and a new family thing is all about.
* For those of you keeping track, no we didn’t get the invitations out today. Jason promised me we’ll get them out sometime this week.
** Seriously, almost everyone we know is having a baby right now.
In case you were wondering, I am the losiest loser that ever was. Jason and I planned to watch the Perseids last night. Since he lives right near the Brown University observatory, which has a nice big lawn in front of it, we trekked out there with a picnic blanket and lay down, fully prepared to be awed by the vastness of space.
Instead, I fell asleep. For the life of me, I could not keep my eyelids from drooping down. We went out kind of early, so at the beginning it wasn't that big a deal. I think Jason saw 3 or 4 during that first hour. But then things really picked up and I would lay there, willing my eyes open, and just when I gave in to the crushing force of my eyelids and gravity, Jason would go, "Whoa!" or "Wow!" or "Did you see that one?"
No, no I didn't see that one. Because I'm a loser who can't manage to stay awake past 12 despite being a self-proclaimed night owl. Stupid regular day job with stupid regular hours has killed my ability to rock the house* until 4 AM.
So I saw about 3 meteors last night. I was so excited to go out and watch them too. Sigh.
PS I have no idea who the guy in the picture is, but I liked his Loser L.
Saturday my roommates held a bridal shower for me which was so fun. Really hot and sweaty, but so fun. We had the AC on in the living room all day leading up to the shower, but it just couldn't compete with 20+ women in one room and the 90+ degrees outside. I felt so loved as we all sat and sweated together. My roommates and I have been dining off of the leftovers of chocolate fountain chocolate, pretzels, fruit, brie, hummus and ice cream ever since.
We got some items off of our registries, plus some scandalous items that embarrassed me more than I ever thought they would. I am pretty up front when it comes to, um, honeymoon items, and my roommates know this, so I think I shocked them by turning bright red and giggling like a 12 year-old boy when I opened up three boxes from them containing 3 pretty negligees. Not to mention the sensual massage book and massage nectar from another friend.*
Everything made me so happy. The flower-shaped appetizer tray, the lime squeezer and avocado slicer, the pitcher with the school of fish etched on it, the good knives and ALL the towels and the bath mat I registered for. It kind of makes me feel like a grown up, knowing that we will be somewhat coordinated. I'm excited about the prospect of living in a space that feels more like a home and less like an interim stopping point. We'll see how it goes considering I'm moving into Jason's bachelor pad.
***
On a side note - or maybe it's right on topic. Whatever - I'm getting tired of wedding planning. I don't know how those people who are engaged for 1 year or more do it. Because, okay, sure, I want to be the pretty, pretty princess for a day. And yes, it's fun to think about getting presents and setting up house and having loved ones around to cheer us on. But it's just all the planning and arranging and thinking about things that's wearing me out. And I've only been doing this for two months. My momentum is kind of waning and I still need a cake and flowers and to get all creative with centerpieces. Actually, I saw some centerpieces on a photographer's site that I might steal so I don't have to be all that creative. And we have to do invitations. By August 20th, so say the etiquette books. Have we started? Um...no.
I'm just kind of tired of thinking about it. Maybe I'm not as much of a girlie girl as I thought I was.
Not to mention, now that we know we're getting married, I kind of miss Jason on the evenings when we're not together. I mean, I like my alone time, but it feels like now that the decision has been made, we should be together. We know we're getting married, so why don't we just go do that then? Instead there's this whole "engaged" period. It's hard to explain, but the whole waiting period after we've decided what we want to do just seems kind of silly.
* Any bets on how many seedy hits the blog will get now that I've typed the words sensual massage?
Well, it's been a week and after discussing the situation at length, Jason and I have decided to have our wedding as planned in October. We will hopefully be able to visit my parents and spend time with them at Thanksgiving. There are several reasons we have decided this. One of them is that by focusing solely on my mom, we may end up excluding other family and friends who are also important to us. Also, based on what my dad has told me, it sounds like even if we tried to do something in Chicago, my mom may still not be able to sit for any length of time or enjoy herself. There are other considerations as well, and this is what's best for us right now as we start our new life together.
I do like the suggestion a couple of you had to videoconference/webconference them in. I have no idea if that would be possible from the church, but it's something to look into. At the very least, we will videotape the event.
In the end, I know there's really no way to make everyone happy with our decision, but we think this is best for us in this situation. We aren't getting married in the temple right now, so my hope is that my parents will be able to come to our sealing when that happens.
I am glad that I could get out some of the rolling, spinning thoughts that were rattling around in my brain last weekend.
My parents will not be at my wedding. My mom is too sick and my dad can’t leave her – not that I would want him to leave her all alone to sit and be sad, knowing that she was missing the wedding.
There are many things wrong with my mom, all of them degenerative so they’re not getting any better. She turned 51 yesterday and she is completely disabled. The main problem right now is the arthritis that has basically destroyed all of the cartilage in all of her joints. When I have talked to her recently she has told me how she can’t move her arms anymore.
Earlier on in this wedding planning process she talked about getting one of her shoulders operated on, having a couple of months to recuperate, and then coming to the wedding. As far as I knew, while my mom and I discussed the plans, they were planning on coming. However, the surgery has been postponed a couple of times and after meeting with her doctor last week, they determined that she would not be able to travel in October.
So basically I’m still planning and still trying to feel excited for the sake of my amazing roommates who are throwing a shower for me this weekend and for the sake of the rest of our family and friends who are so excited for us. But my excitement is tempered with a deep sadness. My dad won’t walk me down the aisle, my parents won’t be in the pictures, all of those standard wedding things won’t be what I thought they were going to be. We have put down nonrefundable deposits and other people have bought nonrefundable tickets. I talked with Jason last night about calling things off. I mean, still getting married, but not doing the whole big thing. Right now at 12:47 AM that feels like it might be an option again.
But today I was trying to think of ways to make things a little better somehow for them, even though I know it really won’t be. Ways like getting everything on video.
And really it’s not even the wedding that is the worst part of all of this. It’s that my mom is so very sick. I know she would be here if there was any possible way. I am their only child. Yesterday I broke down to Jason and one of my roommates. I thought I could talk about it, but while I was explaining my parents' situation and why they couldn't come I just started sobbing. It makes me feel so completely helpless to think about what is going on with them. I have watched this happening for, well, for my whole life really, and sometimes the sadness and the frustration overwhelm me.
I have felt it all day. My body feels like one giant clenched muscle and I am weary.
Brandon and his lovely assistant Sarah took some pictures of me and Jason on Sunday. We got some nice ones, but here for your viewing pleasure are some of the not no nice ones:
Right off the bat there was some bad lighting going on. As you can see, we were not pleased. Looking adoringly at that man of mine. Waiting for our close up. We were trying to look like we were having fun. Maybe if we look pretty no one will notice the headstones behind us... Kissy poo Jason's standard reaction to kissing me while I'm wearing lipstick Sassy! Since Brandon took over 400 pictures in an hour or so, there are points where you could make a virtual flipbook of the action.
What should we do next? I don't know, what do you think? How about smug and haughty? Can we pull off smug and haughty? I think we succeeded.
Trying not to laugh. Honestly, we did have a lot of fun Like I said, there were several really nice shots. We look so photogenic, like a magazine shoot as my MOH Jenn said, but honestly I think if you take 400+ pictures of anyone, there are bound to be a few good ones. Kudos to Brandon for his patience and for taking some really nice pictures.
We're on a tight budget for this wedding. I have been doing my best to bargain hunt, sending out scores of emails and checking out hundreds of websites for reception venues, caterers, photographers, cakes, bridesmaid dresses, etc. I have enlisted the assistance of my mom in the quest to have a relatively inexpensive wedding, while still trying to pull together something classy. Most of the vendors have been very nice when I've politiely informed them that their particular service doesn't fit into our budget. However, there have been a couple of rude people, that kind of make me want to tell everyone their names so no one who I know or who reads this blog will use them. Even though I'm strapped for cash, that's no reason to be rude to me.
Rule Number 1: Generally, if the reception venue/caterer doesn't list their prices, that means I can't afford it.
So about a month ago I called this one venue that actually seemed to have decent prices online. I got on the phone with on of the venue's wedding coordinator. We discussed the packages and it became clear that I could not afford them. She asked me what my budget was and then gave a snort and told me that I was crazy if I thought I could have a reception for under $10,000.
She was wrong. And a snot. And if you're planning a wedding in Boston I will tell you who it was.
Rule Number 2: Surprisingly, even if a photographer doesn't list their prices, they might be affordable.
The photographers have generally been very nice. However, the other day I shot off a form email to a photographer asking for her wedding rates and I mentioned my budget for photography just to put it out there so we would both know if we were even in the same ballpark. This is the response I got back:
Thank you for inquiring about our wedding photography. Unfortunetly we are unavailale on that date. Our wedding photography priceing starts at $3000.00. I wouldn't know where to direct you in relation to your budget. Keep in mind, that the photography is all you will have left after the wedding. Everything else is just for the moment. You should porbably give your priorities anohter thought.
Um, I think my priorities are fine, thank you. They include not going into massive debt for what is basically a one-day party. I have found several photographers with packages starting at half the price of yours and whose websites are just as pretty as yours. I also think that you should invest in a spell checker for your email program. Or at least proofread.
I have my own Rule Number 1 for photographers: GET A WEBSITE. Seriously. It's 2007. No really, it is. The brides of today will be surfing the internet looking for their vendors and you are missing out because I guarantee the majority of my generation has an aversion to making phone calls and listening to sales pitches over and over and over again.
Well, I think all the people we know in real life who might be offended if they found out this way know, so now we can tell everyone.
Jason and I are getting married!
In October. I love October! It's the perfect Autumn in New England month and I'm hoping for nice weather because Autumn in New England can also be really rainy and blah. The wedding is 10 days after my birthday, 2 days after my parents' anniversary, 6 days after my uncle's birthday and 1 day after my late Nana's birthday. All reasons why October has always been my favorite month, even when I didn't live in New England. Not to mention the apples and the pumpkins and foods tinged with nutmeg and cinnamon and cloves.
The plans have been in progress since around Memorial Day. I have a dress, we know where we're having the ceremony and reception, we're pretty sure which caterer we're going with*, I found a flower wholesaler, I have 1 maid of honor and 1 bridesmaid so far, family and friends are coming from far and wide.
We need a cake and a photographer. On the cheap. Any recommendations in the Boston area?
*Had a tasting last week. The food was great and the caterer is really nice and pulled together her own wedding on a strict budget five years ago. She has lots of ideas for me.
I have a casual black jacket from H&M that I keep at work because it is always, ALWAYS freezing at work. I can drink tea all day long, but I will still be frozen by mid morning.
As I was putting on the jacket today, I wondered what sort of disproportionate freakshow this jacket was actually made for.
First of all, I have the sleeves rolled up about 3 inches because the jacket was made for a woman with very long arms. Even with the sleeves rolled up, I can still pull the sleeves down enough to tuck my fingers inside when they’re especially cold. The actual sleeves are a little baggy now that I’ve lost weight, even though my upper arms are still not what you would call “small”. Laps and laps of freestyle have not helped as my triceps, while toned, are also formidable.
Now here’s the thing. It is made from a heavy knit fabric, but it’s shaped like a blazer so there is a collar and buttons up the front. I can’t button the buttons. Actually, I can button them over my chest (which isn’t teeny, even though it’s not what it once was), but then I struggle to get the button to close around my waist. The finished product has the button straining at the waist, while the fabric over my chest is a little loose.
So apparently this jacket was made for a woman with large, sturdy monkey arms, a 38DD rack and a 20 inch waist. Of course.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Road Rage Repository
To the big mother Buick that didn't signal that he was turning right as I was trying to merge into oncoming traffic: "Thanks for the signal, Buddy!"
To the woman who decided she just had to make that light and then got stuck right in front of me, looking all nonchalant: "Don't block the box!"
To the woman who honked AND yelled at me with wild arm gestures as she practically merged into me: "Yeah, I've been following this truck for 2 miles and you had a Yield sign back there. B***h." I really wanted to roll down my window for that one.
Last night Jason, Brandon and I had a slumber party at Jason's apartment. Brandon came because he needed to retrieve his car, which he had loaned to Jason when Jason's car got all smashed up, and I came because Jason's my boyfriend and I do that sometimes.*
So this morning I woke up before anyone else and spent some time reading a HILARIOUS book that some friends of Jason gave him as a gag gift several years ago. After an hour or so, I decided it was time for Jason to wake up and entertain me so I moseyed into his room, snuggled up next to him, and promptly fell back to sleep.
I woke up a little while later, screaming. Scared the crap out of Jason and apparently Brandon and Tiny in the next room.
I was having a dream, see. In the dream it was my first day working a new job with a bunch of other people. Outside of the room where we were all sitting, was a little food store.** After awhile, I went over to the cashier and asked him where the bathroom was. He said, all smiles, "Oh, I'll show you, little missy," or something to that effect.
Then he took me on this roundabout route through the next couple of rooms, and just as I realized it was getting darker and more remote and started feeling a little worried, he turned on me and cornered me and starting trying to kiss me. I fought him and kept trying as hard as I could to yell or scream because everyone else was just a couple of rooms away, but I couldn't get any sound out. I kept trying and trying and finally I summoned all my breath and strength and let out a blood-curdling scream.
Which woke everyone up.
I was so embarrassed and couldn't stop laughing at myself.
I'm kind of a vivid dreamer. I've only ever screamed myself awake once before. At least I don't sleepwalk anymore.
* You know, in the good Mormon girl sense. ** This has nothing to do with the rest of the dream, but there were signs all over the shelves saying things like, "Silent concession stand", "No talking", "If you talk you will be asked to leave." Weird.
My blog is turning into a car blog. Starting Anew: the blog for your compact car enthusiast.
So I bought a new car today. Eeeee!
I've never bought a brand spanking new car before, but I think I did it the best way possible. I emailed dealers ahead of time, got price quotes, and went from here. No big haggling session. My salesman was a nice guy and I feel like I got a pretty good deal.
Ooooooo
Aaaaaaaah And here it is next to Bunny, who I traded in. Bunny was a good car for awhile and then she started breaking a lot. Right now she needs new brakes and tires, there's a leak in the brake fluid line, and I think I need to replace a CV boot. Given that I just put $1500 into her last fall, I thought it was time to move on.
I get to pick the new car up in a few days after the insurance and registration is all set up and after they install the sunroof.
Here's Jason giving the world a thumbs up in front of the back of his smashed-up car:
Here's the front of Jason's smashed-up car:
Here's me holding the side mirror that I found on the side of the road that was ripped off of Jason's smashed-up car:
Jason had a bit of a car accident on Wednesday night.
I have learned two things: 1) I am definitely going with the Hyundai Elantra seeing as how the car rolled and all Jason wound up with were about a million scratches from all of the shattered glass and a sore shoulder from where the car roof hit him when it caved in, and 2) ALWAYS wear your seatbelt. This story would not be as happy had Jason not had his seatbelt on.
So now that I have two real jobs and not one day a week of real work and 4 days a week of mindlessness, I have to actually use my brain every day.
I know. It's rough.
I am amazed how after my short three day week wherein I actually did some constructive thinking all day long (and wrote words like wherein and whereas and therefore), I am beat. I think it may take me a little bit of time to remember how to use my brain for long stretches of time on endeavors not related to blog and message board reading.
One side effect of all this, you know, work is that I am woefully behind on my blog and message board reading. After staring at a computer all day, doing Westlaw searches and trying to figure out how my new boss wants me to word something in a contract, the last thing I want to do when I get home is turn on my computer. I'm sure eventually I'll figure out some sort of work/life/blog balance, but until then, I'll just have to play catch-up at random times, like Friday nights when Jason is in Providence and I'm in Cambridge with nothing to do except sit on my couch in my pj's, especially since there's no new TV to watch anymore. Oh sure, I could be doing something constructive like reading, but, I'm not.
Sorry for dropping off the face of the earth, but this has been an eventful couple of weeks. Basically, my news is, I got a job! (qualified with the words "part-time" and "temporary" - for now). On the recommendation of another health care attorney I sent my resume to a small firm who just happened to be thinking about hiring an associate to coincide with their merger with another small firm and an increased emphasis on health care law. I met with the health care partner 2 weeks ago, met with him and the two other health care partners 1 week ago, got an offer the next day and am starting tomorrow.
Can you say whirlwind?
Since I am an untested brand new associate and their needs are not huge right now, I will be working there 3-4 days a week for about 3 months. After that time we'll all assess where we are and the hope is that I will transition to a permanent position. I think they really liked me in the interviews, they just want to make sure they can work with me and that I'm a quick study.
In the meantime, I will also keep working 1-2 days a week at a health care company, which I've been doing since December. All of the attorneys involved have been so nice and accommodating. The situation is obviously not my ideal dream job, but it's a great stepping stone and will finally give me some experience as a real-life lawyer.
The best part? Announcing to the temp agency that Thursday was my last day doing document review. That's right. After a little more than a year of that soul sucking work, I was able to quit.
I sent out an email to the 20 or so other contract attorneys telling them all I was leaving and as soon as it popped up in everyone's Outlook, they all started clapping for me. So nice! Everyone came by my desk to ask about the job and wish me well. Sometimes being a contract attorney breeds discontentment and spitefulness, but other times you build up a camaraderie with the group and everyone just wants the best for everyone else. "The best" obviously meaning leaving contract work far behind.
So tomorrow's the first day and I'm excited. I ran around and did some errands today, followed by a luxurious massage to work out the last of the document review kinks. Wish me luck!
How do we find that balance? That balance that doesn't really exist?
I feel the tugs professionally and personally. I am a self-admitted "girlie girl" who likes to dress up sometimes and wear make-up and nail polish and who can be shy and reticent to push her way into a situation. I don't think all of that is socialization. Part of it is just my personality and my personal preference. I am in a profession that wants me to be hardened and tough and push my way into a career. I have a boyfriend who doesn't like feminine trappings.
I'm just gonna put it out there. I'm not really sure how I feel about my church popping up as a banner ad in my Hotmail account. Just now at the top of the page: an ad for Mormon.org. Does that strike anyone else as odd?
I usually don't dig blogs about dreams, but last night there was this weird convergence of my two biggest recurring anxiety-ridden dreams and I'm still thinking about it.
I have two dreams that recur regularly. Dream A involves me realizing I have a final today or tomorrow for a class that I went to on the first day and then never went to again because I forgot about it and I forgot to drop it so now I was going to have a big fat F on my transcript and not graduate in time and look like an idiot. Stress!
Dream B involves me realizing I'm leaving on a big fun trip in, like, an hour, but I am not packed and on my way to the airport, even though I'm one of those people who likes to start packing weeks before the actual trip and generally arrives at the airport 2 hours early.**
I have had both of these dreams MULTIPLE times and I never feel very well rested after a night of stress and panic. And yes, I realize dreams last only a few seconds, but they feel much longer.
So last night I had what felt like HOURS of anxiety as these two dreams converged. Not only was I racing around trying to get ready for a trip with a friend and saying, "Oh my gosh, Cat is going to KILL me!!" as it got later and later and it looked more and more like we were going to miss the flight, but then I realized that I needed to study for my Sociology final for the class I hadn't been to all semester so I threw the book into my luggage and then realized the final was on Monday and I would be on some trip with Cat.
A night of stress! I think I must be really frazzled on the inside to have both of my stress dreams at once.
And then it got weird and the dream went into Spanish. Instead of packing, I was making a tortilla and a Mexican lady came over and asked me how I knew how to make them and I said I grew up in Tucson (because, you know, we ALL make tortillas all day long in Tucson) and she said I was doing a very good job and this entire conversation was in Spanish. Sometimes this happens and I am shocked at how much Spanish my subconscious remembers. Now how do I move that knowledge into my conscious, everyday brain?
*Imagine there's a little squiggly thing over the "n".
* Except for when I had to leave Boston on a 6 AM flight back to DC when Jason and I were doing the long distance thing. We both agreed that 45 minutes was about all I needed to get checked in, get through security and make the flight.
Right now I'm sitting in Jason's living room and there's a music festival happening across the street so all we had to do on this BEAUTIFUL May Saturday is open up his windows and enjoy. So we're both being productive and getting much needed work done while listening to great local music.
Nice.
I always forget how much I like live music. You could pretty much play any old thing and if it's live, I'm going to move my body to the beat and get into it and swear to you later that they were the best band EVER. At this moment, The Biltmores rock.
I got some disappointing job prospect news a couple of days ago and it's really impacting me today. I didn't fully realize how much hope I had hinging on it, how the idea of it was helping me to hold my head up high and feel like there was some sort of career future for me.
This morning I overslept and had a hard time dragging myself out of bed when I finally did wake up. (Cloudy weather again is not helping, Boston).
Yesterday I had a good conversation with someone about how it's not the end of the world. I just need to dust myself off and get right back on that horse. There's always tomorrow. And other such words.
Today, though, I just feel tired and beaten. Two years out of law school, I know realistically that the chances of my getting a good, real job at this point are pretty slim. I wonder why I went to law school? I keep thinking back to the decision-making process that landed me there. It seemed like a good idea. I remember visiting Boston and vividly feeling that coming here for law school was the right thing for me to do and a good step for me to take. Now, two years after graduation, with no prospects and a staggering amount of school debt for this degree that right now feels pretty useless, I regret the decision every single day.
I'm sure in a couple of days I'll be able to get on the ball with sending out more resumes (which is kind of hard when there's just nothing to apply for), but for today I'm down.
I seem to have a hard time keeping in touch with friends. Because of my life thus far I have women who I consider very good friends spread all over the country. The problem is, I never seem to talk to them anymore. If one of them calls me, they get my voice mail because I'm either A) not near my phone or B) near my phone, but busy and can't chat then. If I call one of them, I usually get their voice mail too.
We're all busy, I guess, but sometimes I feel like I don't put enough effort into keeping in touch. Is it okay to have friends who you talk to every 6 months or less, but who you know are still your good friends and the people you would call in an emotional crisis?
Adding to that, I feel alternately part of and not part of the social scene here in Boston. It's difficult when I seem to spend every other weekend with Jason in Providence. And I'm usually trying to get in some hours of work on Saturday too. I feel like I don't get invited to a ton of stuff, but then I'm not really making myself available, am I?
I guess my point is, I love Jason, but I miss being part of The Scene. I also have guilt about not being available enough to my friends in other cities and not calling more often to check in on them. Time just gets away from me. I've been back in Boston for about 7 months. I feel like I just moved back and here I am already wondering where I'm going to be living in 4 months.
I am sick. I finally got that cold that everyone else has had.
I am not a good patient. I spend the whole time feeling annoyed because this is really cutting into my schedule. For instance, I was supposed to go swimming both Monday and Tuesday nights, but instead I lay uselessly on the couch, blowing my nose and occasionally opening my mouth really wide to try and pop my right ear. Currently I am working on willing the cold out of my body with the power of positive thinking. That, and controlled substances.
That's right. I signed the big controlled substances binder at the drugstore today. Why would I buy Sudafed without the sweet, sweet pseudoephedrine?
When Jason came over after his class last night, my roommates apparently directed him to the "quarantine area", aka the living room. Ha ha.
The good news is, I can work from home so that's what I've done the last couple of days. The bad news is, we have a meeting this afternoon so I had to come in. I spent my commute swaying partly from the motion of the train, and partly from my own little lack of equilibrium fun time going on in my head.
Anyway, I'm annoyed because I was on an exercise and weight loss roll and I've been sidelined. I'm also annoyed because my head is stuffy. Bleh.
This afternoon as I was walking back to work through Boston Common, a guy on a bike sped by me. As he passed I realized that despite the rain and the wind and the ickiness that has been Boston weather for the past few weeks, he was singing "Tuesday Afternoon" by the Moody Blues with complete abandon.
Tuuuuuesday Aaaaaafternoon I'm just beginning to see Now I'm on my way
So the program we use at work was down for a couple of days and I basically spent a day and a half surfing the internet. I am pretty much the champion of entertaining myself online, but even that was a bit much for me.
Now the system is working, but then I remembered, oh yeah, the work is boring too.
I think I'm just having a discontented day. My work buddy is on vacation, and I haven't said more than a few words to anyone all day. I'm not being anti-social, it's just the nature of the place. I'm in my own little internet and headphones world like everyone else.
Speaking of which, I'm tired of ALL of my music. Yeah, blah blah, My Sharona, Hips Don't Lie, Don't You Want Me Baby, SexyBack, Here It Goes Again, Fresh Feeling, whatever! I am tired of you all!
Plus, I'm sore. The second day after weights is always the worst and I did weights Wednesday night. Then I swam 100 laps last night. So now I'm just kind of achey in most of my body and I really wish I could have stayed in my comfy bed this morning and every time I stand up my legs argue with me.
Ah, Florida. Beautiful sunny days and warm weather. How I miss you...
We got into town on Saturday and went right out for sushi with my Aunt Luanne, Uncle Phil, cousin Greg and Rosie, Greg's wife.
Sunday, we headed to the beach, but the waves were huge and the purple jellyfish flag was out. Boo, jellyfish! So we went for a drive along A1A in our sassy blue rental car.
Pretty Intracoastal view:
Sassy blue rental car:
Monday, we headed down Miami way to the Monkey Jungle. Jason had been there before and loved it. I have to concede to Jason on this one: monkeys are pretty great.
Java macaque:
The Monkey Jungle guide for the orangutan and gorilla was a little nutty. I think Jason and I were the only ones laughing. I don't know if the other people just weren't paying attention, but she was hilarious. Two of her gems included explaining how the female orangutan had put on some weight since her male companion had died because he used to hit her and keep her away from the food. The guide said: "Unfortunately like some humans, Miss May's man beat her up."
Then she told how a male orangutan mates with the female and hangs around until she gets pregnant. Then he takes off until the baby is born and weaned. The guide said, "Only two types of males do this sort of behavior: orangutans and humans."
I think she had some issues.
Here is a video of the orangutan doing her little 3-minute thing for some goodies:
Watch the gibbons swing. They're awesome.
Here is my good friend, Jordan the howler monkey.
The first time we went into the rainforest habitat, Jordan followed Jason and I around. He walked on the fencing above us and lay down whenever we stopped walking and silently watched us. However, when we came back later and the guide started giving her little talk in the microphone, Jordan let loose with his howling. It's unreal.
Apparently they can be heard several miles away when they really get going.
Afterwards we drove toward the Everglades looking for an airboat ride. Unfortunately we got there too late and didn't get a boat ride, BUT we found an awesome BBQ joint.
With a pig on top.
Tuesday, we made one more effort at the beach. The red flags (meaning Super Caution, or something to that effect) AND the purple jellyfish flag were out. I was kind of bummed since my favorite thing to do at the beach is to snorkle and basically swim as far out as I can. Because I'm a daredevil like that. But when the waves look like this there's usually a wicked undertow accompanying them.
Despite the waves and the jellyfish warning, people were out there swimming so Jason and I took a chance and actually had a great time jumping waves. My suit was full of sand that night, which always signifies a good time in my world.
Jason's sunscreen method:
It wasn't effective. Of course, who am I to talk. My sunscreen was old and I got fried too.
Me and my little babushka
Wednesday, we drove to St. Augustine to stay with my grandma and Dave, her husband. A long drive followed by a buffet with crab legs. Yay! Crab legs!
Thursday, we went down to the old town area and did the tourist thing. St. Augustine was founded by the Spanish in 1565 and is the oldest town in the U.S. See, this blog is all about education.
Gates of Old St. Augustine
The fort
The old buildings are made of a material called coquina. The Spanish couldn't find any rocks to build the fort with, but they did discover fossilized shells under the sand in the island across the inlet. Coquina:
View from the fort:
My aunt and uncle's Presbyterian church: The church was built by Henry Flagler, the local 19th-century robber baron, as was much of the old part of St. Augustine. At least the stuff not built in the 16th century by the Spanish.
Pretty Spanish moss
That night we went with my grandma, Dave, my great-Aunt Daisy and great-Uncle Ted for some good ole fried seafood.* Remember when I mentioned my awesome genes? The two other women in this picture are 70 and 74, although don't tell them I told you that. I think they look pretty darn good.
Friday we headed back down to Boca Raton so we could catch our 6:30 AM flight out of Ft. Lauderdale on Saturday morning. I have a hard time sleeping on planes, so while everyone else was snoozing, I took this picture out my window: Following our 5 hour layover in Newark (it was only supposed to be 3 hours) during which we realized we could have rented a car and driven back to Providence in less time, we finally made it back to New England.
This about sums up how I (and Tiny apparently) felt after the whirlwind trip:
Have you ever noticed how you really do need a vacation after your vacation?
*This trip I fully realized how much my family outings have always centered around food. I didn't even mention the Friday night free-for-all at Maggiano's thanks to some gift certificates my aunt had received. Probably something to mention to my shrink. Well, whatever, it all tasted good.
So I made my cranberry glazed ham. And it was, you know, fine. But no one at the dinner besides Jason and my roommate Chrissy knew the whole story.
I found a recipe last week on the Food Network website and was doing a little happy dance because it sounded kind of complicated and really yummy and if there's one thing I like when I'm making something for a bunch of people it's a bit of a challenge with tasty results. There was simmering in juices and studding with cloves and prepping the glaze and all sorts of things to do.
Basically the recipe went like this: Boil ham in water for 30 minutes to get rid of excess salt. That sounds like a good step because upon doing a little invstigation I've determined that your average ounce of ham has something like 1500 mg of sodium. I've become a little sodium conscious lately and am trying to stay below 2300 mg a day.*
Then you simmer the ham in 128 ounces of apple and cranberry juices with two halved onions and some allspice. Yum, right?
Then you mix up the cranberry/honey/cinnamon glaze, stud your ham with whole cloves and pour the glaze over the ham. Follow this with baking the ham for 15 minutes and voila!
Saturday I decided to get the simmering out of the way, which the recipe allowed. I simmered for the recommended 3 hours, then let the ham cool in the pot of juices like the recipe said while I went to an Easter Vigil service that Jason was singing at. Before I left, I looked into the pot and wondered if it didn't look like the ham had fallen off the bone in a not-to-conducive-to-glazing-and-baking way. But no time now! Off to church.
When I got back, I drained the ham and then reached in to pull it out and place it in the baking dish. Only, when I pulled up, I felt pieces of ham falling down around my hands and realized there was no way the ham was coming up in one piece. I called Jason into the kitchen to help me. He pulled out most of the ham and put it in the dish, followed by a couple of handfuls of ham bits left at the bottom of the pot.
I stood there, my mouth agape, staring at the baking dish full of something that looked sort of like chipped beef. Not only had the ham pulled away from the bone, but it had completely dehydrated during the simmering process and gone from full succulent slices to little dry bits. This was NOT what the recipe said would happen. I think I cried out something to the effect of, "Oh no! It's ruined!"
Jason said he didn't see what the problem was and finally left the room in exasperation as I kept saying things like, "Are you crazy?! Of course it's ruined! There's no way I can glaze a pile of ham bits! You're wrong! Stop talking!"
Or something like that.
I called a couple of grocery stores and discovered that they were going to be open on Easter, so first thing Sunday morning I headed out. Four stores later, I found one single solitary ham. I know I paid too much for it, but it was seriously the Last Ham in Cambridge.
I came home and shoved it in the oven to bake according to the directions on the ham package. On the way to the friend's house who was hosting, I got in a couple of layers of clove studs. I glazed and baked once we got there.
And it was yummy. However, I have a bone to pick with the Food Network.
*Plus I found out yesterday that my blood pressure is a bit on the high side. What?! I'm kind of shocked since I used to have low blood pressure. Sigh. I'm telling you, I turn 30 and my body completely falls apart.
So here's the sitch. I have vacation pictures and a travelogue to narrate, but I'm busy. I made the dumb mistake of telling the partner at the firm that I would have a draft of my awful memo to her by the end of the week. When I'm at home lately the last thing I want to do is get on the computer so I haven't posted. But I will. I promise.
I'm making cranberry-glazed ham for Easter. Doesn't that sound decadent?
Jason and I are going on vacation on Saturday and I cannot focus today. Tomorrow I'm going to be doing real work and will be more on the ball. Today I'm sort of taking notes and searching documents for my memo, but I'm also reading emails and message boards and making tentative plans in my head and imagining myself laying on the beach, which is MUCH more fun.
I was hoping to have the memo done before I left, but that's really not going to happen. I finished what I thought was going to be the main portion, but as I've started researching the other aspects of the case, I've realized that the rest of it is probably going to be just as substantial. There's no deadline, but to show the attorneys that I haven't been completely wasting my days away, I'm going to send them my 18-page draft with an email explaining what all I still plan to do.
Have I told you about this memo? Most of the other people doing memos have very discreet topics, but my topic covers the entire accounting policy department in the company. Which is basically everything the case is about. We have several research documents we've been using for reference, and I kind of just want my memo to say See _________ Reports. The end.
But, no, they actually want me to write. I have a feeling it will probably wind up being at least 40 pages, whereas everyone else's have ranged from 12-23 pages.
So anyway, back to the beach.
We're heading South to stay with some of my family for a week and wile away our days on the beach and do touristy stuff in the sun. I'm so excited and not feeling the whole work thing today.
Plus, has anyone else noticed how interminable March can be? I'm ok with February - it's supposed to still be cold. But March does this taunting thing where it's 65 one day and three days later there's a nor'easter and a foot of snow on the ground. How is that fair? I have been consistently underdressed for the past few days, stubbornly willing the temperature to be higher and the wind to blow less.
On the plus side, I'm treating myself to a manicure and pedicure this afternoon so I can wear my sandals proudly.
And on the doubleplus side, I lost 4.1 inches this week. How is that even possible?
I swam 80 laps last night doped up on a couple of Advil.* While my elbow was doing a little bit of a popping thing (which it's done before. Probably a precursor to its recent shenanigans), there was no pain.
I bought this nifty ice pack yesterday that just fits the contours of my elbow region and straps on with velcro. After my swim and shower, my arm was a little stiff so I iced it. I feel like an athlete with my sports injury. Hardcore. That's me.
Taking a break from the pool tonight, but I'l be back tomorrow. Awwww, yeah.
*Based on my personal prior consumption of Advil, I'm going to wager that if there was any major pain, 400 mg of Advil would not have cut it that much.
Have you ever wondered if your life was a movie what the soundtrack would be like?
This is officially my new favorite game. Some of the songs are eerily appropriate, while Bodyrock by Moby for a funeral - probably not so much. Although I have always liked the idea of the New Orleans funeral with the jazz band playing some fun music, 'cause, you know, let's celebrate the person, and really funerals can be kind of fun as you get to see family you haven't seen in ages. Maybe Moby is the modern equivalent of that.
Or, if you want to be macabre: "We rock the body, rock the body."
I think it's safe to say that I like the Pixies.
Here's how it works: 1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc) 2. Put it on shuffle 3. Press play 4. For every question, type the song that's playing 5. When you go to a new question, press the next button 6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool.
Opening credits: Allison - Pixies (that gets my soundtrack off to a rockin' start)
Waking up: True Faith - New Order (meh)
First Day at School: Material Girl - Madonna (hee hee)
Falling in love: The Look - Roxette (And I go "La la la la la" She's got the look!)
Fight Song: Have You Got It In You - Imogen Heap
Breaking Up: Heart of Stone - Erasure (wow, it's like they know my ex)
Prom: Happy Jack - The Who
Life's OK: Daylight Robbery - Imogen Heap
Mental Breakdown: Overkill - Colin Hay (so true)
Driving: River Euphrates - Pixies (when I first learned to drive, the Pixies were in constant rotation)
Inner Smile: Blister in the Sun - Violent Femmes (totally)
Flashback: Just A Little While - Janet Jackson (apparently it's a dirty flashback...)
Getting Back Together: Fighting for My Love - Nil Lara (I swear I am not making this up)
Wedding: Blue Orchid - The White Stripes
Birth of a Child: Gigantic - Pixies (... hahahahahaha)
Final Battle: Sky Fits Heaven - Madonna (I think my final battle would be more of an inner, personal struggle: Traveling down this road, watching the signs as I go. Think I'll follow the sun. Isn't everyone just traveling down their own road, watching the signs as they go? Think I'll follow my heart. It's a very good place to start)
So, like, there's a blizzard going on outside. And on the one hand I think it's perfectly fair since we haven't really had much of a winter at all and overall I like snow and I can be a trooper.
On the other hand, I'm a little bit in shock since it was 60 just a couple of days ago. I just went out to get lunch, fighting the wind and blowing snow the whole way, and I can attest to the fact that I am not the only shell-shocked Bostonian. I saw many other people, woefully underdressed, walking around with expressions of, "What the...?" I guess they didn't want to believe the weather people either.*
And way to mess up my Friday night plans, weather!
*Well, and who can blame them. The weather people have been really, REALLY wrong all winter long.
I'm double posting on this site and my weight loss blog because I'm hoping maybe someone will have an idea as to what is going on with my arm. Last Wednesday I went swimming, all primed to do my 90 laps, and about 3 laps in, my left arm started really hurting in the muscle right above my elbow. At first it was a stabbing pain starting when my stroke reached my hip and I pulled my arm out of the water to finish the stroke. I had to stop after the 4th lap because it went from a stabbing pain to feeling like the entire muscle was knotted up. I had been swimming Monday and Tuesday nights with no issues. On Wednesday, it only hurt as I was completing my stroke.
One of my roommates diagnosed a knot in my muscle and she massaged my arm a little bit to try to work it out. Thursday, my arm was a little sore from the workout the night before, but I had no pain for the rest of the weekend.
Last night I went to the pool again. A few laps in, I could feel the muscle starting to hurt again, but I kept going. Eventually, I think the endorphins took over because it seemed to get better, but I don't think it actually did because after my workout, the muscle hurt when I tried to lift something in the locker room. I did 90 laps last night (64 swimming, 26 kicking) and my arm is still sore today. I put some Tiger Balm on last night after my workout, and that seemed to help a bit. I was going to go swimming tonight, but now I'm thinking I should just walk home from work for exercise.
I've been doing research online this morning, and I can't figure out what's wrong. There are two distinct arm injuries common to swimmers, and I don't seem to have either of them. Swimmers Shoulder is caused by overuse and poor technique, as well as by breathing on one side exclusively. The pain is in the shoulder and radiates to the clavicle. While I do breathe exclusively on my right side (I need to work on that), the pain isn't in my shoulder. I've also been told I have good technique so I don't think my technique is straining my arm too much.
The other possibility is Swimmers Elbow (like tennis elbow), which is caused by overuse. However, from what I can tell on the sites, the pain of that is mostly in the lower arm and affects the ability to grip things. That isn't my problem either.
The pain I'm having is in the exterior muscle of the upper arm, down near my elbow. It only hurts when I swim, although it's sore today because of my workout last night.
I've never had this issue before and I've been swimming for years. When I started back several weeks ago, I progressed slowly through 40, then 50, 60, 70, 80 and now 90 laps per workout session. I used to swim 120 laps at times and was hoping to get back up to that. This is just really frustrating.
It's kind of like the people at Cadbury woke up one morning and asked each other, "How can we make Kelly's Easter the best EVER?"
I'm having a hard time finding anyone else who loves the Cadbury mini eggs as much as I do. They were always a staple in my Easter basket. I don't know what kind of sad and deprived childhoods you all had.
The fact that they're now in dark chocolate makes this A Very Special Easter.
So I have a whole blog dedicated to this weight loss thing, but I'm really excited about my results as of last night so I thought I would share. In the past 5 weeks I've lost 5.2 pounds, BUT the really magic number is the inches I've lost: 5.8. Almost 6 inches in 5 weeks! Actually the first couple of weeks are usually pretty slow, but just this last week I've lost 2.5 inches. Wow.
I tried them on and was shocked that they didn't make my feet look like giant white boats like every other white shoe I have tried. They're actually pretty cute and the shoe store owner had the brilliant idea of dyeing them black or something after the wedding so that I could wear them because honestly, when am I ever going to wear white shoes again.
