Actually, to be more precise, I didn't take a stand - and after I finish my story, you'll understand why that's a very bad joke.
Every year for Mother's Day, the bishop gets flowers for all the women in the church who are over 18. At the end of Sacrament Meeting, he calls the little kids who are under 8 up to the front, and he has all of the adult women stand up, and then he instructs the kids to give a flower to every woman who is standing, so they dash around, handing out carnations wrapped in plastic and a pretty ribbon.
The first year we were in that ward, I felt silly standing up, because I wasn't a mom and I didn't have any thoughts of being a mom quite yet, but I stood and took my flower.
Yesterday was a different story. Yesterday I just Wasn't In The Mood. See, we've been trying to have a baby for 2 1/2 years. I think almost everyone we know in real life knows this by now, since we've been steadily answering "not yet, but we're trying" for at least a couple of years whenever anyone we know asks us about the whole kid thing.
The first Mother's Day after we started trying to have a baby, I just smiled sillily and I took the flower. Last year, I was feeling a little more down about it and I actually left the room right before, just figuring I would avoid the topic altogether. This year I had to conduct the music, so I was essentially trapped there until the bitter end of the meeting. And I just Wasn't In The Mood. So I stayed seated, and I grabbed some papers out of my bag and started pulling things together for the Sunday School lesson I would need to teach in 10 minutes.
Then a cherubic little boy thrust a fuchsia-colored carnation in my face despite the fact that I was not standing up, so of course I took it and I smiled at him brightly and I said thank you.
Sigh.
When we got home, I told Jason it was probably silly for me to stay seated. What was I taking a stand against exactly? A nice gesture?
(OK, there are also some vaguely feminist reasons rattling around in my head, but those are really just a strident cop-out because mainly it was the baby thing.)
As Jason said to me, "Sometimes a flower is just a flower."
I'm not going to go into the details here, but yes, we've been to doctors, and yes, we're working on solutions. Overall we're optimistic that it will happen, but time keeps passing, and we keep getting older.
On the upside, though, we've been able to save some money, we've been able to buy our house, and I've been able to really find my groove professionally. None of those things would have been so secure if I'd had a baby a couple of years ago, and I feel like every little bit of stability that I can give our future children and our future life is a plus.
7 comments:
I'm with you, Kelly. I hate standing to accept my flower on Mother's Day. It's like on The Big Bang Theory when Sheldon refuses to get a job as an "Apple Genius" because he doesn't want to contribute to the devaluation of the word "genius." I'm not a mother, no matter what Sherri Dew says. Do they make the young men stand on Father's Day?
But then I feel all guilty because, as you point out, they're just trying to be nice. It still bugs me, though. Probably always will. And I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be for someone in your position.
Love you, girl.
I know so many women who hate mother's day because they have not been able to conceive, are experiencing difficulty conceiving, or who do not want to. Sometimes I wish that they would just let it go! I think women in the ward understand that fertility challenges are painful and that most of us would forego the flower, or chocolate, or whatever, to make everyone feel better on mother's day. When will the all male bishoprics begin to understand this?
I hope you got through the rest of the day alright. And I am really looking forward to seeing you all (and your house) soon!
I definitely left church early yesterday to avoid the flowers (ours were handed out after RS), so I can definitely relate. Jason makes a good point, though. Hmmmm....
Thinking of you!
I think a lot of bishops are pretty sensitive to this. However, if they don't do the flowers, because it is a tradition at this point, then they get all sorts of complaints from people who like getting the flowers that they aren't valuing moms enough. There's no way to win for them.
That's a tough one. I became a mother very young, but I feel sensitive to all those who struggle, or to those who simply don't want children. Even though I am a mother, I have a hard time standing up (I think it's the feminist in me, feeling like I'm being patted on the head). For us, this year, they handed out chocolate, so I was all over that! ;)
Sorry to hear that your baby is so slow in coming! I think you know that we're pretty slow to conceive too, and it takes months of medical intervention. (More than a year the first time, but now we've figured out what works for us.) Hoping for the best for you!
Our bishopric this year invited the women to go pick out our own potted flowers from the cultural hall, anytime between the end of sac. mtg to after church. It was better! (I was actually too busy to go, but Josh picked one out for me.)
What i think is weird is the making people stand to receive their flower. It's just weird. Handing things out, that's fine, whatev. But don't make people stand up like idiots! Our ward has the YM provide a buffet of sweets and snacks after church and you can either get it yourself or be served while you sit on your arse, two things I support. Also, trying (and trying and trying) for babies sucks. GL.
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