So this is going to be a little bit of a rant. A railing against my metabolism. I am tired of being fat.
I have good taste, but I don’t fit into the clothes. It would be a dream of mine to walk into any retail store and be able to pluck any cute thing off the rack, try it on, and then be able to really choose what I want to buy versus buying what actually fits or what doesn’t make my bum look TOO huge.
It’s virtually impossible for me to buy a suit. As an attorney, that’s a little bit of a problem. I own one suit right now and thankfully am working in a place where casual is A-OK. I like suits, though. I think they’re cute and I wish I owned several. I have been trying for about 6 months to find a suit that fits me right, trying on nearly everything that looks slightly feasible in a myriad of stores. First of all, my hips/thighs/bum are significantly larger than my waist and pencil skirts are very difficult for me to fit into. Second, I am two different sizes on the top and the bottom, so that limits me to separates. Third, I’m in this weird limbo at my weight where the Misses jackets fit great, while the skirts do not, while the Womens skirts fit OK and I’m swimming in the jackets. Heaven forbid the Womens clothes are just bigger versions of the Misses stuff so I could buy the Misses jacket and the Womens skirt. They could never make it that easy.
I started a weight loss blog that I haven’t updated in awhile out of frustration and laziness both. It’s hard to feel consistently fired up, although maybe I’ll get back to it eventually.
I’m mad at my metabolism because I have been hovering around this 190-200 mark for a couple of years now. During the summer of 2005 after being very strict with my food intake and working out every day AND stressing about the Bar exam, I managed to get down to 185.
I’m mad at my metabolism because I don’t consider myself to be a huge eater. Maybe I’m deluding myself, but I don’t think I am (although if I am deluding myself, how would I know really...?) I have this strange fascination with shows about fat people losing weight and the methods they use, whether it be normal diet and exercise or some sort of surgical intervention. I listen to the interviews and realize I don’t eat like these people. I don’t have 3 Big Macs for a meal, I don’t eat huge piles of pasta at an Italian restaurant, I don’t Super Size it all, I don’t hide food around my house, I don’t eat a dozen donuts at a sitting. I have never eaten like that, except for maybe a few years ago when I was neck-deep in depression and ballooned up to 235. I haven’t been there in a long time, though. The idea of eating those huge amounts of greasy, fatty, sugary foods makes me feel a little ill.
If I allow myself to have dessert now and then or to have birthday cake to celebrate with friends or to have a couple of pieces of Halloween candy that someone brings into work (and I do mean a couple of pieces only), I will gain weight.
I know exactly what I need to do to lose weight. I need to carefully monitor every single thing I put in my mouth and the caloric content of each morsel. I need to write it all down in the ediets Nutrition tracker, which is my food counter of choice at the moment. I then need to exercise every day and factor in the calories burned so that I have a significant calorie deficit every day to lose 1-2 pounds a week, which is the average amount lost when you’re losing weight the healthy way. I cannot indulge ever because it appears on the scale and on my thighs. Even if I were to ever lose all the weight I want to, I will never really be able to indulge without it showing up. It's all lots of fun.
I need to make sure that I am exercising enough. It appears that “not enough” at this point equals walking a mile to and from work and 40-45 minutes on the elliptical 4-5 times a week, followed by a smattering of weight exercises. The scale continues to inch up and my clothes continue to feel tight.
I emailed Jason this morning about my frustration with this weight thing. I concluded that my caveman ancestors were really top notch at the whole fat storage thing. My people survived many famines.
9 comments:
I hear you. My metabolish is awful, and in my twenties when I wasn't paying enough attention (even though I was generally exercising and eating right) I gradually got up to about 180. I finally got serious and lost 50 pounds over about 10 months and have kept it off. But just to maintain my current weight I do about 40 minutes of hard cardio every day (heart rate above 150) followed by 20-30 minutes of weights. Then in the evenings (or in the afternoons if I need a break at work) I do another 30-60 minutes of "easy" cardio (walking, yoga, etc.).
And I still have to be very strict about food, I don't count calories but eat a vegetarian diet that's overwhelmingly made up of veggies, fruit, whole grains, and low-fat dairy/soy protein. It's a pain, and it's frustrating -- I often feel like, with all the exercise I get, I should be able to eat a gallon of ice cream whenever I feel like it! It doesn't seem fair.
But at the end of the day, though, I feel great and am definitely a lot less stressed out than the people around me. I have a ton of energy. I can go for long hikes and bike rides on the weekends and never get winded. I think that I probably feel better than most people who have a fast metabolism and who, as a result, pay little attention their diet or exercise.
So I try to think of it as a blessing in disguise -- if I didn't *have* to do these things to maintain my weight, I probably wouldn't, and therefore wouldn't realize all the other benefits that come with it (and are in the end even more rewarding) than just maintaining my weight.
Kelly, have you had a blood test to check your hormones? If not, you should really consider it to make sure your levels are normal.
Kel-
When was your last good check up? I agree with the blood test... Have your thyroid checked too, okay?
Hang in there, kid. it sounds like you are doing well in Boston.
DC Kelley
I have lost 10 lbs in the last 2 months without changing my (minimal) exercising or my diet, simply because my thyroid meds are now finally near where they should be. Now I have to get rid of this pesky vertigo so I can do more than leg lifts and situps (right now, riding my bike and going for walks makes me want to puke, sadly--and I finally have enough energy to actually do those things!).
So yeah, if you haven't had your thyroid checked, you might consider it. You might also make sure to tell the dr. you want to be checked to see if you're borderline (if your TSH is hovering at 4, you probably have a borderline problem and could benefit from a low dosage, which is how my Boston dr. figured out my problem in the first place).
It makes all the difference. My body simply doesn't metabolize fats and sugars the way others' bodies do, because my thyroid doesn't work. So once I'm feeling well again, I will have to work harder than others to lose weight (simple calories in=calories out doesn't work in my case, usually), but I'm learning to live with it. At least I know what the problem is now, because I've dealt with this since about my mid-20s.
Well, it would be nice if the thyroid was the problem just because that would mean there's an explanation beyond crappy metabolism and that there might be a solution. The last time I had bloodwork done I think that everything was ok. However, I know thyroid issues run in my family so there's a chance I could have an issue too.
kel, i don't know if this will mean anything but i have a roommate with a great body-she can seriously wear ANYTHING. but she think about food all the time. she writes down everything she eats, she freaks out if she's up a pound and knows precisely how she gained it. she even stayed up in her room when we had a dinner party one night because she didn't want to be tempted to eat too much. i admire her but i also look at her and think there is NO WAY i would ever be able to live like that. I want to give in to my Sprinkles cupcake cravings and then, want to be able to go to retaurants and not think about every calorie.
My company has been doing a little bit of work with Emme, the plus sized model. She is super super healthy and totally awesome but has just decided that it's more important to have a life than to think about what you weigh all the time. I wish more of us could get to where her head is.
anyway, i sympathize. if i'm not working out like a maniac i gain weight like crazy. i've been lucky to have spare time in my life thus far to stay ahead of it but watch out when i start having to deal with a husband and kids-it will be balloonsville. i hope to get some comfortability with that before it happens ; )
Hey,
Have you tried nutrisystem? You still get to eat fresh veggies/fruit/dairy throughout the day and with your busy schedule I bet the prepackaged stuff would be a dream come true for you.
Being a regular reader, I notice that you reward yourself with food often, and you might not realize how much that hurts your diet. Even "healthy" treats, like smoothies, have TONS of calories and sugar.
I strongly suggest nutrisystem. Try it for a month! I'm the same size as you and I've lost 15 pounds easily doing this. And I never feel deprived like I always do on other diets. Good luck!
Anon, NutriSystem would definitely be convenient. However, I just went to their site to look and paying $300 a month just isn't feasible right now. Guess I'll just have to do my best to be more meticulous.
And the fact of the matter is, I do like food. I like cooking and I like trying out new things - both when I cook and when I go out. When I was eating a smoothie every day in DC I was losing a little weight and I was very meticulous about writing down all the calories I was taking in. The natural sugar boost was a really good thing after I worked out to help me get through the rest of my hours at work.
Yeah--NS is expensive...although, I find I spend less than I did when I went out to eat...something to think about.
There's a great blog you should check out. This woman is an inspiration, and has some amazing recipes!!
http://amysmithr.blogspot.com
You can do this on your own if you like to cook. I don't so it's worth the extra $$ for the convenience. Check out the blog -I'm betting you'll be inspired.
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