I thought this was an interesting article about how romantic comedies spoil our love lives by creating unrealistic expectations.
To which I say, true!
I have known many women (including me) who have brushed aside one perfectly nice guy after another in the hope that the perfect romantic hero would show up and whisk them off their feet. I know some women now who are still waiting for that perfect guy and turn up their noses at the imperfect men in their lives. Or judge the men in their friends' lives harshly. I just think that I am in no way perfect, how can I expect the guy I'm with to be the complete package the moment we meet?
Also, I think that expecting the perfect romantic hero package can make you blind to the ways the man in your life is showing you that he loves you. Again, I plead guilty to this one.
Not that we shouldn't have standards, and I am not advocating sticking around a guy who completely takes you for granted. I also acknowledge that some guys are naturally really good at being romantic in that standard way the romantic comedies show us. I think some of them do it on their own, and some of them have wised up to how a lot of women think and have started taking cues from the movies.
However, I think there are a lot of guys (like Jason) who don't see the value in the typical schmaltzy stuff. Jason shows his love (both of me and his family) by taking care of things, by doing research and helping us get the best deal on something, and sometimes by completely shocking me with something sweet he says or does. Or he takes me out for dinner without me even knowing he takes me out for dinner. We have a joint credit card and at the end of the month he tallies up what I owe on it and I pay him. Apparently, there have been several times when he hasn't charged me for some dinner out that I thought we were splitting and has just said to himself, "Oh, I'll pay for that." I had no idea until he told me the other night.
In addition to making us expect the perfect man, I think romantic comedies also give us unrealistic expectation for how it's all supposed to work out. Love and romance is not perfect. There are arguments and misunderstandings that don't tie up in a cute little bow two hours later. One thing I've learned this past year is that marriage does take work - which, you know, duh. Everyone always says that. Sometimes Jason drives me up the wall and other times I look at him and just think he's adorable and am so ecstatic we're together. (I also find myself worrying about something happened to him - but those are just my awesome neuroses coming into play).
I used to be the romantic comedy queen, but for the past few years I haven't been that into them. Occasionally I'll pop one in the DVD player and watch it, but not in the way I used to, wishing for that ideal. Because I'm happy where I am now with my logical scientist guy who can't seem to hit the hamper.
3 comments:
Yes and no. While I agree that too many women believe in the Prince Charming/Mr. Darcy, I also think that for people like me, who don't date at all, at least it's some kind of feeling like you're living vicariously through story. That somewhere in the world love exists, even though you'll never have it.
I know what real love is. I dated a guy for 4 years, a very real engineer who played the drums, but no guy has ever seen me in the kind, loving way that he did since then. All I *want* is normal, and for some reason no guy I've ever known in the past 10 years has ever wanted to have that with me for longer than one date. It's actually become more and more painful to watch even unrealistic romantic comedies as time goes on, not because I want the fantasy of the unrealistic romcom (who would want to *actually* live most of those dumb stories anyway?), but because even fictional characters have more love in their lives than I do.
But maybe I'm just the odd duck out overall anyway. Few women go more than 10 years without a second date, let alone a relationship.
I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Romantic movies and will usually watch a good one (okay, I'll admit, even bad ones) several times over until about the 3rd time I'm like, really? What exactly made the two of you fall so deeply in love in 48 hours and now want to spend the rest of your life together?? And why did you have to cheat on your on again/off again quasi friend who walks your dog?
But in real life? I've never been into "romantic" guys. I think 'romance' is something you can create in your own mind and heart about anything you want and it doesn't need to be flowers and poetry from the well coifed man in a nice suit with strong, yet manicured, hands. To completly over-generalize--my experience has been those guys aren't long term quality men.
I think it's way more romantic when my man (not that I currently have one...) is concerned about my tire pressure or something.
Sadly, I find that a lot of (mormon)men(i.e. men who have never really lived with a woman) kind of fall victim to the hollywood "romantic" idea as well...
but boy that does not stop me from dreaming about Mr. Darcy and a whole host of other perfectly dreamy fantasy men.
-Heidi
I'll have to read that article at another time, but I absolutely agree with you! There are so many wonderful guys out there who just don't fit the "romantic comedy" mold - and I say that's just fine. If a guy is good at showing his affection in that "romantic comedy" way - then good for him, that's great. But it shouldn't negate the other ways love can be expressed, which in all candidness are usually a lot more meaningful that what you find on a movie.
This unrealistic expectation business does go both ways though:
Meaning, that guys can't expect all of us to be Sport's Illustrated Supermodels either. I sometimes get the gist when I'm out with a guy (not that often, thankfully - but sometimes) that I'm just not physically what he would hope for. Well...what can I say? Whereas there certainly are ways to improve health and it is important to stay fit, a lot of it boils down to GENES. The genes are the genes and there aint nothin' that's going to change some aspects of the greater portion of the female population except surgery (which will end up damaging more than helping anything).
Sooooo...those are my words of support here for what you've written. Women: Don't expect a Knight in Shining Armor, and Men: Don't expect a Supermodel, and the world will turn so much more happily!
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