The Family Ward

Jason and I went to a new ward* yesterday. Since we got married he has kept singing every Sunday with the Episcopal church we were married in and then we've moseyed over to catch the end of the singles ward with the Mormons. However, the choir director at the Episcopal church just went on sabbatical and it seemed like it was the time for us to figure out where we were supposed to be going to church.**

Some friends of ours have been going to the ward in Providence so we knew what to expect: not a lot of experience, lots of people drifting in and out depending on their mood, only a few dependable people to fill all of the callings.*** The ward is in a poor area with a lot of new members. Wards like that love long-term members who know what's going on when it comes to church responsibility and hierarchy. And, frankly, in urban wards there's the belief, right or wrong, that the white members (usually transplants from Utah who are there for grad school) know what's going on. It was always kind of odd in the city wards I went to in Chicago to see a largely black or Hispanic congregation with a very white bishopric seated up front. To be fair, usually the locals are very recent converts to the church and really don't know how the organization works, but it's no secret that the Mormon church has race issues.

So we walk in and I see the bishop eying us as soon as we sit down. Immediately after Sacrament Meeting he walks up and introduces himself and then pulls us out of Sunday School for a little meet and greet with him and his counselors.

As Jason said wryly yesterday, "We're now part of the ruling white minority." Lovely.

One of the bishop's counselors and his wife invited us over for dinner last night. We were sort of wondering how it would be, since they seem more mainstream Mormon than us, but we had a lot of fun. She has an MA in Art History and he is working on a PhD in Portuguese and Brazilian Studies so interesting things to talk about. They're interested in the art and theater scene in Providence and even though they're from Utah can say that they would be happy to live in New England after he finishes school. Most Utah transplants here for grad school can't wait to get back.

The ward is so, SO different from what I've been experiencing in Boston and DC for the past few years. I have gotten used to big wards full of highly educated people, most of whom are in the city for advanced degrees or really exciting-sounding jobs. Now I'm in a very small ward with huge variances in education level, income level, etc. I know that we will probably be getting major callings as soon as we get back from India. One of our friends was immediately called to be the Primary president, and still is a couple of years later, through her pregnancy and early motherhood. In bigger wards, women are released from huge callings when they give birth, particularly with the first child. But they didn't have anyone to take over so she stayed put.

Then we have the whole "little wifey" syndrome, which is a completely bizarre experience having been single for 31 years. I kept my last name, but found myself introducing myself as just "Kelly" because I didn't really feel like getting into any of the politics of it all by saying something like, "This is my husband, Jason W., and I'm Kelly M."

I think people assume we've been married for longer than we have and that I am sort of tagging along as Jason does his education thing. The men all turned to Jason, asking him what he was doing in Providence, but then didn't ask me the same question, because, you know, I'm just the wife. Jason, very kindly, deferred to me when the bishop asked us to tell him about ourselves.

I know that Jason regrets not being able to sing every week (although he will still sing with the monthly Evensong choir). But the thing is, how much longer could we keep going to the singles ward? And we live in Providence. Driving up to Cambridge every Sunday and sort of hanging out all day wasn't an ideal situation. However, I did miss the Episcopal service this week. It's so very different from the Mormon service, but also touches a spiritual part of me.

Jason came out of his meeting at the end of church with some really strange stories. The women's lesson was boring, but pretty benign. The lesson was about Joseph Smith's First Vision and the teacher in Elder's Quorum apparently started talking about his own visions. Oooookay. And then he proceeded to talk about how he would never swim in the Nile because there is a fish that will swim up a man's penis****, which didn't really relate to much of anything as far as Jason could see. And this was the teacher. Jason said, "At least it will be entertaining every week."

Entertaining? Yes. Spiritually uplifting? Debatable.


* "Congregation" for non-Mormons
** The Mormons organize congregations by geography
*** OK, I'm about done with the explaining the Mormons thing. Basically, we have no paid clergy so all leadership positions, teachers, etc. are members of the ward who are "called" to perform particular duties.
**** Real fish, although it lives in the Amazon, not the Nile. But I think that is seriously beside the point.