So I bought a book yesterday. I'm not really proud of it and my more academia-oriented friends might be laughing their bums off at me (except for formerly-Santa Cruz Jenn who has recommended her fair share of self-help books to me so she can just be quiet).
The book was recommended to me by a friend and seemed like a good way to analyze miscommunication in relationships. According to the author, there are 5 "languages" people use to communicate their love, and the book helps you figure out which language you use. Consequently, you are more apt to recognize love being shown to you in the language that you use. When your significant other uses another language the relationship may be fraught with miscommunications, where both people are expressing love as hard as they can, but feel unappreciated and unloved in return.
The 5 languages are: Words of Affection, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. I think those are pretty self-explanatory so I'll just move on.
I took the little quiz in the back of the book last night. It consists of 30 sets of 2 phrases, and you pick which phrase reflects what you desire. For example, 1) I never get tired of my husband's/boyfriend's kisses, OR 2) I love when my husband/boyfriend writes little notes telling me he loves me.
Several times I wanted an option 3) Both, but you're supposed to pick the one that you desire the most from a significant other.
The test showed that I'm actually pretty even-keeled, liking a smattering of everything except for Acts of Service (3 out of 30). But my primary language is Physical Touch and my secondary language (by one point) is Quality Time.
Do we see now why Kelly doesn't do so well with the long-distance relationships?
I roped Jason into taking the male version of the test when he was driving home from Providence late last night and needed to stay awake. Guess what? He was equally Physical Touch and Quality Time (um, if I'm sharing too much, Jason, just let me know. Do you not want the whole internet in on your luv psyche?)
With those results it would make you wonder why we ever argue. Oh, except for that whole we're 500 miles apart thing and can't have ready access to the Physical Touch and Quality Time things. Apparently Words of Affection only go so far with the two of us.
1 comment:
This makes total sense to me--completely explains why some people can't do long distance, some people can only do long distance, and some relationships will work as one but not the other. I just dropped my toast in shock.
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