This morning I was reading this Mormons for Equality and Social Justice (MESJ) meeting recap over at Times and Seasons. I wish I could have gone to this meeting. Boston MESJ was just gearing up when I moved away. I'm still on the listserv and always wish longingly that I could go to the meetings. I suppose in a few months I'll be able to. The generally progressive mentality among Mormons is one thing I really appreciated about Boston. Although at times the pretensions of all the highly-educated folk could be a bit much, intellectual discourse was always stimulating.
I was always the liberal rebel in high school and college in Tucson. I was the one person in my seminary class who would have voted for Clinton if I had been old enough to vote. I was the one person in my ward who chose furthering my education by attending a "smart kids high school" while other people in my ward who got accepted chose to attend the neighborhood high school and further their social lives. I'm sure I was seen as a rebel in the ward when I made this choice, especially as a girl. And lest you think I flew under the radar, rest assured that I was always known as "the smart one" because of the high school I attended. I don't think I was any smarter than a lot of my peers, I just made different choices because of the things I wanted - namely a college education and a future of more. More than what I saw available to me through the women in my ward. All of my close friends were not members of the church because I found I had more in common ideologically with non-members.
In college when the non-members around me were partying hard, I found myself drawn more to surrounding myself with friends from church because of the no-partying rules. While I loved these friends dearly, I always knew that politics was sort of a taboo subject. Or rather, I knew what their opinions were and kept my mouth shut lest I rock the boat too much.
Imagine my joy when I arrived in Boston and discovered that you could be Mormon AND liberal, Mormon AND open-minded. Here I thought I was a freak of nature, when really I was just in the wrong location.
As I've struggled with my faith, I've found that perceived gender inequality in the church is a really convenient fallback for me when I express why I am dissatisfied. I admire the women whose blogs I read and whose conversations I enjoy who are able to be so strong in their ideals of equality, and yet profess a love and joy in the Gospel that I feel has eluded me lately.
Reading on T&S this morning, this quote really spoke to me:
[One of the ways a feminist Mormon is created is by] believing the gospel, following advice from church leaders: As long as we continue to teach that “… there is neither bond nor free, neither male nor female…, for ye are all one in Christ Jesus,” and “the glory of God is intelligence”, as long as we encourage girls as well as boys to “get all the education you can,” as long as we allow the anarchic influence of personal revelation, there will be Mormon feminism. Whether the institutional church will embrace its uppity daughters and find ways to celebrate their gifts, or marginalize and disown them, remains to be seen.
First of all, this is true - in the Gospel, we are all equal. A non-LDS co-worker commented to me yesterday that she had heard Mormons believe that women can't achieve Heaven without being married. She presented this to me as a sign of the inequality in the church. I just said, "Yes, but men can't make it without being married either." She hadn't heard that it goes both ways.
The above exchange emphasizes a serious issue in the church, as discussed at T&S: the marginalization of single people. I say single people because while I think that we women have unique struggles with being single, discussing the topic with men has convinced me that single men have it rough as well. However, just to quote from T&S: "To the extent that we do not value or appreciate single sisters, we do not value any of the women of the church. Single women force us to confront them as individuals and not as soft-focus Hallmark gender-roles (wife, mother), and WE FAIL THE TEST."
Second, the dichotomy between spiritual and institutional truths articulates my personal issues and questions with the church as an institutional entity. I believe that the Gospel teaches many beautiful and wonderful things. I know that learning about the Gospel has made me feel the warm and fuzzy feelings we're all told is the Spirit. I know that God hears my prayers. I believe in Jesus Christ. But I find myself wondering what is truth and what is the interpretation of man? What is right and what is just institutional tradition? I don't have answers. But I find that as I choose to accept that some things are institutional, I become more willing to focus on what I believe are the spiritual truths, and I find myself more open to the Spirit in general.
It seems like many of my peers are going through similar analyses, whether they're openly verbal about it or not. The more people I talk to, the more I discover I'm not alone in this quest to figure out what the Gospel really means to me and in my life. Maybe it's symptomatic of being single in this church that focuses so intently on the family unit and trying to figure out where you really belong. It's part of creating a place within the Gospel for yourself and trying to come to terms with the fact that life doesn't seem to be turning out exactly like you thought it would, and exactly like you were told it would if you chose the right, when you were a Beehive or a Deacon.
Or maybe this is a point that any rationally-thinking person comes to when trying to figure out how the tenets of a religion fit in with his/her perception of what is right and good. I would like to talk more with people who have made this journey. Or maybe now that I've started, it's a journey I will continue for the rest of my life.
6 comments:
So what made you a liberal? Were your parents liberal? BYU-Idaho Dept. of Sociology, Social Work, and Criminal Justice did it for me. Namely, one professor with a PhD in Marriage and Family Therapy.
I think the biggest hit to my testimony over the last few years is that i have more power and influence as a woman in my workplace than i do in my religion. And I work in a very male dominated field so that's really saying something. So I don't think it's a fall-back to say that any of your church struggles stem from gender inequality. It's bothering me more the older I get. And maybe that's why we are encouraged to get married and out of the workplace-at 29 and single and moving up the corporate ladder, I'm getting all sorts of ideas in my head about being "equal".
Jessica, my parents are liberal now. They were always open-minded, but interestingly enough, I think I wound up encouraging them to become more liberal. For me I think it was more the influence of friends and learning more about what liberal and conservative actually meant. Mostly I just started really paying attention to what was being done and said by people in power and people who wanted to be in power, and realizing that I agreed more with those on the left.
Katie, that's a very interesting thought, and adds a whole conspiracy theory aspect to the issues. And I don't think that's necessarily wrong in the context of what is truth when looking at the church as an institution versus the Gospel.
I think this quest is, as you say, "a point that rationally-thinking person comes to when trying to figure out how the tenets of a religion fit in with his/her perception of what is right and good."
My dad has been a great example of this to me. He went through what could be considered the stereotypical phases of Mormon manhood (for lack of a better term)--marriage shortly after mission, children, various callings, etc... Despite being somewhat "traditional", he has never been one to sit idly by and blindly accept anything taught in church. He is constantly analyzing and reassessing the way the Gospel fits into his life. Which, I suppose, might make him somewhat untraditional.
I believe that as we grow and mature--regardless of our varying circumstances--there is a need to re-examine the way our lives mesh with the Gospel. For me, this constant need to reassess is a blessing because the risk of stagnating in my progression is much less. In my experience, refusing to recognize the need to adjust is far more damaging than any questioning that might come as a result.
I have been asking many of the same questions that you have. I don't have any answers to them, but I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one.
Remember, in all of your assessing that the GOSPEL is what is true, not the people that are trying to follow it. I think you will find closed minded LDS and open minded LDS individuals where ever you go, the point is to stick to the truths of the Gospel, the scriptures and the Prophets. And if you find the sometimes close minded-ness irritating, teach those people with love, and kindness what it means to be open minded. Never be afraid to express your opinion, or ask questions as to why things are done the way they are in the Church. You have that right as a member. We have never been taught or told to follow blindly as members...see D7C 9:8-9 & 13-14.
I dunno; it's obvious to me that it's harder to be anything other than a white male in the LDS church--not because of the people, but because of the doctrines, practices and protocol of the church.
Other, more liberal and accepting churches have found ways to welcome minorities, women, and gays with open arms. it's disheartening that in the One True Church women weren't even allowed to pray in Sacrament Meeting or speak in General Conference until the early 1980s.
Some may say that's all behind us now, but there are many strides to be made. The entire social stratus of the Church organization favors and makes visible rich white men. No, the church is not liberal and likely will never be.
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